#Welcome To the Future

Scientists have repaired injured spinal cord using patient’s own stem cells. Holy fucking future, friends!

scientists repaired injured spinal cord using patients own stem cells

How is this for a welcome blast in the ass from the Future? Scientists have repaired a patient’s spinal cord, using their own stem cells. The patients reported substantial improvements to key functions, just weeks after the cells were injected. Mamma mia, the fucking implications!

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Remastered Nyan Cat gif sold in Crypto Art Auction for equivalent of $587,000. The future is insane.

nyan cat crypto art auction

Dude, just this headline makes my nose bleed. Like, in a good way. But still. A remastered Nyan Cat gif has been sold. At a crypto art auction. For $587,000. What the fuck.

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NATO Chief wants fucking military tanks to have solar panels. This is how ‘Horizon: Zero Dawn’ started, you dildos!

nato chief military tanks solar panels

Hey! Yeah! Give military tanks solar panels, you dildos! Then, pop in a functional AI for targeting. Then, kiss your ass goodbye! We are so, so horny for the fucking Robotapocalypse.

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Nanotech scientists have engineered spinach that can send emails. And detect explosives. Seriously.

nanotech scientists teach spinach how to send emails

What the fuck are MIT engineers up to, dudes? I mean, when they’re not engineering spinach to send emails and detect explosives. Fucking wild, man. The future. Fucking wild.

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Emergency COVID Stimulus may reveal UFO Documents! Finally some Governmental Fat that I can fuck with!

emergency covid stimulus ufo documents

If you even remotely pay attention, you know all sort of bullshit is shoved into bills. Even emergency bills, like the latest COVID relief. That said, holy shit! The aforementioned relief bill requires the Pentagon to release documents about its UFO task force in the next six months. Fucking hell! I can no longer say I’ve always opposed governmental fat. After all, this is some balls-tingling pork. Release the documents! Hail the Greys!

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Watch: Boston Dynamics has created dancing robots. The Apocalypse will have rhythm!

You know, it’s just a matter of time until the robot apocalypse. However, at least the robots themselves will have fun. Shaking their asses, pivoting their pelvises. All thanks to Boston Dynamics giving the ability to dance. I’m glad to see they’re going to be able to literally dance on our ashes after they fell us in the Great War.

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Scientists discover mysterious metal monolith in Utah. I’ve seen ‘2001’ and this shit is gonna be great

Ah, 2020. You just don’t fucking quit, man. I mean, seriously? Scientists have discovered a motherfucking mysterious metal monolith has been discovered in Utah. Like, you can’t make this shit up. But, I’m stoked. Time to get our asses to Jupiter.

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Pope Francis wants us to pray that AI and robots “always serve mankind” which is wild. Prayers versus Skynet, I got Skynet.

pope francis pray ai is good always serve mankind

Pope Francis is getting into the “shitting one’s pants over AI” game, my dudes. Like, what a weird fucking world we live in. Right? The Pope is concerned about AI, and, well, wants to pray about it. I think we’d be better off using, you know, science to address the problem. But, that’s just me.

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‘Windows 95’ turns 25 years-old today. Holy fucking shit, I’m old

windows 95 turns 25 today

If you remember Windows 95, it’s time to join me in the launch dance today! Seriously though, I can’t believe this shit turns 25 today. While my first computer ran on 3.1,  Windows 95 is really the first operating system I bonded with. Weird to say, but true. Really dove deep into jerking off to gifs from American Online. Browsing Squaresoft message boards. Man, time flies.

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Run The Jewels announce their own strain of cannabis called ‘Ooh La La’ and I’ll never be sober again!

run the jewels cannabis ooh la la

Run The Jewels is dropping their own strain of cannabis named “Ooh La La”, a reference to a recent track of theirs. My oh my! If they ain’t ever daring me to stay high 24/7, as opposed to my usual habits. You know, 12/7.

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