#Welcome To the Future

Chinese Firefighters Have Been Issued Exoskeletons To Kick Fires’ Asses Better. The Future is Fucking Wild.

chinese firefighters exoskeletons

What the fuck is this? Exoskeletons are already out there in the world? I want a fucking exoskeleton. Not even for doing dope shit like these Chinese firefighters. I could use one for like going up the stairs at this point, with my creaky-ass bones and stoner lung capacity. I mean, I get that they’re doing more important things with them. But still, rocking an exoskeleton on a late day dog walk? Fucking hell yeah.

Keep Reading »

Pentagon Confirms Footage of UFOs Flying Around Navy Ships Is Real. Bruh! Holy shit.

pentagon confirms ufo footage ships is real

We live in outrageous times for fucking UFO news. Like, the Pentagon has confirmed footage of UFOs flying around Navy ships is real. Is fucking real! Now, okay. They’re probably not actual aliens (I mean, I think they are) — but the government acknowledging they don’t know what they are? Fucking sick.

Keep Reading »

MIT Scientists Release Music Made By Spiders. What The Fuck?

MIT scientists have released music made by spiders. Specifically, the music was generated by translating the structure of a spider web into music. You know, I don’t know what the fuck this means, but I’m here for it. That said, I ain’t gonna listen to it. Absolutely fucking haunting idea.

Keep Reading »

Young female Twitter star turns out to be 50 year-old Japanese biker using deepfakes. The future is absolutely fucking wild.

young female twitter star 50 year old man deepfakes

We’re all living within a Billy Gibson novel, my dudes. A Young female Twitter has revealed herself to be a fucking 50 year-old Japanese biker. Man, just drink in that fucking sentence. Tremendous. Dude convinced everyone using deepfakes, and fucking hell do I love this.

Keep Reading »

Ancient Biblical Texts discovered in a “Cave of Horror” and this is a horror movie waiting to happen!

ancient biblical texts cave of horror

Listen, I just finished watching motherfucking 30 Coins. So I know a fucking Satanic Apocalypse waiting to happen, and that’s exactly what this shit happens to be! I mean, Ancient Biblical Texts? A fucking Cave of Horror? Let’s go! I’m tired of this realm, this flesh-bag, and the horrors of mortality.

Keep Reading »

Scientists have repaired injured spinal cord using patient’s own stem cells. Holy fucking future, friends!

scientists repaired injured spinal cord using patients own stem cells

How is this for a welcome blast in the ass from the Future? Scientists have repaired a patient’s spinal cord, using their own stem cells. The patients reported substantial improvements to key functions, just weeks after the cells were injected. Mamma mia, the fucking implications!

Keep Reading »

Remastered Nyan Cat gif sold in Crypto Art Auction for equivalent of $587,000. The future is insane.

nyan cat crypto art auction

Dude, just this headline makes my nose bleed. Like, in a good way. But still. A remastered Nyan Cat gif has been sold. At a crypto art auction. For $587,000. What the fuck.

Keep Reading »

NATO Chief wants fucking military tanks to have solar panels. This is how ‘Horizon: Zero Dawn’ started, you dildos!

nato chief military tanks solar panels

Hey! Yeah! Give military tanks solar panels, you dildos! Then, pop in a functional AI for targeting. Then, kiss your ass goodbye! We are so, so horny for the fucking Robotapocalypse.

Keep Reading »

Nanotech scientists have engineered spinach that can send emails. And detect explosives. Seriously.

nanotech scientists teach spinach how to send emails

What the fuck are MIT engineers up to, dudes? I mean, when they’re not engineering spinach to send emails and detect explosives. Fucking wild, man. The future. Fucking wild.

Keep Reading »

Emergency COVID Stimulus may reveal UFO Documents! Finally some Governmental Fat that I can fuck with!

emergency covid stimulus ufo documents

If you even remotely pay attention, you know all sort of bullshit is shoved into bills. Even emergency bills, like the latest COVID relief. That said, holy shit! The aforementioned relief bill requires the Pentagon to release documents about its UFO task force in the next six months. Fucking hell! I can no longer say I’ve always opposed governmental fat. After all, this is some balls-tingling pork. Release the documents! Hail the Greys!

Keep Reading »