#Welcome To the Future

Pepsi loyalty program will put straight cash in your Venmo account. I’m about to be fucking rich!

pepsi loyalty program venmo

A rough estimation has me consuming between 3,000-4,500 cans of Pepsi Max and Diet Dew weekly. So, man, this Pepsi Loyalty program? About to make me fucking rich!

Keep Reading »

Large Underwater Research Station has disappeared without a fucking trace. I welcome the Elder Gones finally waking up!

underwater research station vanished

A large underwater research station has flat-out fucking vanished. Is this the Elder Gods finally waking up? Getting ready to wipe our dumb asses out? One can only hope. Either way, this is wild.

Keep Reading »

Lab-Grown “mini-brains” start producing human-like brain waves after months in a dish. The future is fucking wild

human like brain waves lab brains

I say, goddamn! Scientists have grown mini-brains in a lab. These “mini-brains” are clusters of human brain cells called organoids, and after six-to-nine months they start producing electrical patterns similar to that of a preterm infant. Fucking wild. Why the fuck these mad scientists doing this? Great question. They are hoping these organoids can help understand the earliest phase of human brain development, and diseases such as autism and schizophrenia.

Keep Reading »

DARPA badly needs underground complex by Friday for undisclosed experiment! What could possibly fucking go wrong?

darpa underground complex experiment

DARPA like, badly needs an underground complex by Friday! For an experiment! They’ve put out a literal public appeal, and hey! Why not help out? Let’s hasten along the apocalypse with a fun experiment.

Keep Reading »

Designers want to give 3D printers legs and let them wander the Earth. Horrifying. Sublime.

designers 3d printers wander

Designers want to give 3D printers legs, and let them wander the motherfucking Earth. I’m all in on this insanity. This would let them fill in asphalt, create artificial coral reefs, and other bonkers shit. Honestly? It’s so cool, and so forward-thinking that it’ll never happen in this Hellscape Reality. But, we can dream!

Keep Reading »

OL Turns Ten-Years Old Today, Goodness Gracious!

ol turns 10

OL turns 10 today. Good god, friends. I knew it was coming, but it’s still incredible to me. Ten fucking years! Ten years.

In some ways, man. Life is exactly the same for me — still absolutely hyped about shit I enjoy, still puerile. Though, I definitely talk about jizz a little less.

In some ways, man. Life is completely different for me. At its inception, I was a starving graduate student with a girlfriend who was too good for me. Using student loans to buy groceries. Now I’m married to said girlfriend, actually got a job. House. A dog. Boring as fuck and loving it. I’m stable! Relatively.

More than anything, I’m grateful-as-fuck for everyone who has ever contributed to the cosmos-spanning madness that is OL. To everyone who has written for OL, who has commented, who has shared or liked an article or meme.

Keep Reading »

Amazon says its facial recognition systems can now detect fear. What a fantastic development for the police state!

amazon facial recognition fear

Amazon’s facial recognition systems can now detect fear! Hey! Wee! I can’t possibly imagine this shit being used for ill. I mean, right? *Infinitely sarcastic wink*

Keep Reading »

Japan is offering $1 billion research grant for human augmentation and cyborg technology. The middle finger to mortality, comrades!

japan human augmentation cyborg

Japan is offering some serious cheese for human augmentation and cyborg research. Pretty awesome, no? Also, pretty bold of them that there’s a future for the planet that’s worth existing on, no?

Keep Reading »

Watch: Keanu Reeves deepfaked onto ‘Sesame Street’ is the hauntingly beautiful way to start the week

Keanu Reeves deepfaked onto Sesame Street. It’s equal parts horrifying and endearing.

Keep Reading »

Dickhead vanilla-fart streaming star Ninja moving from Twitch to Mixer. Anything to get him out of the spotlight, IMO

ninja twitch mixer

Ninja is the Big Bang Theory of streamers. Stunningly middle ground, cringy, and unremarkable. That said, like the show, he’s fucking enormous because he plays to the tremendous amount of dumb asses in the world. So, when dude announces he’s moving from Twitch to Mixer? I can only hope it moves him out of the zeitgeist. Even just a little.

Keep Reading »