We’ve known for a long time that Jupiter’s Great Red Spot was fucking superficially huge. But, we haven’t known how fucking deep it was. Until now! Thanks to Juno, we know that motherfucker is up to 310 miles deep. Goddamn!
It’s insane to think that prior to this news, all 4,000 exoplanets we have discovered have been in the Milky Way. With this fucking find? My word, does the Cosmos ever open up. Like, I sort of assumed other galaxies have planets, but this confirmation is wild.
Listen, if we’re going to land humans on the Moon in 2024, we gotta get this shit going. One of the first steps? Sending Artemis I up to the Moon in February 2022 for an unmanned mission.
Most powerful space telescope ever will look into the “dark ages” of the universe. Careful, brother!
We must be careful when we peer into dark ages of the universe with the most powerful space telescope ever. For when we do, that motherfucker will peer back. Seriously though, I’m fucking stoked for what the James Webb telescope is gonna discover.
Listen, why any motherfuckers focusing on the “only on one side” portion of this story? Silly! Dumb! Instead, let’s be stoked that fucking water vapor has been found on Europa.
Scientists baffled by strange radio waves coming from center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The aliens are inside the cosmic house!
Scientists ain’t got a clue about the fucking strange radio waves coming from the center of our galaxy. Ain’t got a fucking clue! Straight baffled! But, I mean, come on. It’s (probably not) aliens. Obviously.
Motherfucking Mars used to have a lake, dudes. Let’s get there, terraform that shit, and then start this whole shit show all over again. Maybe? Word? I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Unless I ain’t? Anyways, fucking hell, let’s just be stoked about this find.
Where the fuck is my fucking jet pack? We were promised jet packs! Instead, we got climate crisis! This ain’t the future pop culture promised! I mean, the only time travel we fucking got is Texas hurtling backwards in time! However, apparently it ain’t all dogshit. Motherfucking NASA is testing electric air taxis, and, okay, this is dope.
Scientists are like, we need to get the fuck outta here. We gotta find some habitable fucking planets. Well, they’ve found some massive ass ocean worlds. Good job, dorks. Good job, eggheads. Just kidding, I fucking love ya’ll. Now these planets. Do they have life? Perhaps! Could they support our life? Not sure! None the less, meet these fucking “Hycean” planets!
Some folks have said the scale model of Blue Origin’s rocket now on sale isn’t a dildo. My emphatic, ideology-driven retort? Anything can be a dildo so long as you have faith in yourself and an open mind to the curiosities of the world.