#January2019

Omega Plays: Dead Cells – Part 2 – Heaven Is In Your Butt, Dude

Talking about Bateman’s swollen balls. Like, that’s all I can remember. Talking about his refraining from porn and masturbation, and how swollen his balls must be. Pray for him.

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Monday Morning Commute: Check Out That Fucking Sunset!

monday morning commute check out that sunset

Oh, we in the fucking Teeth of it now, friends.

At least here in the Northeast, and other sundry places currently eating Winter’s Shit. The teeth, you ask?  The teeth, I shall explain. We have entered that interminable period after the holidays where it’s all snow, slush, and gloom. There are no holidays to look forward to. And while the days are getting longer once again, it’s hard to appreciate when it’s -13 with the fucking windchill.

Oh, we in the fucking Teeth of it now, friends.

But, at least we have our frivolities, right? And, isn’t that what Monday Morning Commute is all about? Sharing the frivolities we’re looking forward to on a given week, to get us through the grind?

It is, indeed!

I’ll go first.

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Monday Morning Commute: The Overlords Don’t Care

monday morning commute overlords

Hey, fuckers! I’m here! I’m here. I promise, I’m here. Quickly penning a Monday Morning Commute before I have to lay down the facts in front of students in my 2pm class. These facts? That if they don’t pass in their papers, they’ll fail. Self-evident facts, but hey. The mind boggles at how many self-evident facts fail to resonate in the skull-pipes of the average folk.

Anyways, anyways. I’m a bit off topic. This here is Monday Morning Commute. The column that I post every week. Herein, you’ll find the various games, movies, sporting events, and other miscellany that I’m either enjoying or anticipating in order to get me through a given week. In particular, I’m about to list off all the things I’m enjoying, in an effort to forget that fucking fifty-percent of my students didn’t do their fourth paper.

Alas. Alack.

Please join me in the comments section!

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Weekend Open Bar: You Will Be Happy

weekend open bar you will be happy

It’s been a moment since I crept out from under the shadows and issued forth a Weekend Open Bar, huh? For that, I apologize. How the fuck are you doing, friends? Apologies for the tardiness, and all that happy horse shit. You know how it goes, or maybe you don’t know how it goes.

But, when the MalaiseVapors got your synapses in their claws, it’s hard to fight back.

But, I’m here now. The MalaiseVapors beat back, another row in the books. They’re gone, but not forgotten. They’re gone, but they’ll return. They always return, to dance the Dance Macabre.

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Weekend Open Bar: Informal Gluttony

weekend open bar informal gluttony

It’s the fucking weekend, baby!

Not a minute too soon, not a moment too early. Caught myself some Blade Runner 2049 last night (it’s fucking amazing), and it was worth it! But goddamn, did I ever mentally and physically pay the Iron Price for it. No sleep, very little sleep, what sleep was had was shoddily attained that.

But!

It’s the fucking weekend, baby!

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Weekend Open Bar: Draxx Them Sklounst!

drax them

I come to you, friends, from the Precipice of Doom. That’s right, I’m awaiting Bateman to pick me up in his charlatan chariot, and whisk me away to Montreal with the majority of OL for a Bachelor Weekend for a mutual friend. I come to, you, one Bateman-on-his-phone away-driving-100mph from the obliteration of Space-Ship Omega. I’m being dramatic, but I do anticipate witnessing some *shit* this weekend, the eye of a mellifluous maelstrom.

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Monday Morning Commute: Doldrums City

monday morning commute doldrums city

Welcome to Doldrums City, comrades. Population: Me (at the very least). I’m sick. I’m tired. The Earth is melting, our government is run by lily livered cretins and monsters. Football is over. The sky is ash. I’m stick. I’m tired. All I want to do is sleep, masturbate wildly while screaming at the ceiling fan, and eat. Eat, and eat, and eat, and eat. Rinse. Repeat.

The columns must flow, though. The Commute must be Monday Morning’d. So here we are. So here we are.

This is MondayMorningCommute by way of TuesdayAfternoon.

Being MMC BYO TA, the task at hand is simple. I share what I’m looking forward to this week. What I’m hoping will rocket me out of Doldrums City, comrades. Then you share your own anticipatory happenings in the comments section.

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‘No Man’s Sky’ Developers Break Silence, Announce “Foundation Update”

no man's sky foundation update

Apparently the minds behind No Man’s Sky felt like showing some Thanksgiving gratitude towards the thousands upon thousands of gamers who bought their title. ‘Cause the quiet-as-death studio broke its longstanding silence today to announce a “Foundation Update” that will lay the…uh…foundation for base building.

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Tuesday Evening Commute: Born Of The Bomb

born of the bomb

It’s Tuesday, Tuesday Evening. I’m writing what was supposed to be Monday, Monday Morning Commute. The clock ticks towards quarter of 6pm, Eastern Seaboard of the Empire Standard. I have approximately 23 minutes to file this, to fart it, to fecal-blast this shinformation onto your digital face. Before! Before my next obligation. I’ve been wearing the same dress pants for ten hours, I’m tired, my caffeine levels are precariously low, and I have so much goddamn wood to chop before I sleep.

But I’m happy, happy to generate this minuscule bubble of textual diarrhea. This minuscule raft in the shitty seas of oblivion that seem to constitute this year, this 2016 A.D. Come friends, come quickly. Ignore my purple-headed boner, I merely have to pee. Come friends, come quickly. Ignore the wild look in eyes, I’m merely between my past caffeine fix and my next.

Come friends, come quickly. Join me on this raft, cling to it with me. Nay, cling to it for me.

This is Tuesday Evening Commute. This is what I’m looking forward to this week. Please, I implore, I beseech, I cajole. Please, join me in the comments section. Let me know what you’re indulging in this week.

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Comic Book Sales are the Highest they’ve been in 20 Years

saga

I’m not an economist, I’m too lazy to really dig in-depth into what this news means, so I’m just going to make like a good Millennial. Read the headline, browse the content, and fit the story to my own agenda. Comic books are doing well, fuck yeah!

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