Someone is working on secret “privately owned” Space Station. It ain’t fucking me, but I want in

secret space station

Ah, 2021. Sometimes your fucking headlines are depressingly preposterous. Sometimes preposterously depressing. Then sometimes like today, they’re just sort of fucking preposterous. We got some motherfucker(s) building a privately owned space station. I can’t knock their desire to get the fuck outta here, but I do want them to take me.

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NASA’s Mars Rover may on site of Ancient Pond, not huge lake as previously thought. Water is water is water, bro.

mars rover ancient pond not lake

Okay, I know that water is not water is not water. Like, there’s a strong difference between a fucking ancient pond and a huge lake. But, either way, I’m fucking stoked for what the NASA Mars Rover is studying. And besides, this is just one new theory about what the fuck happened in the Gale crater. We still don’t fucking know! The cosmos, man.

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Two red objects found in the Asteroid Belt help explain our early solar system!

two red objects asteroid belt early solar system

Astronomers have found two red objects in our Asteroid belt. Big fucking deal, right? Actually, big fucking deal! Them fuckers shouldn’t be there, and they may actually explain our early system. You two red objects! You helpful fuckers!

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Astronomers detect light coming from behind a black hole for first time. Bert Einstein right again!

astronomers detect light black hole

Even after his death, Berty Einstein’s presence is felt. Astronomers have detected light coming from behind a black hole for a first time, confirming another of dude’s predictions. Rock and roll, Albert! Rock and roll.

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Hubble finds evidence of water vapor on Jupiter’s moon, Ganymede. Hell yeah!

hubble water vapor jupiter ganymede

Hubble is doing us all a solid, finding some fucking water vapor on Jupiter’s moon. Cause lord knows, there ain’t enough here on Earth right now. You know, given all the fucking droughts. Given the fact that I can’t fucking breath outside here on the East Coast because the West Coast is on fire. Okay, fine. A tenuous connection to this dope news, but cut me some slack. My air is poison.

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Scientists launching fucking football stadium-sized helium balloon to measure Dark Matter. That’s what’s up!

scientists helium balloon dark matter

Where there’s a desire to study dark fucking matter, there’s a way! Need a better look at the Cosmos? Just launch a fucking helium balloon into space! Meet the goddamn SuperBIT!

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Jupiter officially has another motherfucking moon!

jupiter new moon

Jupiter just don’t fucking quit with this shit. Throwing around its thiccc fucking ass, officially gaining yet another new moon. Fucking chill, baby!

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NASA’s Curiosity Rover may be chilling right next to microbe burps on Mars.

When I burp, my wife vomits and the cats leave the room. When microbes on Mars burp, everyone jizzes in their pants. Like, I get it. But also show me some charity. My digestive track is just a collection of cheese and caffeine.

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Study suggests Methane Plumes on Saturn’s moon Enceladus could be sign of alien life!

scientists life saturn moon

Are the methane plumes on Saturn’s moon Enceladus indicative of alien life? Maybe! And that’s enough to get my tits stiffening. Am I overreacting? Sure, maybe. Who knows. But. Listen, I’m fucking in on all potential signs of alien life. Microbes, methane plumes, whatever the fuck.

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NASA finds more subsurface lakes on Mars. Probably frozen, but still rad as fuck

nasa scientists mars subsurface lakes

NASA scientists have identified more subsurface lakes on the Red Planet, folks. While they are likely frozen, I still find this to be a bad ass development.

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