Where the fuck is my fucking jet pack? We were promised jet packs! Instead, we got climate crisis! This ain’t the future pop culture promised! I mean, the only time travel we fucking got is Texas hurtling backwards in time! However, apparently it ain’t all dogshit. Motherfucking NASA is testing electric air taxis, and, okay, this is dope.
Scientists have confirmed powerful antimatter particle crashed into Antarctica. This is how ‘The Thing’ starts, right?
This is one of those awe-inspiring news stories that seems beyond my monkey brain. An antimatter particle slammed into Antarctica. Like, what the fuck? Don’t get me wrong, this is rad. It’s, uh, also how The Thing starts, or something. But rad none the less.
Okay, so this isn’t new news. It’s actually from last year. But, I just came across this shit this week, and I figured maybe it’s new to you as well. The fossils of a motherfucking car-sized turtle were found in South America, and the fucker dates back to between 13 and 7 million years ago. I say goddamn! Like, shit was absolutely popping off on this planet while this fucker roamed the Earth. Goddamn enormous beasts. It’s amazing.
Hit the jump to check out the fossils and for more details.
Scientists revive 100-million year-old microbes from the sea. The fuck could go wrong with this, you know?
Folks, this is how we get Cthulhu or some shit. An Elder Ones uprising. I mean, reviving 100-million year-old microbes? From the sea? We just fucking daring existence these days.
I know we’re supposed to be like: fucking sweet, scientists have mapped 20% of the ocean floor. However, man! That means there’s 80% still not mapped. What horrors and thrills lie below?!
Hey! Fuck it, right? The world is on fire. Might as well grow some fucking “mini-brains” using Neanderthal DNA. Let’s go for broke, friends.
Scientists find that saying “fuck” and other swears can decrease pain. THEN WHY AM I ETERNALLY TORMENTED?
So, get this fucking shit! Saying swears has been shown to “reduce your experience of pain, according to a new study by Keele University researchers.” Oh man! Gimme a fuck yeah! Seriously though, now I’m vindicated every time I stub my fucking toe!
An Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. So, a local business started 3D printing the vales and saved lives. The future rules sometimes.
Okay, so. Maybe the future isn’t always bad. We can debate why an Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. Or, we could focus on the dope story of a local business 3D-printing the valves for the hospital and saving lives.
Scientists recreated the voice of a 3,000 year-old mummy. We just out here, fucking around, tempting fate.
The future is fucking wild, my friends. I say it a lot. But, it is! I mean, recreating the voice of a goddamn 3,000 year-old mummy!
Hit the jump to check it out, and for more info!
Scientists have successfully bioprinted functional human “mini-livers” and the future is fucking wild!
Man, oh man. Ain’t the future bonkers? Scientists have successfully printed some motherfucking human mini-livers. And, they are capable of all performing all the functions of human livers. Such as? You know, “building proteins, storing vitamins and secreting bile” and shit. Amazing. Admittedly, there is still far, far to go from these organoids being actual livers. But, it’s a rad as fuck step.