#Monday Morning Commute
What’s up, friends? I must admit I created the column’s title and image above yesterday, when I was feeling decidedly much better. Today? On Tuesday? I don’t know man, I’m fucking tired. Slept like shit. Sam’s been waiting for a call regarding her potential job, so the entire house is feeling them stressed vibes. Teaching? A fucking grind!
But it ain’t all shitty, you know? The Super Covid Serum continues to work in my meat-bag, and I’m looking forward to passing the the two-week mark next week. Then I will be invincible! Capable of downloading 5G directly into my brain, scaling the tallest buildings, and communing with my God-Emperor, Bill Gates!
Anyways, I’m sorry I’m complaining! Let’s hang the fuck out, fellas! Fellas of any gender! Species! This is Monday Morning Commute! Per the column’s ontological imperative, I’m about to give a rundown of what I’m digging this week! Then you’re gonna join me in the comments section.
Don’t trust anyone who offers you a crock of gold, folks! It’s a motherfucking Leprechaun Job! What does that mean? Man, I don’t fucking know. Okay? Okay! The shitty, pointless headline pun is simply the result of me watching the first Leprechaun this weekend. Fuck, it’s a goddamn goofy-ass blast. I didn’t realize how silly the movie would be, but I enjoyed it all the more for it. Now I must work my way through the series.
‘Cause do you really think I’m gonna miss out on this little fucker going to space?
Or the hood? Twice?
Anyways, this here is Monday Morning Commute! The weekly column where we share the arts&farts we’re digging into during a given week.
But you know that cause you’re here! And if you’re here, you’re assuredly a stalwart member of the community. You see, we don’t get many new visitors round these parts. To reference the King’s works himself, OL has become a veritable Derry or Salem’s Lot at this point. I don’t mind though!
Not at all, no I don’t. So long as you regulars hang out in the comments section, that is!
Listen, I can’t speak to the classic installments featuring both characters. I can’t! I simply can’t. However, I know that in the modern iterations, Godzilla ain’t got shit on Kong. Look at that gif! He don’t want that smoke. Guarantee dude runs away, like he spent the entirety of his last movie doing. And then? Dude will probably roll up, blast Kong with a cheap-ass nuclear reactor blast, and everyone will jizz. But pound for pound? Grit for grit? Kong’s a goddamn mauler and we must respect him as such. All of this is probably just an overly long way to introduce this column with the notion that, yes, I’m officially excited for this movie.
But that ain’t all, folks! Fucks! Nope. I’m stoked for a bunch of other shit this week, and I’ll let you know all about them below. That is, after all, the function of the weekly Monday Morning Commute. Then you’ll hit up the comments section with your own musing. It’s the tacit agreement we have, friends.
Can’t wait to take my fucking mask off, friends! Like, I get that it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe the end of 2021? But it feels more and more real with each passing day. You know? Here in the greatest state in the union they’re opening up vaccine eligibility to all starting April 19, and I’m fucking torqued. Gonna work them sign-up sites like I’m hunting for a goddamn PlayStation 5. I’m also hoping that I’ll have more success getting a vaccine appointment than everyone is having getting that fucking console. ‘Cause mamma mia, are PS5s hard to come by these days.
With the impending access to a vaccine, the sunny days, and the progression of the semester, I’m feeling good. Who knows if the vibe will last, but I’m just riding it right now. Why not, right?
So let’s hang out here together, my dudes! My friends! My comrades! Right here in the newest edition of Monday Morning Commute. What are you doing this week? What are you digging this week? I want to know! But first, I’ll show!
Stop making sense, motherfuckers! It’s overrated. t breaks down when you consider the big stuff, anyways. So kick sense to the curb, and go beyond the impossible! Or, at least post-up here with me for a bit. My name is Caffeine Powered and I’m the Captain of this Fucking Glorious Calamity. The Space-Ship Omega!
Most important to note is that your Captain is on Spring Break! A glorious temporary reprieve from the grind of Existential Worry, Remote Learning, and a Sleep Schedule. It explains why I’m so excessively caffeinated as of right now, and also why my guts are full of waffle fries and a cheeseburger on a weekday night.
Perhaps being on Spring Break can also explain why I’m a bit chipper tonight! But that can probably also be explained by the aforementioned caffeine, my persistent undulating waves of manic depression, or the Talking Heads currently performing on my Tele-Visor. Fuck, maybe it can be explained only by considering all of those factors.
Anyways, this is Monday Morning Commute! Those who know, probably already know. Those who don’t know, probably aren’t here. Let’s fucking shoot the shit regarding what we’re up to this week!
I’ll go first. See you in the comments section, my loves!
