#Video Games

‘Streets of Rage 4′ is bringing back the series’ original composers. The nostalgia is throbbing, dudes!

Streets of Rage 4 is shaping up to be pretty fucking wizard, ain’t it? The gameplay? Dope. And now, the music? Also dope.

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‘Nintendo Switch Lite’ is a cheaper, handheld-only version of the console. Dropping September 20!

Man, I sold my Switch. And, I shouldn’t have. I fucked up, okay! I sold it, and now I miss it. So, I’m patiently waiting for Nintendo to announce their Switch Pro or some shit. They ain’t done that today, but they have announced a new iteration. The Switch Lite, which is pretty much a handheld console. You know, with a fantastic library.

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‘Valfaris’ Trailer: A game that answers the question, what if ‘Contra’ was even MORE FUCKING METAL?!

Aiight, we got Blazing Chrome coming out literally next week. But, that ain’t gonna be the end of  the Contra love letters this year. Place your eyeballs upon this metal-as-fuck game, Valfaris. Holy shit, yes.

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‘Alan Wake’ publishing rights regained by publisher Remedy Entertainment. Give me a fucking sequel, NOW!

alan wake rights remedy entertainment

Man, I fucking love cult classic Alan Wake from Remedy Entertainment. But, for years the publishing rights have been held by Microsoft, who seemed deeply not interested in a sequel. However, Remedy got them shits back! So, maybe the sequel is finally coming.

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‘Blazing Chrome’ Trailer: This love letter to ‘Contra’ drops so damn soon. July 11, baby!

Forget Konami’s new trash-ass Contra coming down the pipe. Blazing Chrome is the modern love letter we deserve. And, it’s dropping fucking soon. July 11!

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Nintendo Switch outsold PlayStation and Xbox in May. This makes sense, them consoles fucking oldddd

nintendo switch outsold xbox playstation may

The Nintendo Switch is still absolutely fucking beasting, friends. Meanwhile, the current iterations of the PlayStation and Xbox are starting to flag behind in monthly sales. But, this makes sense. The Nintendo Switch dropped two years ago, while the other two are closing in on six years old. Still, it’s an interesting time in the console wars, no?

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‘Zelda: Breath of the Wild’ Sequel Announcement Trailer: The title that made everyone but me orgasm is getting a follow-up, obviously.

Orgasms are cool! I’m glad that Breath of the Wild made so many of my gaming friends orgasm! Me? Oh, I thought it was whatever. But, still! I’m glad that everyone who orgasmed over the title will have a sequel to blow their juices over.

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‘Final Fantasy VII Remake’ is going to take up two Blu-Ray discs. And that’s just the first installment, my dudes

final fantasy vii remake two blu ray discs

After watching the FFVII Remake reveal, I still have no idea if I’m feeling it or not. Is the combat going to be fun? Or just splashy garbage? Is breaking it up into installments a good idea, or a cash grab? I don’t know, I don’t know. What I do know is that the first installment itself is going to be enormous.

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‘Watch Dogs Legion’ Trailer: All of London is ready to pwn the Powers That Be. Yeah, pwn!

Okay, I’m going to be upfront: I’m pretty fucking annoyed that the entire cast of Watch Dogs 2 has been jettisoned. That said, I’m really intrigued by the prospect of a goddamn Watch Dogs game where you can recruit anyone, and permadeath is a thing. Plus, them going full-cyberpunk aesthetics is always an effective, but cheap ploy to give me a boner.

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‘Carrion’ Trailer: A “Reverse Horror” game where you play as the monster. It got ‘The Thing’ feels and I’m here for it!

Carrion is a pixel art game where you play as the fucking monster? Just straight-up destroying the eggheads and others who locked you up? Hell yes. Here’s a trailer for the game.

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