#Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!!

Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (6.29.2016) – Tentacles Tantalizing The Alien Illuminati


How many narratives can you fit into your skull, concurrently? How many narratives can you ingest whole hog, before the sheer volume of whole hog-narratives begin to compromise your enjoyment of each one of those narratives, individually? It’s something I struggle with, if no one else does, on a daily basis. The amount of comic books that drop on a given week worth reading, just the ones you know about, are aware of, is staggering. Then combine those titles with an entire month’s. Then combine those an entire year’s. Then combine those with all the movies you watch, games you play, television you ingest. Narratives upon characters upon tropes upon motifs upon subtexts, forever and ever, twisting and writhing in on themselves until they’re one anxiety-inducing pastiche of memorable immemorable moments. Granted, that’s if you, like me, place value on doing something other than simply ingesting. If you dare yourself to pause, if you dare yourself to find the time to pause, and reflect upon what you’re consuming. Slamming shut the consumer-gullet for but a moment and attempting to dig your fingernails into the meat of the mess.

What does this have to do with comics? Comic books present the clearest ideation of this problem for me. Week after week, what should be enjoyment, presents itself as an onslaught. Eat all these narratives, Ian. Mash them in mouth, swallow them whole, then try and find the will to remember the story lines and the energy to poke around at the edges of the comic books’ themes, ideas, et cetera.

What’s the alternative? Read less, more. I suppose. But even then, the gnawing sensation that I’m missing gets me. What’s the alternative to the alternative? Consume wildly, recklessly, not pausing to appreciate, but rather viewing the Stack as something to be conquered.

All of this is to say I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with the Comic Book World, but hey. I’m here.

This is Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!!. The (theoretically) weekly column where I list what I intend to purchase on a New Comic Book Day. Provided my anxiety can be contained, that my medicated moat staves off the Enormity of It All. Per usual, hit up the comments section with your own purchases. My list is by no means all-encompassing, or reflective of a “Best Of TheWeek”, but rather the titles I’ve stumbled across. TL;DR if this list sucks, please help me by pointing out what I missed.

Don’t know what dropped this week? Here’s the list.

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (6.08.2016) – The Realpolitik of Injecting Vikings Into Your Brain

head lopper

Eh! What a fucking stupid article title. But here we are, here we are. No time for being clever when a column is three days late. No time for pretending to be clever, when you’re actually not clever. Buy These Flippin’ Comics! The weekly injection of my poor taste, my poor writing, my poor self into your comic book buying diet! ##SelfFlagellation. Missed a week. Then stuttered three days. But I haven’t been completely idle, oh, no! I haven’t. In fact, most of my free time lately has been spent mainlining comic books. Stumbling around, freshly woken from my comic books slumber. A year’s worth of comic books unread is hard to rally back from. Stumbling around, frosted Pepsi Max biscuits hanging from my beard. Reading title after title after title, crossing out the backlog of some of my favorite series. Stumbling around, feeling the walls, trying to grow accustomed to the comic book world as it is.

It feels good, man. Awash in the world of sequential artwork.

It feels overwhelming, man. Awash in the backlog of the world of sequential artwork.

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (5.25.2016) – All Hail The Hype Event!

fear and loathing

It’s Wednesday. Which means its time for another installment of Buy These Flippin’ Comics. Look at this shit, two weeks in a row. Buckle up. I’m about to blow hard my blow hole about some comic news that blows, and also some about comic books that will hopefully blow me away.

I hope you’ll join me in the comments section, recommending your own picks for the week, supplementing my poor taste, taking it easy on my rot-skulled opinions.

Don’t know what’s dropping? Check out this week’s releases here.

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (5.18.2016) – The Comic Store Is A Consensual Hallucination

american alien

Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!!  A couple of weeks ago, one of OL’s longest supporters on Facebook was like, dudes, where the shit is the weekly comic book column. Turns out it’s a great question, Sarah!

I didn’t think it had been that long since we had one.

It had been a year.

I didn’t think it had been that long since I had been writing it, personally.

It had been four years.

My departure, not surprisingly, is connected to the time of my life when I finished graduate school, got engaged, bought a house, got a dog, and started working fifty+ hours a week.

That’s the truth, man. That’s the goddamn truth, man.

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Buy These Futzing Comics!!! (6.3.2015) You Are Not Your Unnecessary Sequel


Your are not your universe obliterating mega-crossover events. Your are not your variant covers, or your movie tie-ins, or even your love-affair with nostalgia. You are Jack’s Sagging Testicles. You are his Receding Hair-line, his Second Mortgage. You are Jack’s Enlarged Prostate, and you are Jack’s Pill Addiction. Welcome back to Fight Club, Marlas and Tylers. Welcome back to Buy These Futzing Comics. No rules here, my little space monkeys, only rad comics. Strap in, make sure you grab a name tag, and slide…

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (2.18.15) – Life Is A Bitch (Planet)

welcome to the dance

Okay! And we are live, again! Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! coming to you from the rotting guts of my Mind Palace. It’s a lot like that dweeb Sherlock’s Mind Palace, but the walls are covered in scrawling made from indiscernible fluids that are swearing fealty to the Gods of Diet Dew, Beards, and Buttocks. The room is constantly blaring the bass line to RTJ’s Blockbuster Night Part 1, and everything is generally terrible. But that’s where we’re coming to you from! The fuck do you want me to do? Lie (cheatstealkillwin)? Ain’t going to do it! This week sees a wonderful little collection of comic books hitting me upside the pocket, iPad, tangible bookshelf, booty, brain, and spirit. From the Marvelous Kamala Khan to Them Fucking Aliens out in the Asteroid Belt. From one final (She)-Hulking out to the glorious non-compliant members of Bitch Planet.

