Scientists revive 100-million year-old microbes from the sea. The fuck could go wrong with this, you know?

scientists 100 million year old microbes sea

Folks, this is how we get Cthulhu or some shit. An Elder Ones uprising. I mean, reviving 100-million year-old microbes? From the sea? We just fucking daring existence these days.

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Scientists have now mapped 20 percent of the ocean floor! Wait, that’s it? Creatures lurking!

scientists mapped 20 percent ocean floor

I know we’re supposed to be like: fucking sweet, scientists have mapped 20% of the ocean floor. However, man! That means there’s 80% still not mapped. What horrors and thrills lie below?!

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Scientists have grown “mini-brains” in petri dish using Neanderthal DNA. What could go wrong?

scientists mini brains neanderthal dna scientists mini brains neanderthal dna

Hey! Fuck it, right? The world is on fire. Might as well grow some fucking “mini-brains” using Neanderthal DNA. Let’s go for broke, friends.

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Scientists find that saying “fuck” and other swears can decrease pain. THEN WHY AM I ETERNALLY TORMENTED?

scientists swearing reduce pain

So, get this fucking shit! Saying swears has been shown to “reduce your experience of pain, according to a new study by Keele University researchers.” Oh man! Gimme a fuck yeah! Seriously though, now I’m vindicated every time I stub my fucking toe!

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An Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. So, a local business started 3D printing the vales and saved lives. The future rules sometimes.

italian hospital 3d printing parts

Okay, so. Maybe the future isn’t always bad. We can debate why an Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. Or, we could focus on the dope story of a local business 3D-printing the valves for the hospital and saving lives.

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Scientists recreated the voice of a 3,000 year-old mummy. We just out here, fucking around, tempting fate.

scientists mummy voice

The future is fucking wild, my friends. I say it a lot. But, it is! I mean, recreating the voice of a goddamn 3,000 year-old mummy!

Hit the jump to check it out, and for more info!

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Scientists have successfully bioprinted functional human “mini-livers” and the future is fucking wild!

scientists bioprinted human liver

Man, oh man. Ain’t the future bonkers? Scientists have successfully printed some motherfucking human mini-livers. And, they are capable of all performing all the functions of human livers. Such as? You know, “building proteins, storing vitamins and secreting bile” and shit. Amazing. Admittedly, there is still far, far to go from these organoids being actual livers. But, it’s a rad as fuck step.

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Scientists place humans in “suspended animation” for the first time. The future is fucking wild, friends.

scientists human suspended animation

Well, shit is interesting. Scientists have placed humans into “suspended animation” for the first time. The future simply does not fuck around.

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Engineer finds way to possibly pull diseases from blood using magnets. Just look at this fucking sentence!

engineer disease magnets

An engineer has found a potential way to pull diseases from blood using magnets. Listen, get out of my ass. I know this may never come to fruition. But, just the fact that it’s a possibility gets me horny for science.

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Scientists have found that some storms are so strong they shake the ocean floor. STORMQUAKES, my dudes!


Some storms? Them motherfuckers are so powerful that they shake the ocean floor. And, they have an equally bad ass name. Stormquakes! Hell yeah.

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