Jeff Bezos Dick Rocket Scale Model goes on sale. Totally isn’t a dildo. Totally ?

blue origin model rocket dildo

Some folks have said the scale model of Blue Origin’s rocket now on sale isn’t a dildo. My emphatic, ideology-driven retort? Anything can be a dildo so long as you have faith in yourself and an open mind to the curiosities of the world.

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HBO Max orders ‘Full Circle’ Limited Series From Steven Soderbergh. Yeah buddy, yeah kehd.

steven soderbergh full circle limited series

HBO Max and Steven Soderbergh are continuing their dalliance. Their little love affair, and I’m here for it. Soderbergh fucking rules. All gas, no breaks. Just fucking pumping out content, and I’m running behind him gobbling it up as he drops it. Do it Stevey, keep the dope shit coming.

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Someone is working on secret “privately owned” Space Station. It ain’t fucking me, but I want in

secret space station

Ah, 2021. Sometimes your fucking headlines are depressingly preposterous. Sometimes preposterously depressing. Then sometimes like today, they’re just sort of fucking preposterous. We got some motherfucker(s) building a privately owned space station. I can’t knock their desire to get the fuck outta here, but I do want them to take me.

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‘Halo Infinite’ dropping this December 8 and man am I concerned

halo infinite december 8

Halo Infinite has been in development Hell since before I had gray in my fucking old ass beard. Now it’s time for it to be painfully birthed into existence, with cut features, modes, and stunning silence about its campaign. Ready or not, this fucker is being shat forth on December 8.

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Elon Musk just announced a humanoid “Tesla Bot” and we know how this shit ends

elon musk tesla bot

Elon Musk has announced a fucking humanoid “Tesla Bot” and it’s a pretty curious move. This is the same dude who has been shitting his pants about artificial intelligence! But, you know. I suppose we shouldn’t look for consistency or wisdom from this dumb ass. That said? Neat! We got a first look at our robot overlords.

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‘Alan Wake 2’ has reportedly moved into “full production” and fuck yes!

alan wake 2 full production

Oh yes, motherfuckers! Alan Wake has reportedly moved into full production and fittingly my reproduction glands have moved to swollen status. I have been waiting for a sequel to the original for a goddamn decade. Ten fucking years! So this shit can’t come soon enough.

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NASA’s Mars Rover may on site of Ancient Pond, not huge lake as previously thought. Water is water is water, bro.

mars rover ancient pond not lake

Okay, I know that water is not water is not water. Like, there’s a strong difference between a fucking ancient pond and a huge lake. But, either way, I’m fucking stoked for what the NASA Mars Rover is studying. And besides, this is just one new theory about what the fuck happened in the Gale crater. We still don’t fucking know! The cosmos, man.

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‘John Wick: Chapter 4’ adds none other than the Kurgan, Clancy Brown, to its fucking cast!

john wick chapter 4 clancy brown

It’s like John Wick: Chapter 4 is working to milk all of our fucking nerd glands. Donnie Yen. Scott Adkins. Now? The fucking Kurgan, Clancy Brown! I’m so goddamn stoked for this movie. Keep grinding that gland, Johnny. Keep grinding it, it feels so good.

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‘A.P. Bio’ Season 4 Trailer: Everybody Shut Up Again on September 2!

Holy fuck, A.P. Bio is back soon! Like, real motherfucking soon! September 2 soon! Here’s a trailer for the fourth season to get you real, real dirty on your chalkboard. Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck I mean by that. Whatever.

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‘Stranger Things’ Season 4 Teaser Trailer: The Next Hit of Glowing Nostalgia Arrives in 2022

Ya’ll remember Stranger Things, right? The fucking show that was equal parts sort of wonderful nostalgia and glaring thievery? Okay, maybe only I remember it that way. But you do, right? You do remember, I assume? Well the motherfucker is returning, finally! After a thick-ass wait. The problem? Said thick-ass wait is going to continue into 2022 when the fourth season will finally drop.

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