#June2014
‘EPISODE VII’ News: Lupita Nyong’o and Gwendoline Christie join cast
An Oscar winner and fucking Brienne of Tarth have joined Episode VII. I understand I stroke it to Wampa porn and worship at the altar of the Force, so I may be biased. But I’m losing my fucking mind over this cast.
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Obvious ‘EPISODE VII’ casting news: The Furball Is Back
Like, did we not expect Chewbacca back in the Star Wars: Greatest Hits Edition fold? I mean, c’mon. However I do suppose that the news which pretty much confirms Peter Mayhew’s return is radical in another manner. That manner? That they’re using the original actor. Pretty swell. Remember the seventy shades of bullshit that struck when Lucas didn’t use Prowse for Episode III?
‘EPISODE VII’ NEWS: FIVE ACTORS up for BIG JEDI APPRENTICE ROLE
Apparently there’s an enormous as fuck Jedi apprentice role in the new Warring Stars flick. And said role is now down to five actors. As a sweaty loser with a Wampa butt plug, I’m going to sweat Episode VII pretty much regardless. Of anything. But there’s one dude on this list that would absolutely fucking break my dick. We’re talking rocketing out of the crotch of my Wicket cosplay and impaling my cat type level of excitement.
‘EPISODE VII’ NEWS: ‘GIRLS’ actor ADAM DRIVER is all THE VADER-LIKE VILLAIN and such
Fucking stupid Star Wars. I’m all walking out of fucking work, dong thickened with glee because the day is over, when I read this news on my iPhone. So here I am — sitting in a shitty cafe table on campus — sharing this news. But I can’t help it! It’s The Force, man.
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: Movie is dropping in DECEMBER of 2015. Ho-ho-holy shit?
Aw man! Underhand pitched that stupid headline! Swung so hard I cracked vertebrae! Whatever. I don’t care. The latest Star Wars: Episode VII: Abrams’ Controls My Heart rumor is that the flick isn’t dropping in May of 2015. This doesn’t surprise me very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Every movie in the franchise has arrived in May. But they ain’t cast anyone for this fucking flick, let alone started filming it. So December? Makes sense to me.
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: EWAN MCGREGOR returning AS OBI-WAN KENOBI
The whole gang is back! The whole fucking gang! It appears that Ewan McGregor (I’m going to choose to believe this report) will be returning as a Force Ghost in Episode VII. Me? I’m fine with this. Rendar? Definitely sporting a bulge in his skinny fit jeans. He’s been talking about wanting for for a while.
‘EPISODE VII’: Here’s how the F**KING EMPEROR COULD RETURN
This is still a rumor. But frankly, Hollywood is so unimaginative and committed to exploiting past successes that I don’t doubt it in the least. I mean, why till new ground?
Rumor: IAN MCDIARMID returning for ‘EPISODE VII.’ EMPEROR PALPUTRID.
One of my gravest fears regarding Episode VII is that it will traffic in nostalgic and throwbacks. It won’t carve out its own niche in a flourishing Universe, but rather go full Abrams and regurgitate tired tropes and been-done characters. This latest rumor only heightens that fear.
Drew Struzan has been asked to design posters for new ‘STAR WARS’ movies. Dude, say yes.
If you don’t know Drew Struzan, get out! Take your candy, and get out. You already took it out of the jar. And frankly, your ignorant sweat glands have already poisoned the hard, delicious, swollen treats. If you do know Drew Struzan, here is some news to get excited about. Potentially.
J.J. Abrams turned down ‘EPISODE VII’, Trekkies cackle.
The wonderful thing about being bipolar is that I can take on seemingly different stances, mere days apart! A hop and skip after bemoaning Abrams’ tendency for being self-satisfied in relation to the plot for Star Trek Down The Mountain, I can now tell you that I’m pretty bummed that Abrams’ turned down the chance to direct Episode VII. Why, you ask? ‘Cause I do love the dude’s visual splendor, and I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever is foisted upon the director’s throne won’t match Abrams’ ability. Despite, you know, his proclivity for lens flares, back patting, and time travel.
