#Caffeine Powered

Fastest star ever observed is moving so fast it is visibly warping spacetime. Holy Hell! Or rather, Holy Cosmos!

fastest star ever warping spacetime

Mammia fucking mia! The fastest star ever observed is moving so fast that it’s fucking visibly warping spacetime. Like, let that rattle around in your fucking simian-ass brains. Almost incomprehensible.

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Weekend Open Bar: Dusk, Of A Summer Evening

weekend open dusk of a summer evening

We’re getting deep into summer now, friends. With such a progression brings deeper, more rewarding dusk. However, it also brings with it shorter days, longer shadows, and hints at a Fall which promises to be seemingly chaotic at best. But as I said Monday, in the end we’re promised nothing. Nothing! Fucking nothing at all. Which means I might as well enjoy the beautiful dusks and the welcoming evenings while I can, no? Who knows what next week will bring for me. Really, for all of us. Why sweat it? And if we’re not sweating next week, let us definitely not begin to contemplate whatever the fuck is about to happen this winter.

Instead, let’s fucking hang out this weekend! Balls out in the air. Toes in the existential pool. Let’s fucking hang out, here at the Open Bar!

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So These Are Comic Books (8.12.2020) – Grafity Has A Hold Of Us All

so these are comic books - august 12

Back on that comic grind, back on that comic grind! Mamma mia, can I really keep up this column, So These Are Comic Books? It seems that way! But Ian, let’s not start sucking our dick already. I mean, right? Four weeks ain’t a solid commitment, and my dick ain’t anywhere near my lips. Fucking mediocre dong. Fucking inflexible ass. Still though, it’s a nice avenue for blabbering, blathering, and overall venting of my textual diarrhea. Gotta empty the ass, or the ass chakra gets too full. Begins backing-up. Flooding into the body. Causing delirium. Need them chakras clear. Need them chakras clean. If not, can I truly ascend the Astral Ladder on a Friday evening?

— and by that, I mean, get adequately high and watch horror movies? No way! No Jose!

None the less, enough about my ass. This is a comic books column, and let’s just stay the course. Whatever the fuck that course is, was, or will be. You know? Oh, you know!

Maybe, maybe I’m just stalling. ‘Cause I’m in a bit of a pickle here, this week. I’m at the stage in the comic book game where I’m struggling to piece together a pull-list. Meanwhile, I’m finding myself with an odd collection of installments in the comics worth checking out. You know how it goes. You hear about a comic book four-issues in. You saddle up to the comic book store’s wall of choice. Then you find that they have like, issues #1 and #3 of one comic series you’re interested in. As well, they got like issues #2 and #4 of another. And what the fuck are you left with? A patchwork of comics that seem interesting, but you can’t dive into yet.

Of all the things I missed about comics, I certainly didn’t miss the unpredictability of what is stocked, or the frustration at not being able to find a title you want. It really fucking ground my gears last week, when the comic shop didn’t have Strange Adventures #4. Ain’t no fault of the owner, dude is solid as fuck. Rather, it’s DC going alone on their own distribution, shorting the shop, and I didn’t get my sub request in on time.

Fuck me! Fuck me sideways and cram it in my ass.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’m really in-between recommendations this week. At least, as far as shit that dropped on the Scared Wednesday. But, I got a couple of things that caught my eye, and one glorious gift from Johnny Hotsauce himself.

Per usual, help me thicken, help my pull-list throb in the comments section.

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R.L Stine’s ‘Fear Street’ series getting Netflix trilogy next fall. My adolescence just popped a stiffy!

rl stine fear street series netflix

R.L. Stine’s known for Goosebumps. Understandably. But, dude also had his Fear Street series. It catered to a bit older crowd, and definitely was a bit more gory. I fucked with it, and now I’m going to get to enjoy a Netflix trilogy based off of it.

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Jeff Lemire’s ‘Sweet Tooth’ is returning in November with a miniseries. Cryptid Hell Yes!

jeff lemire sweet tooth returning november

Man, Sweet Tooth! One of the few comics’ creative teams from days of yore I’m relying on to find my way back into comics. And, get this! It’s returning in November with a miniseries!

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Xbox Series X could be dropping this November 6. Finally some leakage, some details, ffs!

xbox series x november 6 release date

Finally, we may have a release date for a next-gen console. Yesterday, Microsoft announced the console would be arriving this November. Now according to a leaker, the Xbox Series X is dropping this November 6. Fucking A! I’ll take this information.

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Dwarf Planet Ceres has a secret saltwater ocean underground. Yo, how fucking rad is this?!?

dwarf planet ceres saltwater ocean

Cosmos! Tell me your secrets! I demand it. Oh, you got one? About Dwarf Planet Ceres? Well, do fucking tell! Oh, oh fuck! It has a secret saltwater ocean underground? Holy shit, this is rad.

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‘Halo Infinite’ delayed until 2021, which makes sense because it looks like ass porridge

Bad news for Xbox stans! Halo Infinite ain’t an XBOX Series X launch title anymore. In fact, the motherfucker has been delayed until 2021. Which honestly is probably a good thing in the long run. The title looked old, slow, and outdated in its gameplay reveal recently, and definitely could use more time.

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Watch: Mars got a weird nightglow in its atmosphere that pulses three times a night. The Red Planet is wonderfully weird

You know, I wasn’t even aware of Mars’ nightglow in its atmosphere. But, I am now! Additionally, I also now know that motherfucker pulses three times a night. Awesome.

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Monday Morning Commute: Nothing Promised.

monday morning commute nothing promised

Hey, friends! Apologies for the tardiness! Mea culpa, mea dumb ass. I think I butchered the Latin there, but who knows. It’s a fucking dead language. Who is going to stop me? Motherfuckers buried under the rubble of Mount Vesuvius? Some nerd Latin scholar at University? Step-up bitches, and face a Superkick Party. Anyways, I’m genuinely sorry I’m dropping this MMC on a Tuesday.

In case you’re wondering why? Man, I’m fucking fighting it this week! Fighting what? Just a general sense of existential malaise. A sexier way of describing my various chemical imbalances compounded by the flat-out Dumpster Fire that is life in the United States  Just the act of sitting down and compiling words in a WordPress document seems pretty overwhelming. But, I’m here motherfuckers! Sometimes the act of just pushing through is helpful. You know? Maybe you know.

Anyways. Any-fucking-hoo, here we have Monday Morning Commute! Truth be told I’m digging a lot of shit these days, and these arts & farts are genuinely helping me through the week. So, I’ll drop them below, and I hope you’ll share your own collection of happenings and happiness-inducing activities in the comments.

This is Monday Morning Commute.

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