#Weekend Open Bar
It’s been a hot fucking minute since I rattled off one of these diarrhea-blasts of existential enormity, no? But I’m here right now, ready to plunder your holes with my textual absurdity. Let the ole cyber-tongue rattle around and find where it gets you good. I’m not saying you know that I’m good for, but if you’ve found this post you probably already know me. Yes? Fucking yes!
How has everyone been doing? I’ve been surfing along the astral-plane and simultaneously tethered to this rot-ass meat-space like the rest of ya’ll. When I’m not high and surfing the Beyond with Bateman or my Wife, I’m trudging through a miserable remote summer class.
Classes are finally fucking over, my friends! Sure, I got some tutoring and some grading to do, but that shit is small potatoes. Stick a couple of them in my ass and send me into the desert! I don’t care. Ain’t no problem. I’ll return to you later in the day with some glazed baked potatoes and an impish grin! But legit, it feels fucking good to have a few weeks off before the Summer Semester cranks up! Cranks out. Cranks…off?
It’s been fucking crazy, dudes. Like, super fucking crazy around these parts. Not in a wholly bad way, but just fucking crazy. For example, I’ve literally typed up a draft of MMC the last two weeks and never gotten around to finishing them. We’re talking crazy to that ass-clenching degree. Anyways, it’s the motherfucking Weekend (Open Bar) and I’m goddamn ecstatic. The work laptop is closed, the ring light is powered off, and my existential pud is in my hands.
It’s finally the fucking weekend, my dudes. Finally! What a fucking week. Stressful ass end of the semester. My wife’s dance with a drug test for her new job, which will be decided one way or another by the time this column drops. Insomnia. Erratic weather. Just a real cavalcade of bullshit that has me thanking JCVD that weekly reprieve has arrived. Not a moment too soon, not a minute too early. I’m looking forward to blasting my brains into the ether-realm with The Universe’s Flower, eating a tremendous amount of junk food, and hanging out with your dank, musty, dingleberry’d asses.
It’s the Night of Night, my friends! Sitting here at 4pm, it’s a mere three hours until I finally get to see a new movie in the theaters. Thirteen months! Lost twenty-pounds (not good), gained twenty-pounds (about 5 pounds too many), grew a mustache, grew a beard, grew a mustache, and now I’m back to a beard. Since I’ve been in the theater last there’s been insurrections, elections, and a couple of Marvel television shows. It’s been a hell of a fucking ride, some bad, some good, the majority banal.
Anyways! That’s what is on the tip of my synaptic iceberg tonight! But there’s other shit popping off this weekend, and I want to share in all the revelry with you folks! Right here, at the Goddamn Open Bar!
Can I open the bar in five minutes? Can I go from absolutely no image, to an image, a post title, body text, and hit publish? Let’s see! It’s 6:34. How are you fuckers doing? Are you ready to celebrate the weekend? With me? I fucking hope you are! So come one, and come all, to the Weekend Open Bar!
It’s official, comrades. Members of the Space-Ship Omega. The COVID-19 vaccine is currently coursing through my veins. Building antibodies. Shuffling me towards a day when I may return to the movies, watch sports with friends, and attend concerts. Build, antibodies! Build! Swell up, teach my body how to karate-chop this fucking virus. Missile dropkick the son of a bitch! Get big, get strong, get ready for me. ‘Cause Imma put your serum-ass to the test in three weeks or so.
Lordy, lordy! Look what motherfucking time it is, my friend! ‘Tis nothing less than the most glorious time of the fucking week. Namely, the fucking weekend! I just got done grading eighteen essays, which means I can shut my brain the fuck down until Sunday! It’s been an absolute nut-crusher of a week, and I cannot wait to vaporize my brain, engorge my stomach, and titillate my ocular-globes.
Enter the Omega Arena, Fellow Gods of Slime and Disaster! It’s the Weekend! It’s the Open Bar! Which means it’s time to drink deep the Draughts of the Gods! Which means its time to smoke the Bone-Vapors of the Fallen Eldritch ones! Most importantly, which means it’s time to hang out for a couple of days together!
Are you ready? Whole squad’s ready! Forgive me from quoting the tune from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s Super Bowl trailer! I’m just so fucking pumped for this shit! As I’ve probably puked-up many times around these parts, Bucky is my favorite motherfucker in the MCU! Just an absolute unit of brooding, healthy male bonding, and gorgeous hair. How can you not love this motherfucker! It’s impossible, and now this son of a bitch is getting a co-starring role in the latest dollop of dashing MCU madness.