#May2021

Weekend Open Bar: A Mythically Good Time

It’s been fucking crazy, dudes. Like, super fucking crazy around these parts. Not in a wholly bad way, but just fucking crazy. For example, I’ve literally typed up a draft of MMC the last two weeks and never gotten around to finishing them. We’re talking crazy to that ass-clenching degree. Anyways, it’s the motherfucking Weekend (Open Bar) and I’m goddamn ecstatic. The work laptop is closed, the ring light is powered off, and my existential pud is in my hands.

Read the rest of this entry »

Best of OL Plays – The Logical Conclusion To Boob Worship

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: Prepare for Kombat Tonight

It’s the Night of Night, my friends! Sitting here at 4pm, it’s a mere three hours until I finally get to see a new movie in the theaters. Thirteen months! Lost twenty-pounds (not good), gained twenty-pounds (about 5 pounds too many), grew a mustache, grew a beard, grew a mustache, and now I’m back to a beard. Since I’ve been in the theater last there’s been insurrections, elections, and a couple of Marvel television shows. It’s been a hell of a fucking ride, some bad, some good, the majority banal.

Anyways! That’s what is on the tip of my synaptic iceberg tonight! But there’s other shit popping off this weekend, and I want to share in all the revelry with you folks! Right here, at the Goddamn Open Bar!

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: Nobody’s Home. Let’s Party!

Can I open the bar in five minutes? Can I go from absolutely no image, to an image, a post title, body text, and hit publish? Let’s see! It’s 6:34. How are you fuckers doing? Are you ready to celebrate the weekend? With me? I fucking hope you are! So come one, and come all, to the Weekend Open Bar!

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: The G(l)ory of the Slumber Party!

Lordy, lordy! Look what motherfucking time it is, my friend! ‘Tis nothing less than the most glorious time of the fucking week. Namely, the fucking weekend! I just got done grading eighteen essays, which means I can shut my brain the fuck down until Sunday! It’s been an absolute nut-crusher of a week, and I cannot wait to vaporize my brain, engorge my stomach, and titillate my ocular-globes.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning Commute: Godzilla Ain’t Got Shit On Kong

Listen, I can’t speak to the classic installments featuring both characters. I can’t! I simply can’t. However, I know that in the modern iterations, Godzilla ain’t got shit on Kong. Look at that gif! He don’t want that smoke. Guarantee dude runs away, like he spent the entirety of his last movie doing. And then? Dude will probably roll up, blast Kong with a cheap-ass nuclear reactor blast, and everyone will jizz. But pound for pound? Grit for grit? Kong’s a goddamn mauler and we must respect him as such. All of this is probably just an overly long way to introduce this column with the notion that, yes, I’m officially excited for this movie.

But that ain’t all, folks! Fucks! Nope. I’m stoked for a bunch of other shit this week, and I’ll let you know all about them below. That is, after all, the function of the weekly Monday Morning Commute. Then you’ll hit up the comments section with your own musing. It’s the tacit agreement we have, friends.

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: Gods of the Omega Arena

Enter the Omega Arena, Fellow Gods of Slime and Disaster! It’s the Weekend! It’s the Open Bar! Which means it’s time to drink deep the Draughts of the Gods! Which means its time to smoke the Bone-Vapors of the Fallen Eldritch ones! Most importantly, which means it’s time to hang out for a couple of days together!

Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning Commute: (Can’t Wait To) Take This Damn Mask Off!

Can’t wait to take my fucking mask off, friends! Like, I get that it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe the end of 2021? But it feels more and more real with each passing day. You know? Here in the greatest state in the union they’re opening up vaccine eligibility to all starting April 19, and I’m fucking torqued. Gonna work them sign-up sites like I’m hunting for a goddamn PlayStation 5. I’m also hoping that I’ll have more success getting a vaccine appointment than everyone is having getting that fucking console. ‘Cause mamma mia, are PS5s hard to come by these days.

With the impending access to a vaccine, the sunny days, and the progression of the semester, I’m feeling good. Who knows if the vibe will last, but I’m just riding it right now. Why not, right?

So let’s hang out here together, my dudes! My friends! My comrades! Right here in the newest edition of Monday Morning Commute. What are you doing this week? What are you digging this week? I want to know! But first, I’ll show!

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: Are You Ready?

wob - are you ready

Are you ready? Whole squad’s ready! Forgive me from quoting the tune from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s Super Bowl trailer! I’m just so fucking pumped for this shit! As I’ve probably puked-up many times around these parts, Bucky is my favorite motherfucker in the MCU! Just an absolute unit of brooding, healthy male bonding, and gorgeous hair. How can you not love this motherfucker! It’s impossible, and now this son of a bitch is getting a co-starring role in the latest dollop of dashing MCU madness.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning Commute: Firestarting Springbreak!

Monday is over for me, motherfuckers! The ring light has been stuffed under my computer desk. The laptop that I use to do remote work has been shuddered. Most importantly, a glorious Mountain Dew Zero Sugar Major Melon has been cracked open. Monday is over for me, indeed! I mean, I’ve drank about seven of them today, but caffeine has a more congratulatory pop when it’s ingested during the off-hours.

But, this Monday being over is more glorious than any run of the mill Monday. You see, Spring Break is next week! Which means I’m one step closer to shutting down the ring light for like seven fucking days, playing a shit ton of video games, and generally relaxing. Four fucking days to go!

Mamma mia, I simply cannot fucking wait for this upcoming Siesta.

But, being a lazy piece of shit ain’t that only thing I’m sweating this week. Nope! Folks, I got all sorts of shit on my pop cultural plate this week!  Delicious morsels of cultural caloric bliss that I’m more than eager to stuff into my brain-mouth! While mixing metaphors, analogies, and all of that other shit!

In fact, guess what? I’m going to fucking tell you what I’m gorging on this week. In fact, guess what? You’re going to join me in the comments after I’m done.

After all, that’s the entire goddam function of this column! This MMC. This Monday Morning Commute!

Read the rest of this entry »