Weekend Open Bar: Dr. Fauci’s Houseparty!

weekend open bar dr faucis house party (1)

We’re all living within Dr. Fauci’s houseparty, baby! I got to say, fucking kudos to the absolute force of a man. Being able to persuade the Rotten Orange into issuing decrees (albiet tardily) that he clearly didn’t want to is impressive. Will he win the push for a federal lockdown? Who knows! But, dude has clearly persuaded most states into chilling at home. If I’m even half as cogent as dude is at the age of 79, I’ll consider if a flat-out, nipple-stiffening victory. As an aside, man, can you really contemplate what your nipples and genitals are going will like at that age? Fauci, though? I bet dude has huge balls, though. Cannonballs.

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Streaming tonight! Special pandemical time! 9pm eastern!

‘Ant-Man 3’ brings on ‘Rick and Morty’ writer to pen the script. This absolutely fucking rules.

ant man 3 rick and morty writer

Ant-Man! An exceptionally goofy, fun movie franchise in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Rick and Morty! Clever, irreverent, fun. I’m completely on board with Ant-Man 3 being written by a dude behind Rick and Morty.

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Marvel Studios releases a fuckload of new release dates for its movies including ‘Black Widow’, ‘The Eternals’ and others

marvel studios new release dates black widow the eternals

Marvel Studios has released a fuckload of new release dates. ‘Cause, you know, fucking COVID-19. Black Widow is now dropping in November, which feels somewhat sane. This punts The Eternals to February, taking Shang-Chi‘s slot. And pretty much down the calendar the MCU movies are pushed. Not surprising.

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Space Swoon: Hubble captures a cannibal galaxy. The cosmos continues to be metal as all fuck!

hubble cannibal galaxy

Here’s some cosmic distraction, friends. The Hubble has captured a cannibal galaxy. The motherfucker NGC 4651 consumed a smaller galaxy, to give birth to the glorious one we see today.

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‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ TV series now being written by the writer behind the absolute diarrhea that was ‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword’ and like what the fuck

obi wan kenobi tv series joby harold writer

That Obi-Wan Kenobi TV series that junked all of its scripts? It’s brought on the writer of the asstacular movie King Arthur: Legend of the Sword to run the show. Yeah, I don’t fucking know at this point.

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‘The Last of Us Part II’ has been delayed indefinitely due to the coronavirus. Fuck me.

the last of us part ii delayed indefinitely

The Last of Us Part II has been delayed indefinitely as a result of, you guessed it, the fucking coronavirus. There goes, like, the one thing I was looking forward to in this fucking maelstrom of suck.

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Monday Morning Commute: An Explosive-Tipped Arrow to Our Mutual Malaise

monday morning commute an explosive tipped arrow

Hey, friends! Welcome to another edition of Monday Morning Commute, within the current pandemically painful climate! I must confess, these posts are a bit difficult to write as of late. Not that I don’t want to hang with you all — in fact, I think that may be the primary reason I churn them out at all. Rather, it’s just deeply, deeply difficult for me to concentrate on anything days. One minute I’ll be cruising along the highway of Vibe City, and the next I’m contemplating society, the health of my friends, and the health of my wife’s employment and my own. But, what the fuck can you do? Cave? No way! Instead, we must make like Rambo.

That’s right. Strip off our shirts, oil up our bodies, and launch explosive-tipped arrows at our malaise. Let our hair be as beautiful as him, and let our aim be as true.

I’ll go first! Join me in the comments.

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Remasters of most ‘Super Mario’ games coming to Nintendo Switch for the plumber’s 35th Anniversary. Fucking gnarly, dudes!

super mario remasters nintendo switch 35th anniversary

Goddamn, does Nintendo know how to throw a birthday party! The company is dropping remasters of most of the Super Mario catalog to celebrate the dude’s 35th anniversary!

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‘Castlevania’ is officially getting a Season 4. I’m staked, I mean stoked, get that shitty pun?!

castlevania season 4

Castlevania is officially getting a season 4, motherfuckers! And I’m goddamn all-in! ‘Cause as lukewarm as I was on the second season, I’m throbbing hot for the third.

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