#Featured Articles

Weekend Open Bar: The G(l)ory of the Slumber Party!

Lordy, lordy! Look what motherfucking time it is, my friend! ‘Tis nothing less than the most glorious time of the fucking week. Namely, the fucking weekend! I just got done grading eighteen essays, which means I can shut my brain the fuck down until Sunday! It’s been an absolute nut-crusher of a week, and I cannot wait to vaporize my brain, engorge my stomach, and titillate my ocular-globes.

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Monday Morning Commute: Coming Alive

What’s up, friends? I must admit I created the column’s title and image above yesterday, when I was feeling decidedly much better. Today? On Tuesday? I don’t know man, I’m fucking tired. Slept like shit. Sam’s been waiting for a call regarding her potential job, so the entire house is feeling them stressed vibes. Teaching? A fucking grind!

But it ain’t all shitty, you know? The Super Covid Serum continues to work in my meat-bag, and I’m looking forward to passing the the two-week mark next week. Then I will be invincible! Capable of downloading 5G directly into my brain, scaling the tallest buildings, and communing with my God-Emperor, Bill Gates!

Anyways, I’m sorry I’m complaining! Let’s hang the fuck out, fellas! Fellas of any gender! Species! This is Monday Morning Commute! Per the column’s ontological imperative, I’m about to give a rundown of what I’m digging this week! Then you’re gonna join me in the comments section.

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Views From The Space-Ship: There Will Be Blood (For Vampires)

Somehow we’re doing this column three weeks in a fucking row, friends! Like, this has got to be a goddamn victory. At least in recent memory. That’s right, I’m here to blast your ass with the strong shaft of Views From The Space-Ship for a third week in a row! Don’t worry, don’t bray, don’t neigh, though. I’m a heat-seeking missile for your geek prostate, and all you’ll end up saying is “thank you” as you quiver on out of here.

Oh, where the fuck was I? What am I prattling on about? Madness! Ichor! Mad ichor, and estranged senses of sanity. Anyhoo, let’s get into this week’s edition of Views From The Space-Ship. Join me in the comments section, you fucking punks!

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Monday Morning Commute: Godzilla Ain’t Got Shit On Kong

Listen, I can’t speak to the classic installments featuring both characters. I can’t! I simply can’t. However, I know that in the modern iterations, Godzilla ain’t got shit on Kong. Look at that gif! He don’t want that smoke. Guarantee dude runs away, like he spent the entirety of his last movie doing. And then? Dude will probably roll up, blast Kong with a cheap-ass nuclear reactor blast, and everyone will jizz. But pound for pound? Grit for grit? Kong’s a goddamn mauler and we must respect him as such. All of this is probably just an overly long way to introduce this column with the notion that, yes, I’m officially excited for this movie.

But that ain’t all, folks! Fucks! Nope. I’m stoked for a bunch of other shit this week, and I’ll let you know all about them below. That is, after all, the function of the weekly Monday Morning Commute. Then you’ll hit up the comments section with your own musing. It’s the tacit agreement we have, friends.

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Weekend Open Bar: Gods of the Omega Arena

Enter the Omega Arena, Fellow Gods of Slime and Disaster! It’s the Weekend! It’s the Open Bar! Which means it’s time to drink deep the Draughts of the Gods! Which means its time to smoke the Bone-Vapors of the Fallen Eldritch ones! Most importantly, which means it’s time to hang out for a couple of days together!

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Views From The Space-Ship: King of the Man-Children

If you guys knew how fucking long it took me to make the gif above, you’d fucking roll your eyes. Like, way, way too long. Like, maybe twenty or thirty attempts. All so like six people can see the gif, one person can like it, and no one to hang out in the comments. But motherfuckers, sometimes you just gotta scratch that itch. Not in public, unless you got no qualms about digging ass in a crowd. And honestly? If you got no qualms, good for you.

I am no saint.

You see, I’m sure I’m known around the local gym as “the guy who absolutely rips ass on the elliptical machine” so I’m not one to judge. What, you want me to burn some k-cals with the bubble guts? Fuck that, dude. Especially since I can’t be stopping every time I rip ass to retire to the bathroom. On a Saturday? After a Friday night of debauchery? I’d never get anything done!

Live Fast. Rip Ass.

Live Fast. Eat Ass.

Two powerful, undeniable axioms.

Anyways, you’re not here to listen to me wax horny about analingus. I think? Regardless of the answer, the whole premise of this bitch is to share with you views from my world. Then I hope you’ll return serve in the comments section! I don’t know if you will, but I certainly hope so.

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Monday Morning Commute: (Can’t Wait To) Take This Damn Mask Off!

Can’t wait to take my fucking mask off, friends! Like, I get that it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe the end of 2021? But it feels more and more real with each passing day. You know? Here in the greatest state in the union they’re opening up vaccine eligibility to all starting April 19, and I’m fucking torqued. Gonna work them sign-up sites like I’m hunting for a goddamn PlayStation 5. I’m also hoping that I’ll have more success getting a vaccine appointment than everyone is having getting that fucking console. ‘Cause mamma mia, are PS5s hard to come by these days.

With the impending access to a vaccine, the sunny days, and the progression of the semester, I’m feeling good. Who knows if the vibe will last, but I’m just riding it right now. Why not, right?

So let’s hang out here together, my dudes! My friends! My comrades! Right here in the newest edition of Monday Morning Commute. What are you doing this week? What are you digging this week? I want to know! But first, I’ll show!

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Weekend Open Bar: Are You Ready?

wob - are you ready

Are you ready? Whole squad’s ready! Forgive me from quoting the tune from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s Super Bowl trailer! I’m just so fucking pumped for this shit! As I’ve probably puked-up many times around these parts, Bucky is my favorite motherfucker in the MCU! Just an absolute unit of brooding, healthy male bonding, and gorgeous hair. How can you not love this motherfucker! It’s impossible, and now this son of a bitch is getting a co-starring role in the latest dollop of dashing MCU madness.

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Views From The Space-Ship: Oh Hell Yeah!

Yo! Remember Views From The Space-Ship aka Desktop Thursdays aka Views From The Space-Ship? And back? And forth? Well, I figured it may be fun to rekindle the column! Back in the day, it was your weekly look into my world(s), be it digital and physical! As well, it was my (and others) opportunity to check-in on views from your lives!

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Monday Morning Commute: Stop Making Sense

Stop making sense, motherfuckers! It’s overrated. t breaks down when you consider the big stuff, anyways. So kick sense to the curb, and go beyond the impossible! Or, at least post-up here with me for a bit. My name is Caffeine Powered and I’m the Captain of this Fucking Glorious Calamity. The Space-Ship Omega!

Most important to note is that your Captain is on Spring Break! A glorious temporary reprieve from the grind of Existential Worry, Remote Learning, and a Sleep Schedule. It explains why I’m so excessively caffeinated as of right now, and also why my guts are full of waffle fries and a cheeseburger on a weekday night.

Perhaps being on Spring Break can also explain why I’m a bit chipper tonight! But that can probably also be explained by the aforementioned caffeine, my persistent undulating waves of manic depression, or the Talking Heads currently performing on my Tele-Visor. Fuck, maybe it can be explained only by considering all of those factors.

Anyways, this is Monday Morning Commute! Those who know, probably already know. Those who don’t know, probably aren’t here. Let’s fucking shoot the shit regarding what we’re up to this week!

I’ll go first. See you in the comments section, my loves!

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