Astronomers out there on the regular holding their fucking dicks in their hands. Their tits in their mitts. The latest instance? They’ve discovered mysterious radio waves that defy physics. Seemingly defy physics. Whatever. Fucking still!
Hey let’s slap this bitch onto our lists of Ominous Portents. Except, not really. Except, maybe? The Earth just mysteriously spun faster yesterday, which led to the shortest day ever recorded. Now it wasn’t like a stunning amount of time was shaved off, but still! Pretty fucking gnarly.
Here’s something I liked today, my dudes. China’s got itself a glorious picture of Phobos, one of Mars’ moons. Now they’ve thrown it into the DigiEther for us to fap over, and fap over it we must. Does anyone say fap anymore? How are we referencing jacking it these days? Rubbing it? I will accept answers in the comments.
We’ve known for a long time that Jupiter’s Great Red Spot was fucking superficially huge. But, we haven’t known how fucking deep it was. Until now! Thanks to Juno, we know that motherfucker is up to 310 miles deep. Goddamn!
It’s insane to think that prior to this news, all 4,000 exoplanets we have discovered have been in the Milky Way. With this fucking find? My word, does the Cosmos ever open up. Like, I sort of assumed other galaxies have planets, but this confirmation is wild.
Listen, if we’re going to land humans on the Moon in 2024, we gotta get this shit going. One of the first steps? Sending Artemis I up to the Moon in February 2022 for an unmanned mission.
Most powerful space telescope ever will look into the “dark ages” of the universe. Careful, brother!
We must be careful when we peer into dark ages of the universe with the most powerful space telescope ever. For when we do, that motherfucker will peer back. Seriously though, I’m fucking stoked for what the James Webb telescope is gonna discover.
Listen, why any motherfuckers focusing on the “only on one side” portion of this story? Silly! Dumb! Instead, let’s be stoked that fucking water vapor has been found on Europa.
Scientists baffled by strange radio waves coming from center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The aliens are inside the cosmic house!
Scientists ain’t got a clue about the fucking strange radio waves coming from the center of our galaxy. Ain’t got a fucking clue! Straight baffled! But, I mean, come on. It’s (probably not) aliens. Obviously.
Motherfucking Mars used to have a lake, dudes. Let’s get there, terraform that shit, and then start this whole shit show all over again. Maybe? Word? I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Unless I ain’t? Anyways, fucking hell, let’s just be stoked about this find.