#Welcome To the Future
Scientists discover mysterious metal monolith in Utah. I’ve seen ‘2001’ and this shit is gonna be great
Ah, 2020. You just don’t fucking quit, man. I mean, seriously? Scientists have discovered a motherfucking mysterious metal monolith has been discovered in Utah. Like, you can’t make this shit up. But, I’m stoked. Time to get our asses to Jupiter.
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Pope Francis wants us to pray that AI and robots “always serve mankind” which is wild. Prayers versus Skynet, I got Skynet.
Pope Francis is getting into the “shitting one’s pants over AI” game, my dudes. Like, what a weird fucking world we live in. Right? The Pope is concerned about AI, and, well, wants to pray about it. I think we’d be better off using, you know, science to address the problem. But, that’s just me.
‘Windows 95’ turns 25 years-old today. Holy fucking shit, I’m old
If you remember Windows 95, it’s time to join me in the launch dance today! Seriously though, I can’t believe this shit turns 25 today. While my first computer ran on 3.1, Windows 95 is really the first operating system I bonded with. Weird to say, but true. Really dove deep into jerking off to gifs from American Online. Browsing Squaresoft message boards. Man, time flies.
Run The Jewels announce their own strain of cannabis called ‘Ooh La La’ and I’ll never be sober again!
Run The Jewels is dropping their own strain of cannabis named “Ooh La La”, a reference to a recent track of theirs. My oh my! If they ain’t ever daring me to stay high 24/7, as opposed to my usual habits. You know, 12/7.
Fungus growing at Chernobyl could protect astronauts from Cosmic Rays. Like, what the fuck?
Friends! It appears the fucking flat-out disaster at Chernobyl might have some sort positive outcome. You see, motherfucking fungus growing there could protect astronauts! From goddamn cosmic rays! Which, you know, is cool and all. If you don’t want to gain Fantastic Four-like powers.
New York Times has dropped another story about how aliens are real. This timeline is wild, my friends.
The New York Times has dropped yet another story about how aliens are real, dudes. Like, just throwing it out there. Stories about “off-world vehicles” and shit like it’s no big deal. Tremendous.
KFC is working with a Russian 3D bioprinting lab to develop first lab-made chicken nuggets. Let’s go ‘Blade Runner’ baby!
KFC and a Russian 3D bioprinting lab are working hard, friends. To do what? Bring the world the first lab-made chicken nuggets. Fucking awesome. Sign me up! I mean, don’t you dare protest. What they’re already made of? Far, far worse shit.
Pentagon has released legit-ass UFO footage and how sick is this shit?
Man. The Pentagon sure chose a clever fucking time for this drop. I mean, they’ve released UFO footage! Drop it during a pandemic, bury the lede. And, that ain’t the wildest part. Senator Harry Reid has said that he is “glad the Pentagon is finally releasing this footage, but it only scratches the surface of research and materials available” with the emphasis motherfucking mine.
An Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. So, a local business started 3D printing the vales and saved lives. The future rules sometimes.
Okay, so. Maybe the future isn’t always bad. We can debate why an Italian hospital ran out of ventilator valves. Or, we could focus on the dope story of a local business 3D-printing the valves for the hospital and saving lives.
Japanese elementary school cancels graduation over coronavirus, students hold the ceremony in ‘Minecraft’ which is cool as fuck.
Hey! Here’s a neat little happening to make you smile in these absolutely appalling times! A Japanese elementary school canceled its graduation. So, did the students take it lying down? Fuck nah! They held it in Minecraft instead! So dope.
