A giant telescope on the Moon? Intended to see into the Deep Past? Oh fuck yeah. My dudes, this is the astronomical shit I’m all about.
NASA is just cracking open Mars, dudes. Straight fucking finding all sort of dope-ass shit out about it. The latest little morsel of scrotum-tightening awesomeness is evidence of ancient megafloods on Mars. Megafloods!
Space! What cool fucking reveals do you have for us today? Oh! Jupiter’s moon Europa? It glows in the dark? Whelp, that is indeed fucking cool.
On one hand, it’s pretty fucking cool that scientists have detected an unexplained glow. In the dark of deep space. On the other hand, you know, please don’t fuck with it.
NASA’s mission to return Mars samples to Earth is approved by review board. Hell yeah, bring me some Red Planet!
An independent review board has signed off on NASA’s mission to return Mars samples to Earth. Fucking full stop! What else do you need to know? This is fucking sick.
Dust storms on Mars are drying the planet out by throwing water from its atmosphere into space. Bro, chill! Chill!
Mars is straight fucking itself up, man. Dust storms on Red Planet are drying it out. Sending the water from the atmosphere right into motherfucking space! You’re playing yourself, my dude.
If the science-wizards are to be believed, a “stolen” chunk of Earth’s moon is orbiting Mars as an asteroid. What a fucking odd cosmos, man. But, I love it.
Voyager 2, baby! What the fuck is up? Great to hear from ya. Glad NASA could contact you for the first time since March using a Deep Space Network dish. Cause, fuck. You’ve missed some serious shit here on Earth.
Motherfucker, the asteroid Psyche is worth a pretty penny. Specifically? $10,000 quadrillion. Like, legitimately. Let me just bite into that pig, spit out whatever I get, and flip it for some cash. The PS5’s headset ain’t gonna pay for itself, and the asteroid can spare it.
Oh fuckity fuck! NASA’s OSIRIS-REx probe has successfully stored the rocks it grabbed last week from the asteroid Bennu. Now, the motherfuckers are coming back to Earth. Like, how goddamn fantastic is this?