Scientists baffled by strange radio waves coming from center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The aliens are inside the cosmic house!
Scientists ain’t got a clue about the fucking strange radio waves coming from the center of our galaxy. Ain’t got a fucking clue! Straight baffled! But, I mean, come on. It’s (probably not) aliens. Obviously.
Motherfucking Mars used to have a lake, dudes. Let’s get there, terraform that shit, and then start this whole shit show all over again. Maybe? Word? I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Unless I ain’t? Anyways, fucking hell, let’s just be stoked about this find.
Where the fuck is my fucking jet pack? We were promised jet packs! Instead, we got climate crisis! This ain’t the future pop culture promised! I mean, the only time travel we fucking got is Texas hurtling backwards in time! However, apparently it ain’t all dogshit. Motherfucking NASA is testing electric air taxis, and, okay, this is dope.
Scientists are like, we need to get the fuck outta here. We gotta find some habitable fucking planets. Well, they’ve found some massive ass ocean worlds. Good job, dorks. Good job, eggheads. Just kidding, I fucking love ya’ll. Now these planets. Do they have life? Perhaps! Could they support our life? Not sure! None the less, meet these fucking “Hycean” planets!
Some folks have said the scale model of Blue Origin’s rocket now on sale isn’t a dildo. My emphatic, ideology-driven retort? Anything can be a dildo so long as you have faith in yourself and an open mind to the curiosities of the world.
Ah, 2021. Sometimes your fucking headlines are depressingly preposterous. Sometimes preposterously depressing. Then sometimes like today, they’re just sort of fucking preposterous. We got some motherfucker(s) building a privately owned space station. I can’t knock their desire to get the fuck outta here, but I do want them to take me.
NASA’s Mars Rover may on site of Ancient Pond, not huge lake as previously thought. Water is water is water, bro.
Okay, I know that water is not water is not water. Like, there’s a strong difference between a fucking ancient pond and a huge lake. But, either way, I’m fucking stoked for what the NASA Mars Rover is studying. And besides, this is just one new theory about what the fuck happened in the Gale crater. We still don’t fucking know! The cosmos, man.
Astronomers have found two red objects in our Asteroid belt. Big fucking deal, right? Actually, big fucking deal! Them fuckers shouldn’t be there, and they may actually explain our early system. You two red objects! You helpful fuckers!
Even after his death, Berty Einstein’s presence is felt. Astronomers have detected light coming from behind a black hole for a first time, confirming another of dude’s predictions. Rock and roll, Albert! Rock and roll.
Hubble is doing us all a solid, finding some fucking water vapor on Jupiter’s moon. Cause lord knows, there ain’t enough here on Earth right now. You know, given all the fucking droughts. Given the fact that I can’t fucking breath outside here on the East Coast because the West Coast is on fire. Okay, fine. A tenuous connection to this dope news, but cut me some slack. My air is poison.