I really don’t give two-tugs of a dead dog’s dick what movie theaters do to keep operating. Sell the souls of fallen employees? Fucking fine. Sign deals with Hollywood studios for shorter theatrical windows? Also fine. Whatever the fuck it takes.

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You can hear the people frothing at the mouth. Gnashing their teeth. But I’m more than cool with the next Superman movie featuring a black actor in the lead role. At this point it almost seems too obvious, but they should just fucking cast Michael B. Jordan as rumored.

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David Cronenberg is directing his first motherfucking movie in seven years this summer, folks. That ain’t the only thing to get your tits leaking, though. The son of a bitch, titled Crimes of the Future, is a science-fiction flick with an absolutely stacked cast.

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Objectively, Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse is the coolest comic book movie ever. So how the fuck do you follow up that movie? Man, it seems a thankless fucking task. But putting three insanely talented directors behind the project seems a solid first movie. The folks behind Avatar: The Last Airbender, Soul, and the production designer behind the first movie will be sharing the proverbial chair.

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The Meg 2 director Ben Wheatley wants to make a DOOM movie and the wonder he could bring to the franchise makes my tits stiffen. Let this man direct that movie. As well, if you’re an ignorant knob and you only know Ben Wheatley from his connection with Meg 2, get learned and then come back here. You see, dude has directed a bunch of cult classics, especially Kill List.

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First some time, we all thought Michael Keaton was going to be returning as Batman in The Flash. But then murmurings of scheduling conflicts killing the prospect emerged. However, it seems we all collectively shit our pants for no reason. The dude himself will be officially donning the mantle once again.

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Fucking A, dudes! The Furiosa movie is really fucking happening, and it’s set to begin filming in 2022! Not only will the film be the biggest film ever made in Australia, but it’s going to take place over many years. While the idea that any fucking flick could match Fury Road does seem impossible, like. Two things. First, who fucking cares? Second, who thought Fury Road would be as good as it was? Not only will the film be the biggest film ever made in Australia, but it’s going to take place over many years. While the idea that any fucking flick could match Fury Road does seem impossible, like. Two things. First, who fucking cares? Second, who thought Fury Road would be as good as it was?

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Here’s the first official Indiana Jones 5 news that has tweaked my nipples. In a rotating, erotic manner. The movie has cast Mads Mikkelsen in an undisclosed role. Hey now! Fuck yeah, now! But if he ain’t the villain, they’ve obviously fucked up.

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I cannot fucking wait for F9. Of course, the new trailer for the installment looks as fucking ridiculous as usual. But with director Justin Lin returning to the franchise, the trailer also features fantastic action the dude is known for.

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In this post-pandemic world, this new world, there’s a new me. And this new me? Apparently he fucks with Zack Snyder. ‘Cause this trailer for Army of the Dead looks so fucking good-and-stupid and I’m completely in. Give me Bautista and Friends absolutely annihilating zombies in that glorious, overwrought, absurdly slick Snyder style.

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