What’s up, my dudes? I know I’m tardy again with this column, but fucking take what you get! Are you the one writing it? Are you the one staring blankly at the screen contemplating time, space, societal collapse, and booty? No! So, judge not. Or fucking judge, who gives a shit. Now we can get into this shit with my defensive posturing out of the way!
It’s hot as balls this week, and I’m both physically sweating due to the weather and existentially sweating due to my summer class starting next week. I fucking simply ain’t sweating teaching remotely once again, but I take solace in knowing it’s the final semester of it for me.
But I ain’t completely adrift in the muck-riddled malaise! Nah! Nope! I’m currently anticipating, enjoying, and furiously masturbating to. Just really cranking on it, dry style, blisters forming, as I foam at the mouth with bug-eyed intensity.
Honestly, I ain’t never heard of Rocket Lab. That is until today, when it was announced they will be designing spacecraft for NASA’s Mars mission. Hey, whatever the fuck it takes! Hey, whomever the fuck it takes! Let’s get our asses to Mars.
It ain’t a surprise that Resident Evil Village is getting DLC, considering Resident Evil 7 got its fair fucking share. That said, it’s pretty fucking dope news! I’m really enjoying Village, and I’ll definitely contemplate snagging the expansion.
‘Far Cry: Blood Dragon’ getting its own insane Netflix animated series courtesy of ‘Castlevania’ producer Adi Shankar
What the absolute fuck? We’re getting a goddamn Far Cry: Blood Dragon animated series? Didn’t ask for it, sort of surprised by it, but absolutely in love with the concept. Especially since it’s being spearheaded by Castlevania producer Adi Shankar. Trailer looks fucking fantastic, too.
Netflix has dashed out a dollop of The Witcher Season 2 goo for ya’ll to enjoy. Put out your tongue and gleefully take it within you. All 12 seconds of it. It ain’t much, but it’s enough to get you tingling.
El Salvador ain’t stopping at being the first country to recognize Bitcoin as legal tender. Nah! They’re going a wild step further. Its president wants to build volcano-powered crypto miners. Like, the future is so fucking wild.
Today, Microsoft announced what they had previously teased. The motherfuckers are working on an Xbox streaming stick as well as Game Pass Smart TV apps. While the technology ain’t all the way there yet, it’s wild to see a gaming giant officially embracing the future. Just smooching it. Rubbing on it. Maybe not putting it all the way in yet, but the tip is getting teased. It is!
Netflix’s ‘Cowboy Bebop’ Live-Action series dropping this Fall. Yoko Kanno doing the soundtrack! Fuck yes.
I’m definitely intrigued by the Cowboy Bebop live-actions series. Worst case scenario? It fucking sucks, and I forget about it. However, best case scenario? It rules, and it’s another dope installment in the franchise. If you’re looking for reason to believe in the latter, check this shit out. None other than the OG series composer Yoko Kanno is doing the soundtrack for it. What a fucking radical development.
Friends, this may be the greatest fucking news of the year. I Think You Should Leave‘s second season is dropping July 6.
‘Hannibal’ creator Bryan Fuller directing new adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘Christine’ and good luck buddy
Everyone loves Bryan Fuller, and I don’t doubt that he’s awesome. But he’s stepping into the shoes of the GOAT John Carpenter with this next project. Dude is directing a new adaptation of Christine, and as I said. Good luck, buddy. Here’s legitimately hoping it’s awesome.