China is sending a solar probe in 2022 to study the Sun. Crack Sol’s secrets, fellas!

china solar probe

China’s got itself a solar mission, motherfuckers! They’re sending a solar probe next year in order to study the Sun. Specifically, dudes are interested in such things like solar storms and shit. Hell yeah!

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‘Resident Evil Village’ dropping May 7! PlayStation 5 demo out now, friends!

resident evil village may 7 demo ps5

Resident Evil Village got itself a release date, motherfuckers! May 7! But that shit ain’t all! A demo has dropped on the PlayStation 5, by way of the name Maiden. Sign my ass up for the both of them.

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Robert Rodriguez says ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ animated series in the works. Hey man, let’s do it

robert rodriguez from dusk till dawn animated series

If Robert Rodriguez wants to do a fucking From Dusk Till Dawn animated series, who am I to judge? That said, I’m going to fucking judge none the less. My verdict? Cautious optimism. I dig animated shows, and fuck, it’s Rodriguez himself leading the project. Why not be stoked now? Can always be let down later. Excitement gets the tits hard, and we all want hard tits. I mean, no?

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‘John Wick’ Creator is turning ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ into Live-Action TV series. Aiight, okay!

john wick creator dungeons and dragons tv show

I love me some John Wick, and I have an appreciation and interest in Dungeons & Dragons. Which means the idea of the Wick creator bringing D&D to TV is, at the least, very intriguing to me.

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Fellas, we ain’t streaming tonight! See you Wednesday!

Hey all! We’re not going to stream tonight. Straight-up, I’m fucking emotionally exhausted from personal bullshit this week! Need a night to recharge the batteries, so I can absolutely assault your sensibilities with full force next week. Mucho apologies, and we will both see you on Wednesday!

Ethan Hawke has been cast as the villain in ‘Moon Knight’ series and this is fantastic news

moon knight ethan hawke villain

Man. Disney snagged my interest in Moon Knight (a character I admittedly love) when they cast Oscar Isaac in the titular role. But, now them motherfuckers are exacerbating my excitement. Why? ‘Cause they fucking cast Ethan Hawke as the villain. Oh, dear Hawke. Welcome to the world of superhero roles, it’s sort of surprising it’s taken you this long to land one.

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Weekend Open Bar: Everyone In Greek Mythology Absolutely Fucks

weekend open bar everyone in greek mythology

It’s true, dudes. Everyone in Greek mythology is absolutely gorgeous and definitely fucks. Just, you know how it goes when you’re immortal and hot as shit. No holes barred. Pun intended, motherfucker! But, enough of my puerile pourings. Right? I mean, that ain’t the objective of this column. Is it? Maybe, maybe it actually happens to be. You know, just a place to blather on and on with all you good folks, across a given weekend. After all, this shit is the Weekend Open Bar.

Your one-stop shop for reading my ruminations on Greek Gods fucking, conversing with other members of the Space-Ship Omega about what they’re up to this weekend, and other happy horseshit!

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FX’s got a new sci-fi series from ‘The Queen’s Gambit’ writer and ‘Chernobyl’ director. I say, goddamn!

the queen's gambit chernobyl director sci fi show

Things I absolutely fuck with and would be happy to mash together: Pop-Tarts and sex. Popcorn and the movies. Caffeine addictions and workout supplements. Oh, and also The Queen’s Gambit writer and Chernobyl director. Especially for a fucking sci-fi series! Let’s go.

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John Carpenter has signed deal with Serial Box to produce original audio horror stories under ‘John Carpenter Presents’ banner

john carpenter serial box deal john carpenter presents

You know, I’ve never heard of Serial Box until today. However, I imagine that’s why the motherfuckers signed a deal with John Carpenter! The GOAT will be producing a line of original audio stories under the John Carpenter Presents banner. Mission fucking accomplished, Serial Box. I’ll be keeping an eye on you now.

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Most distant quasar discovered has the mass of 1.6 billion suns. Holy hell!

most distant quasar has mass of 1.6 billion suns

As I often say around these parts, space is fucking nuts. Like, how do we comprehend this shit? A quasar with the mass of 1.6 billion suns! It’s beyond the understanding of our monkey minds. But, that’s why I love it so much.

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