#Welcome To the Future

Amazon says its facial recognition systems can now detect fear. What a fantastic development for the police state!

amazon facial recognition fear

Amazon’s facial recognition systems can now detect fear! Hey! Wee! I can’t possibly imagine this shit being used for ill. I mean, right? *Infinitely sarcastic wink*

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Japan is offering $1 billion research grant for human augmentation and cyborg technology. The middle finger to mortality, comrades!

japan human augmentation cyborg

Japan is offering some serious cheese for human augmentation and cyborg research. Pretty awesome, no? Also, pretty bold of them that there’s a future for the planet that’s worth existing on, no?

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Watch: Keanu Reeves deepfaked onto ‘Sesame Street’ is the hauntingly beautiful way to start the week

Keanu Reeves deepfaked onto Sesame Street. It’s equal parts horrifying and endearing.

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Dickhead vanilla-fart streaming star Ninja moving from Twitch to Mixer. Anything to get him out of the spotlight, IMO

ninja twitch mixer

Ninja is the Big Bang Theory of streamers. Stunningly middle ground, cringy, and unremarkable. That said, like the show, he’s fucking enormous because he plays to the tremendous amount of dumb asses in the world. So, when dude announces he’s moving from Twitch to Mixer? I can only hope it moves him out of the zeitgeist. Even just a little.

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Pentagon has a laser that can identify people by their heartbeat. Yeah, dude. What could possibly go wrong?!

laser identify people heartbeat

Oh golly gee, whatever could go fucking wrong with this? The Pentagon has a laser that can identify people by their fucking heartbeat.

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Amazon announces their Prime Air drone could start 30-minute deliveries within months. Welcome to the ‘Black Mirror’ apocalypse!

If civilization is ending, which it seems it is these days, at least it’s going out as an episode of Black Mirror. Corporations not just ruining the seas, but also filling the air.

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So, uh. Young blood transfusions do seem to fight aging. Medical vampirism is real, this world is strange.

young blood transfusions aging

So, remember those odd conspiracies about the Old Ass Illuminati of our cultures getting blood transfusions to live forever? Using the blood of young humans? Well, I don’t know if that shit was true, but get this shit. Young blood does seem to fight aging.

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Japanese professor was busted for teaching students how to make Molly. Finally, applicable skills from a classroom

japanese professor molly

A Japanese professor went straight-up Breaking Bad, teaching his students how to make Molly.

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Researchers have created first ever 3D-printed heart. The future is fucking wild, dudes.

Researchers have created a 3D-printed heart, my friends. Like, with blood vessels and shit. The future is absolutely wild. And while the heart they printed is about the size of a rabbit’s heart, it portends well for future development.

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Some humans can “sense” Earth’s magnetic field according to research. Yeah, his name is Magneto, bro!

humans magnetic field

Easy headline is easy! That said, pretty fucking cool research.

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