#Welcome To the Future

An Alien-Themed brothel has bought a sex robot. The future’s here, and of course, it’s about sex.

ufo themed brothel alien sex robots

An alien-themed brothel has bought a sex robot, friends. Not only that, but it’s pairing it with teledildonics (that’s a real word), so that one may have a remote-experience with the sex robot. Hey, man. The Earth is on fire and Democracy is dead, but we can fart on robots now in order to get off. From across the globe. Progress?

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Dudes get arrested after drilling through wall to steal 85 Bitcoin machines. The future is so fucking wild.

arrested steal bitcoin machines malaysia

Welcome to a headline from the Future, folks! Which is apparently happening. No less than five dudes were arrested for drilling through a wall to steal 85 Bitcoin machines. Fucking wild.

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MIT’s got robot blocks that can self-assemble like Transformers. Oh, the robot apocalypse fixing to be wild!

MIT got itself robot blocks that self-assemble. I mean, I’ve long been welcoming our robot overlords. And now I’m doubly excited, because they’re going to be coming in fun-ass forms.

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New machine on the International Space Station is going to turn trash into “ink” for 3D Printer aboard the station. The future fucking rules, dudes.

new machine iss ink 3d printer

Man, this ain’t a line out of Transmetropolitan or some other science-fiction work. Nope! Nope, nope. A new machine on the ISS is going to be able to turn trash into “ink” for a 3D printer aboard the station. Sometimes the future is awesome.

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Astronauts have bioprinted beef in space for the first time. Look at that headline! Fucking wild.

astronauts bioprint beef

Man, just look at this fucking headline. Astronauts. Bioprinting beef. Wild, wild times.

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Times Square gets ‘They Live’ Trump billboard thanks to crowdfunding. Well done, public.

they live times trump billboard

There is a They Live billboard in Times Square, featuring Trump, that Orange Fuck himself. It’s up thanks to crowdfunding, which is doubly amazing.

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Japanese scientists have created artificial blood that could be used on any patient. Gimme a hell yeah for science!

artificial blood any patient

Fuck yeah, science! Fuck yeah, medicine! Japanese scientists have created an artificial blood that could be used on any patient. Like, goddamn future.

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Hackers play porn on a Detroit highway billboard. Hack the fucking planet (with porn)!

hackers detroit highway porn

There is malicious hacking. There is benevolent hacking. Then, there is also hacking to hang some dong on a billboard.

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Pepsi loyalty program will put straight cash in your Venmo account. I’m about to be fucking rich!

pepsi loyalty program venmo

A rough estimation has me consuming between 3,000-4,500 cans of Pepsi Max and Diet Dew weekly. So, man, this Pepsi Loyalty program? About to make me fucking rich!

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Large Underwater Research Station has disappeared without a fucking trace. I welcome the Elder Gones finally waking up!

underwater research station vanished

A large underwater research station has flat-out fucking vanished. Is this the Elder Gods finally waking up? Getting ready to wipe our dumb asses out? One can only hope. Either way, this is wild.

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