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Monday Morning Commute: Booty Hunting Is A Complicated Profession

monday morning commute booty hunting is a complicated profession

It ’tis I, the booty hunter! You know me! The man who can stare at gifs of butts on Tumblr for hours, but is always late with Monday Morning Commute. Listen! Listen. Booty hunting is a complicated profession. But more than that, it is gloriously passive. Way easier to watch ’em giggle than to pen something. Even slop! Even slop such as this, I know.

But! The booty hunter has arrived, and I’ve got with me my weekly satchel of sacred distractions that are getting me through the week. And oh, fuck, do I hate the weeks lately. Dark as fuck. Cold as fuck. I want to bury myself in blankets and caloric excess and wait for Spring. But, I can’t yield just yet. I mean, we got a significant amount of fucking months to go, and I can’t throw in the towel.

So this here is Monday Morning Commute! And the forthcoming are what I’m enjoying or looking forward to this week! I hope you’ll share your own satchel of sacred distractions in the comments section!

I must admit, I’m going to be quick! Dinner is on the way, and The Mandalorian awaits me. If I can punch this out prior to Mr. Door Dash arriving, I’ll be ecstatic.

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Xbox One is getting a shuffle button to randomly choose a game from your backlog. One less decision to make in a life of meaningless decisions, wee!

xbox one shuffle button

The Xbox One is getting a “surprise me” button, which is a shuffle button by any other name. The function? As it sounds. Instead of staring blankly at your backlog trying to figure out what to play, the console will choose a title for you. Then invariably you’ll hit it again, searching for some sort of fulfillment in an increasingly concerning existence.

Have fun!

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Paul Thomas Anderson dropping new movie in 2020. Takes place in high school in the 1970s. Okay, okay, okay!

paul thomas anderson 2020 movie

I didn’t really fuck with PTA’s The Phantom Thread. Felt like wanky, woe-be-the-white-genius type of shit. That said? I’m stoked for his next movie in 2020, where he’s returning to the 1970s, baby!

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An Alien-Themed brothel has bought a sex robot. The future’s here, and of course, it’s about sex.

ufo themed brothel alien sex robots

An alien-themed brothel has bought a sex robot, friends. Not only that, but it’s pairing it with teledildonics (that’s a real word), so that one may have a remote-experience with the sex robot. Hey, man. The Earth is on fire and Democracy is dead, but we can fart on robots now in order to get off. From across the globe. Progress?

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‘Westworld’ Season 3 Trailer: What could possibly go wrong from relying on tech companies?

A new trailer for Westworld Season 3 asks you to buy into a tech company’s promises. Sounds about right, imagine our relationship with Big Tech wouldn’t get any better in the future. Whether you want to or not. I hate that I’m intrigued by this shit, despite giving up on the show in the second season.

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There is growing evidence that the Universe is connected by giant unseen structures. Bruh, don’t get me excited.

universe connected giant structures

Man, maybe! Just maybe. The Universe is connected by a cosmic web. or some shit Why are we even talking about this? It’s due to the fact that scientists have noticed that “some galaxies move together in odd and often unexplained patterns, as if they are connected” by some sort of fucking unseen force. How fucking sick is this?

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Weekend Open Bar: At Least The Stars Are Out

weekend open bar at least the stars are out

Kiss the tip of your favorite Elder God, it’s the fucking weekend! Nuzzle their nozzle, gnosh their gnash. It’s time to pay supplication to them! Or, support a local union. Whatever one you prefer. Whatever, whatever! All I fucking know is that it’s the start of the weekend for me. Not only a weekend though, friends. A long weekend.

A–l-o-n-g–w-e-e-k-e-n-d.

Not a moment too soon. Honestly, maybe a moment too late. But it’s here!

And per the rules of Weekend Open Bar, I hope you’ll spend some time around the hearth with me. Shooting the shit for the next couple of days. Delving into what you’re diving into this weekend. Are you going to catch a movie? Scream in blind rage at the TV as a fantasy football player of yours drops a touchdown? Mayhaps, you’re just sitting around in a diaper and pouring melted Laffy Taffy onto your sweat-slicked body.

I don’t know! But, I want to! Come hang out.

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India’s space agency wants to fucking explore Venus. I say, give me a hell yes!

india space agency venus

India’s space agency got its sights set on one hot fucking goal. Exploring Venus! Get it? Cause place is like, Hellish. Anyways, this fucking rules.

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Dudes get arrested after drilling through wall to steal 85 Bitcoin machines. The future is so fucking wild.

arrested steal bitcoin machines malaysia

Welcome to a headline from the Future, folks! Which is apparently happening. No less than five dudes were arrested for drilling through a wall to steal 85 Bitcoin machines. Fucking wild.

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PlayStation Worldwide president Shuhei Yoshida is stepping down. Man, Sony losing fucking everybody?

playstation worldwide shuhei yoshida

Shuhei Yoshida is stepping down from PlayStation Worldwide. And, the dude’s departure is just one of many over the last couple years. The exodus concerns me, especially since it’s coming right before the launch of the PS5. How about you?

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