These are the comics I’m reading this week. Suggestions, much like free Dew and Nachos, are not just welcomed. They’re fucking encouraged. (Because I’m a fatty caffeine addict, who is oblivious to all the good comics out there.)

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (2.04.15) – The Force Ain’t Strong With This Fatso

Star Wars #2.

I’m an overeater. Like, I eat a fucking fuckload. Like, a couple of nights ago the Wife woke me up. I was on the couch. I was on the couch because I decided I would eat a couple of chocolate chip bagels after taking a piss. Covered in crumbs and chocolate, I sauntered to bed. Where am I going with this? Chill. Chill. Sometimes I think of doing a diet blog to keep myself honest. But I’ll level with you — I like being a fatso too much. However, I also, also!, struggle with reading comics.


Sometimes I get behind on my reading. Or I get overwhelmed by the sheer backlog of all the funnies I haven’t read. And I quit! Just straight-up fucking quit for months at a time. I drain away the nights I should be injecting sequential art to the meat-squash by refreshing asses on Tumblr. Or watching Vines of people I hate because hating things is easier than being productive.

So here I am. In Buy These Flippin’ Comics. I can’t fucking believe I haven’t burped up another one of these columns since September, since the HotSauce left us for Greener Pastures. I don’t really have a fucking reason. Laziness. Or business. Or both. Whatever. And so to tie it back into my overeating, chocolate-fingered nightmare, I’m hoping writing this column will keep me honest on my comics game.

And I’m hoping you’ll keep me honest by recommending froggy-fresh titles I should be checking out. I’m months behind, but I’m an Eager Beaver for Comic Wood.

Don’t know what’s dropping this week? Check out the releases right here.

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (09.11.2014) Seen Better Days


Ladies, germs.  I am not well.  What started out Monday as a simple sore throat, just the tiniest of itches, has mutated inside of me.  I am transformed now.  I feel wholly different.  I’m like Vincent D’Onofrio in Men In Black – just a human shell for an alien bug that is wearing me like a Member’s Only jacket, talking in slurred speech and a weird non-Midwestern dialect.  I feel like my mutant power is whining like an infant child.  Get Xavier on the phone, see if this is Omega Level or not.  Feels like it.  I have a few solaces, though:  hot liquids, cold ice cubes, a bunch of purple pills from Dr. Spaceman that soothe the throat but has the unfortunate side effect of “trickle nipple.”  And comics.  Comics have been a longtime sick-day savior, comforting me when medicine and absentee parenting did not.  So I venture out, my throat a hot barrel of fire.  So what if I’m Patient Zero for some new super-strain of Sarlaac Esophogeal Syndrome, I need mah comics!  And now I bring my buy-sies to you.  I’ve seen better days, sure, but sharing my weekly comic-book haul works better than any goddamned, bitter-tasting throat lozenge.  So step inside, friends.  Let’s heal through the power of funnybooks.

A full list of this week’s comics can be found right HERE.

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (8.27.14) – A Proles Paradise In The Asteroid Belt


“It was a goddamn proles paradise”, my great-great-great-great grandson will say. He will decline to comment on how the machinery hauling ice off of the asteroids took his arm, crushing it between deadlines and an unforgiving ship hull. He will never, ever comment on how he lost his husband to a beautiful bartender and her false promises of making a new life on Mars. “It was a goddamn proles paradise”, he will repeat. Staring into the amber forgiveness of his drink. “Everyone could have a job if they wanted one”, declining to mention what those jobs were. “Everybody could make a life if they wanted one”, never actually describing what that life would be like.

But that’s another tale, for another day. All of us lead-foots here on the Blue Marble can only look forward to our great-great-great-great grandchildren and their expeditions in the Asteroid Belt with wonder. With anticipation. For us, the skies are still ceilings, and the planets still empty promises. To fulfill these yearnings we turn to narratives, to music, art, film, television, comic books.

These are the comic books I’m looking forward to this week. How about you?

Don’t know what’s coming out? Check a list of this week’s releases right here!

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Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! (8.20.14) – Warren Ellis on that Murakami Steez!

Warren Ellis Time!

It’s Wednesday, friends. Which means one thing. Namely, that my wife (to be) is coming home tomorrow from her business trip. And that fucking jizz rocket that bombed past my head earlier today as I wanked it for the 300th time since she left has yet to be found. I’m almost positive it punctured time and space, rupturing the Fabric of It All. Maybe it hit some nun in a McDonald’s on the other side of the planet. Whatever the case, I cannot fucking find it. And I’m worried.

But if Wednesday has to mean two things, the second would be that it’s time for another edition of Buy These Flippin’ Comics. Where we share the funny books we’re snagging on a given week. Me? For yours truly, this week is wrought with metaphysics, inspiring younglings, and the return of a favorite writer. Don’t know what’s dropping?

Check a list of this week’s releases right here!

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