It ’tis I, the booty hunter! You know me! The man who can stare at gifs of butts on Tumblr for hours, but is always late with Monday Morning Commute. Listen! Listen. Booty hunting is a complicated profession. But more than that, it is gloriously passive. Way easier to watch ’em giggle than to pen something. Even slop! Even slop such as this, I know.
But! The booty hunter has arrived, and I’ve got with me my weekly satchel of sacred distractions that are getting me through the week. And oh, fuck, do I hate the weeks lately. Dark as fuck. Cold as fuck. I want to bury myself in blankets and caloric excess and wait for Spring. But, I can’t yield just yet. I mean, we got a significant amount of fucking months to go, and I can’t throw in the towel.
So this here is Monday Morning Commute! And the forthcoming are what I’m enjoying or looking forward to this week! I hope you’ll share your own satchel of sacred distractions in the comments section!
I must admit, I’m going to be quick! Dinner is on the way, and The Mandalorian awaits me. If I can punch this out prior to Mr. Door Dash arriving, I’ll be ecstatic.
Goddamn, is the Fall ever a twinset of gloom and glory. There’s something sublime about watching the leaves turn, experiencing the air crispen, and observing the stars throb. But, at the same time? Man, does it make existing a struggle. Early evenings, dreary afternoons, and the promise of only more darkness for the foreseeable future.
Like I said, a twinset! For as much as I enjoyed Fall last week? Sunday was a soufflé of sadness and ennui.
The work week!
Anyways, thankfully, I got my own series of supplements to get me through the work week. And, I don’t just mean the uncomfortably large number of actual supplements I take on a daily basis. I also mean the variety of shows, games, and other pop culture popcorn I’m gorging on, to fight back the darkness.
And since this is Monday Morning Commute, I’ll enumerate them for you! Then, I hope you’ll join me in the comments section.
Oh, golly gee, oh golly gee fucking willikers! It’s the Weekend! This is the Open Bar! If you’re reading this, you’re alive! You’ve made it through another week! Or, you’re proof that there’s some sort of thin membrane we cross upon death, only to haunt others from Beyond. That said, welcome! Be you mortal, immortal. Trapped in a perpetual liminal state, or coasting towards death along with me!
Fuck me, fuck me sideways! Where am I? What was I doing?
Oh, oh yeah! Welcoming you to the weekly weekend wanking Open Bar!
Hey, friends! It’s me, the Captain of the Space-Ship Omega welcoming you to the beginning of the Holiday Gauntlet. No doubt, it can be a wonderful time of the year. Yet, it can also provide an impressive cavalcade of social obligations, forced-monetary expenditures, and rolling darkness. What to do, what to do? Well, for starters take a fucking breath. Then, pull up a chair around the cosmic-hearth here on the ship. You can take refuge here in the Weekend Open Bar! Herein you’ll find like-minded folk shooting the shit about their weekend.
Perhaps this weekend the conversation will center on how much money we spent on Black Friday deals. And the shotgun dropkicks we gave the elderly to procure said deals. Or, maybe we enumerate the various caloric depravities we’ve indulge in. Anything and everything goes, so long as the golden rule is not violated:
Thou shall be chill.
Man, there ain’t no fucking sun in the sky lately. And man, there ain’t no fucking warmth in the air. But, there sure are a lot of fucking papers to grade, a lot of classes to teach, and a lot of obligations to meet. Ah, ah yes. Why, it must be that time of the year. What time, you ask? Why, the time of the year where I feel ground down into a chunky paste, and slathered across the corporeal plane. However, I do not have the time to cease! Cause there’s so much goddamn wood to chop before I sleep for the semester.
How am I going to make it?
Why, by leaning on the various frivolities that bring me happiness. And, I’m wanting to tell you of the specific frivolities I’m enjoying this week! Do you want to hear, fair members of the Space-Ship Omega? I certainly fucking hope so!
How am I going to make it, also?
Why, by listening to the various frivolities you are enjoying this week! Please, I implore you. Meet me in the comments section, and let’s spend time time!
This is Monday Morning Commute.
How are you folks doing? I know it’s been quiet around here. Sure, there’s the occasional pop-culture kernel that I’m interested in enough to share. As well, there’s the Facebook page, which seems to have struck ground as an enjoyable repository for said kernels and infinite memes. And finally, yeah, we do stream every weekend on Twitch. But around here, man. The hub. It’s been quiet. At first, I wasn’t sure why it was so hard to maintain the grease on the perpetual-engine at the center of the Space-Ship Omega, but then I remembered.
We’re all just sort of busy.
Rendar’s got two jobs. Bateman’s got, I’m not really sure how many jobs. I oscillate between teaching four classes and one class depending on the semester, and I’m always tutoring 30+ students a week. Compliment that with a commute which is generally one-and-a-half-hours each way every day, and well. I’m fucking tired, man.
All of this is a meandering preamble to serve as both an acknowledgement that it’s quiet around here, an apology for said quiet, a paean for the older days, a notice that I miss you folks, and a reasoning for why things can get so quiet.
I hope you’re well. I hope you’re still here, even if you’re lurking. And if you’re not, eh, I can’t blame you. Entropy claims everything.
But, I’m here now, dudes! I’m here now, with yet another tardy Monday Morning Commute. It’s the gabfest where I share what I’m looking forward to in a given week! So, without further ado, here’s what I’m sweating!
I hope you’ll join me in the comments section!
It’s been a moment since I crept out from under the shadows and issued forth a Weekend Open Bar, huh? For that, I apologize. How the fuck are you doing, friends? Apologies for the tardiness, and all that happy horse shit. You know how it goes, or maybe you don’t know how it goes.
But, when the MalaiseVapors got your synapses in their claws, it’s hard to fight back.
But, I’m here now. The MalaiseVapors beat back, another row in the books. They’re gone, but not forgotten. They’re gone, but they’ll return. They always return, to dance the Dance Macabre.
What’s up, fellow denizens of the Space-Ship Omega? How are you doing? I’m aiight, kicking it. I’m aiight, sluggishly tumbling headfirst into the final weekend of the semester. Tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. Skull-meat’s synapses barely firing, as my thickened blood fails to pump all that well.
But, I’m blessed enough to have the weekend off.
Friends! Friends. I’m at a level of fatigue that I do not usually reach. Oh, the ethers from beyond beckon me towards slumber. Like not eternal slumber, don’t get me wrong. More like, oh, I don’t know. Eating six Pop Tarts, drowning my esophagus in ice cream, and drifting off. Drifting off where? Ideally to the Astral Plane for a good twelve or so hours. Just ripping ass, snoring, and healing my weakened mind-shafts.
The good news?
The good news is that I am of that privileged sort that has the weekends off.