#September2018

Rumor: ‘Arkham Knight’ team working on ‘Justice League’ game, which means we were all wrong

rocksteady justice league game

Rocksteady ain’t working on a Superman game, apparently. That’s what conventional wisdom had held for a while. Nah! But, Superman will be involved in the game they’re working on. Purportedly. Yeah kid, a fucking Justice League game!

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‘Justice League’ is officially the lowest-grossing DCEU movie, which is definitely not how it was planned

'Justice League' is officially the lowest-grossing DCEU movie, which is definitely not how it was planned

Justice League sucked, and was definitely not the event the brains at Warner Bros. had envisioned. Just how much it sucked has been revealed, with the movie officially becoming the lowest-grossing DCEU flick.

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Monday Morning Commute: It’s Just A Fountain Soda, Who Cares?

monday morning commute you saw nothing

Reentry into reality sucks, today. My bowels are still building seriously slippery turds. My sleep schedule is fucked. My brain is staggering around, attempting to figure out how to imbue in students a sense of urgency and discipline that I myself don’t have. But, what can I do? Knuckle up, hunker down, and bang out the rest of the semester.

What can, oh whatever can get me through this week? The rest of the semester? Why, a multitude of things! Why, a multitude of things, condensed into two.

First, the various distractions, distinctions, and arts and farts I’m about to list below!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Second, your happenings this week, in the comments section!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Without further ado, adieu, to the preamble.

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Weekend Open Bar: Live Fat! Die Full! It’s The Only Way!

weekend open bar live fat die full

Hello, friends! It’s Weekend Open Bar! Pull a chair up to the hearth. Summon your favorite chemicals from the servo-droid behind the counter. Pop off your pants, oh, I know, they’re a bit tight from this week’s corpulence. And relax! Just straight-up fucking relax with me. Your co-host, your champion, your spirit-guide. Let us move together through a miasma of revelry, consumption, contemplation, and companionship.

What are you up to this weekend, comrades? Shoving any old ladies out of the way for a discounted blender at TarMart? Catching up on any stories on the TeleVisor? Trying to rationalize the utter depravity that is your diet these past few days?

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Monday Morning Commute: A Holiday Special On Ennui!

monday morning commute a holiday special on ennui

How’s it going, folks? Are you segueing into Corpulence Season well? You must prepare to fulfill your duty as a member of the Empire!

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

Hail, Hail, Hail!

Toe the line! Nay, stand in line! You must be checking out mentally while checking out virtually, physically! The form doesn’t matter, only the consumption! The filling and emptying of stomachs, shopping carts, bank accounts, guts, shelves, savings.

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

That’s a negative spin on the whole ordeal, isn’t it?

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Ben Affleck doesn’t know if he’ll play Batman again after ‘Justice League’, this dude hates the role

ben affleck justice league batman done

Ben Affleck has just up and fucking said it, folks. Dude doesn’t know if he’s going to play Batman again after Justice League. Amid months of rumors that the dude is departing, I can only interpret this as he is probably fucking done, but isn’t going to reveal such while doing promo for Justice League.

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‘Justice League’ Trailer: I Had A Dream. It Was The End Of The World.

Latest Justice League trailer has dropped, and it’s surprisingly packed with some pathos. I resent how hard the Superman theme from Man of Steel still hits me right in the goddamn feels. Man, that movie had so much promise. Man, I want this movie to be good.

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Early ‘Justice League’ cut was “unwatchable”, Whedon said to have changed original ending. Dumpster Fire, incoming!

justice league unwatchable whedon changed ending

Ah, no no, say the Warner Bros executives. All those rumors about a troubled reshoot for Justice League are just that, rumors! Fake news! No one follow the scent of sizzling turd to the diarrhea-covered Dumpster Fire known that is the Justice League movie.

Man, Whedon. You got your work cut out for you.

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‘Justice League’ reshoots were to lighten the mood, actor confirms, surprises no one

justice league reshoots lighten tone

Oh, hey. Go figure. The Justice League reshoots *were* to unfuck the Gloom and Dirge Circle Jerk that the first cut assuredly was. Such a confirmation was let-slip by the dude who plays Cyborgs dad, who clearly gives no fucks.

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‘Justice League’ reshoots costing $25 million, and Superman is filming his scenes with a mustache he isn’t allowed to shave

justice league reshoots 25 million

A new Justice League trailer dropped this weekend at SDCC, and it was a mixed bag. The first minute or so intelligently focused on pop culture phenom Wonder Woman, featuring a tone quite similar to her movie’s. However, after that, the trailer segued into what you’d expect from a Zack Snyder affair. You know, muted-ass palette, dumpster fires burning everywhere, stilted dialogue, overwrought CGI crap. The former segment is either the result of these reshoots or *what* they’re aiming for in them. So, it makes the extensiveness of these reshoots super intriguing. What will they be able to achieve with them? How much credit should Whedon get? And obviously, can he save this fucking movie?

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