#Caffeine Powered

‘Dead Space’ Remake Official Trailer: Cut Off Their Limbs (Again)

Motherfucking Electronic Arts. Got my fucking head spinning. I’m supposed to hate those fucking developer-destroying dick heads. I mean, the only reason Motive is bringing to life this glorious Dead Space remake is ’cause EA fucking mirked Visceral. At the fucking same time? Goddamn am I ever stoked for this remake. At least Electronic Arts is letting someone revive the fucking stone-cold classic. Let’s go, baby! Isaac Clarke, baby!

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Jordan Peele reveals title and poster for his next movie ‘Nope’ dropping July 2022

jordan peele nope july 2022

Jordan Peele absolutely blasted our geek prostate today, friends! Unexpectedly, too. Just got right up in there. I’m surprised, I’m tingling, I’m happy. Dude’s next movie is titled Nope and it’s arriving on July 22, 2022.

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‘Black Panther: Wakanda Forever’ adds ‘I May Destroy You’ star Michaela Coel. Sounds fucking good!

black panther wakanda forever michaela coel

I don’t know anything about Michaela Coel other than she stars in I May Destroy You, and that the show is very much worth fucking watching. Listen, I can’t fucking get to everything! Shit, I can’t even get to the majority of shit. But whatever the fuck, I can only assume this is great casting news for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

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Scientists launching fucking football stadium-sized helium balloon to measure Dark Matter. That’s what’s up!

scientists helium balloon dark matter

Where there’s a desire to study dark fucking matter, there’s a way! Need a better look at the Cosmos? Just launch a fucking helium balloon into space! Meet the goddamn SuperBIT!

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‘The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf’ Trailer: Dope Ass Animation and Monsters!

I don’t know shit about fuck when it comes to The Witcher. The games, the show, whatever. But I do know some shit about some fuck when it comes to anime, and this anime prequel seems fucking awesome. Sign me up, dickheads! The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf drops August 28. Damn fucking soon.

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‘PUBG’ getting animated “project” from ‘Castlevania’ producer Adi Shankar and this is how you get me to give a shit

pubg animated project adi shankar

I couldn’t give two tugs of an Eldritch One’s dick about fucking PUBG, man. But if you’re gonna make an animated project based on the franchise with Adi Shankar, I’m going to perk up and torque up. Fucking sure, gimme dat. Gimme dat! Motherfucker is an absolute maestro at directing animated action, so you know this shit is gonna bring it.

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Jupiter officially has another motherfucking moon!

jupiter new moon

Jupiter just don’t fucking quit with this shit. Throwing around its thiccc fucking ass, officially gaining yet another new moon. Fucking chill, baby!

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NASA’s Curiosity Rover may be chilling right next to microbe burps on Mars.

When I burp, my wife vomits and the cats leave the room. When microbes on Mars burp, everyone jizzes in their pants. Like, I get it. But also show me some charity. My digestive track is just a collection of cheese and caffeine.

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Monday Morning Commute: It’s Okay To Be Excited

mmc its okay

It’s okay to be excited, my friends! I know we live in a callous world, with Billionaires Bouncing Around The Atmosphere while people starve, as the world burns. I know we live in a callous world, with Talking Heads Politicizing A Lifesaving Vaccine. But the majority of us sentient sacks of star dust are just trying to get by. Make a little love, eat a little food, share in some authentic and fulfilling moments.

It’s easy to get bogged down in the muck, the miasma, and the misery. Lord knows, we all eat enough nut shots on a micro and macro level on a day-to-day and week-to-week basis But fuck! Push back! Fight back! Salvage the simplistic moments and appreciate the good.

It’s easier said than done, sure. I’m guilty as fuck of succumbing to the Daunting Nature of It All. One of my superpowers is really just fretting about the past, the present, and the ever arriving future. At the same time though, I try to appreciate the small glimpses into peace and tranquility.

Some weeks it’s fucking hard!

Not this week though, nope! Motherfuckers this week I’m finally done with remote learning. Finally, finally, finally. After seventeen months and four-and-a-half semesters. What a miserable, enlightening, challenging, occasionally rewarding, and emotionally eviscerating experience. I’m not sure I got much from it, I’m not sure I could do it again, but after this week I won’t be asked to for the time being.

Let’s hang the fuck out, friends. Hang the fuck out, and dare I say, be excited about shit! This is Monday Morning Commute!

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Valve’s Steam Deck handheld PC is dropping in December. Everyone wants in on that Switch hotness!

valve steam deck december

Valve wants in on that fucking Switch hotness. Just dripping in their loins to get in on movingthem units. You can’t blame the pig fuckers either, given Nintendo’s continued success. So this December they’re dropping the Steam Deck, which answers the question “What if there was a Steam Switch?” rather well. I ain’t fucking buying it, but goddamn can I see the appeal.

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