Monday is over for me, motherfuckers! The ring light has been stuffed under my computer desk. The laptop that I use to do remote work has been shuddered. Most importantly, a glorious Mountain Dew Zero Sugar Major Melon has been cracked open. Monday is over for me, indeed! I mean, I’ve drank about seven of them today, but caffeine has a more congratulatory pop when it’s ingested during the off-hours.
But, this Monday being over is more glorious than any run of the mill Monday. You see, Spring Break is next week! Which means I’m one step closer to shutting down the ring light for like seven fucking days, playing a shit ton of video games, and generally relaxing. Four fucking days to go!
Mamma mia, I simply cannot fucking wait for this upcoming Siesta.
But, being a lazy piece of shit ain’t that only thing I’m sweating this week. Nope! Folks, I got all sorts of shit on my pop cultural plate this week! Delicious morsels of cultural caloric bliss that I’m more than eager to stuff into my brain-mouth! While mixing metaphors, analogies, and all of that other shit!
In fact, guess what? I’m going to fucking tell you what I’m gorging on this week. In fact, guess what? You’re going to join me in the comments after I’m done.
What the fuck is up, members of the Space-Ship Omega? How are you doing? I’m currently typing this bitch while actual rays of sun blast through my window. And while they aren’t supercharging my glands, my glutes, and my muscles ala Superman, these rays do feel good. So I’m hitting this son of a bitch with a bit more ebullience than I would have, had I actually written this yesterday.
Which I intended to, honest! But then the day got in the way, and blah, blah. None the less, let’s embrace the Here and the Now together.
What are you radical fucking pseudo-primates up to this week? What are you enjoying? Sweating the next WandaVision? Gleefully watching the snow melt? I don’t know, enjoying baseball’s Spring Training or some other odd shit?
I want to know! I want to show! I’ll go! First!
This is Monday Morning Commute.
Father forgive me, because I do know what I do! Mainly, I fling profanities and fluids with a carelessness that must be condemned and appreciated. You know? Oh, you fucking know! Seriously though, I had to riff one last time on 30 Coins before its season finale this week. Mamma mia, what a really, really, really fun fucking show. Sad to see it go, glad to have experienced it, quietly wondering if we are going to get a second season.
But that wild, wonderful show about secret sects, spider babies, forbidden gospels, and hot, hot people ain’t the only thing I’m enjoying this week. In fact, I got a whole fucking list of shit I’m digging this week! Double in fact, I’m about to reveal that list to you! Open your eyes! Open your mind! Open your ass! Bask in the infinity of my hobbies and interests! Scream, as said list shears mind from common sense. Scream, as said list condemns you to an oblivion only previously thought theoretical.
As our own Neo said to me today, lately my ass definitely sounds “kinda burned for this early in the semester” and he ain’t wrong. I don’t know, man! Fucking snow! Fucking gray skies! Fucking remote teaching! It’s all just a lot, and every day survived feels like a small victory. There’s sludge in the brain! Mud in the blood! My synaptic cycling is definitely more slowed than preferred.
Eh! Fuck it, right? I mean, I don’t know what to do.
Keep moving! Keep going! Push forward.
I’m just grousing, but I’m here! Which has to count for something, right? Please tell me yes. Just lie, if need be. I need it.
Meanwhile, despite my gloom, I’m enjoying my fair share of commodities and consumerist models. So I’m gonna share these oddities, commodities, and various arts & farts with ya’ll. Then, I hope you’ll decide to join me in the comments section.
Let’s fucking go!
This is Monday Morning Commute.
It’s true! My skeleton is my oldest house. Within its walls, do I ever haunt. The burbling, bubbling of a mad brain. The frenzied, arrhythmic horrors of an over-caffeinated heart. The creaky, laborious groans of a skeleton subjected to gravity, entropy, and exertion. Oh, does my soul walk these halls. Oh, do I ever haunt. This house, the oldest house, it treats me well.
The oldest house keeps my meat-processor protected from the elements, until it doesn’t.
The oldest house keeps my circuitry protected from the elements, until it doesn’t.
I don’t fault the oldest house for its failing, for when it fails to protect me. Or, when the piping gets clogged. Or, when the meat-processor over-heats, or short-circuits. After all, what house is infallible? Show me the lark selling that shanty, and I’ll show you a liar.
My house, the oldest house, isn’t perfect.
But it’s the house I’ve got, and it’s the house I’ll have, until I have no house no more.
I take reasonable care of it, and it takes reasonable care of me.
On certain days, we’d probably ask more out of one another, but for the most part we’re pretty happy. Which is good.
‘Cause it’s the house I’ve got, and it’s the house I’ll have, until I have no house no more.
This is Monday Morning Commute.