Sony Bend’s Next Game is Open-World and Also Features Vehicles. Just Let The Fucking Make ‘Days Gone 2’ Then!
Yo, Sony! What the fuck! If you’re allowing Bend to make another open-world game with vehicles, just let them fucking make Days Gone 2. For fuck’s sake, you fart sniffers.
Jesus fucking Christ, we made it to the end of this year. Congratulations if you’re reading this. The thresher may have ripped and torn at your nipples. Grinded and pulverized your soul. But you fucking made it, my dude! There’s a goddamn victory in that, even if your psyche is in tatters. May the next year give way to actual social events (albeit still mutated, sure), and a warm balm that may not heal the scar tissue, but soothe the soul.
We made it! Oh fucking thank the disaffected Eldritch Ones, we made it. So let’s celebrate that shit with one last Monday Morning Commute in this accursed year, no?
Tell me, what are you up to this holiday week! Are you cracking open a new video game? A new IPA? A new batch of wet wipes and grinding out one last batch of proto-children? Let’s celebrate the arts & farts one last time together, then help launch the engine that’ll shoot this year into the fucking sun.
Whelp, the end of the semester has arrived. Just in time to compliment last week’s news that my wife doesn’t have cancer! A really lovely double axe handle to 2020’s absolutely brutal ennui. For the first time in a while I’m sleeping again, smiling again, enjoying the general day-to-day existence. Of course, I’m still concerned that dickheads out there are partying as the Pandemic reaches its peak! Of course, I’m still concerned that a significant strand of the Republican Party has turned into a reality-denying sledgehammer that is attempting to split the head of democracy fully open.
But, but, hey. We aren’t going to be able to turn the entire ship around. Not this quickly, perhaps not at all. However, the changes in my personal life are enough to gloss the synapses a bit, and allow me to enjoy my time with my wife! With you fucks! And make the best out of a mutilated holiday season, sans physical contact with friends and family.
Thus my friends, let’s dance the dance of digital reverie! Hark! What are you up to this week? Hark! What are you enjoying this week? This is Monday Morning Commute.
It ain’t depression, friends! It’s COVID-19! And baby is it ever striking! I’m on Spring Break, but Spring Break during the apocalypse doesn’t really pop. You know? Everything is closed. Nothing to do. Except sit around, worry about my job, eat too much, and refresh /r/coronavirus. Not good! Not good at all.
As someone who needs the gym not just for his body, but for his mind, this is a bit of a tough stretch. As someone who needs social interaction and routine just to slathered together a dinted, but functioning psyche, this is a bit of a tough stretch.
Which is why I need you more than ever, my friends! To help me bask in the frivolity and distractions that we need to pad our lives with. Perhaps not solely bask in, but times like this prove more than ever, we need as humans.
Here’s what’s on my motherfucking mind this week, friends. The arts I’m embracing, the fears that are chasing, and other miscellany bullshit. I hope you’ll join me in the comments. ‘Cause, like, what the fuck else are you doing?
This is the Coronavirus Non-Commute, the really weird temporary off-shoot of Monday Morning Commute.
What’s up, travelers aboard the Space-Ship OMEGA? It’s finally, finally the Weekend Open Bar.
Boy. Weird week, no? COVID-19 has finally struck America’s consciousness, and such a strike has felled any sort of normalcy. Ain’t no sports! Ain’t no toilet paper! Movie premieres being delayed. Schools being closed. What the fuck! What the fuck does this all mean?
Honestly, I don’t know!
Golly gee come down to the Space-Ship OMEGA! We’re having an Eschaton of fun here within the walls of the faithful tin can in digital orbit! But, friends, I must confess something. I think there’s a general paucity in the zeitgeist when it comes to really comprehending the situation on this globe, which is currently somewhere between a shit-covered molotov to the face of Western culture, and a dumpster filled with spiked light bulbs dropped on our cumulative balls.
Self-immolation is a hell of a drug, friends! Ask the DNC, as they continue to tear the walls down on themselves to prevent the Bern. Shit, ask me! On those dark nights where it feels like 8,000 calories of M&Ms makes way more sense than trying to fight my way out of my malaise! But, it’s fucking futile! We’re going to get another Trump presidency, and I could end up in a waistband three-sizes bigger than currently constituted. But if I’m being honest? The former seems way more plausible than the later, as I sip my deeply unfulfilling weekday smoothie that serves as both breakfast and lunch.
None the less, what’s the key to staving off self-immolation?
What are the secret ingredients of the Anti-Apocalypse serum?
I’m happy to tell you!
And a good goddamn Weekend to you all, you fuckers! How are you doing? Attempting to keep the Pushing Through A Malaise and Interacting With Others space-ship going! As well, it’s pretty easy keep reaching out and high-fiving motherfuckers when it’s the weekend. I mean, right?
Speaking of which, grab a chair! Pull up a bean bag! Sit down directly on your balls and scream mercilessly!
I don’t care what you do. So long as you hang out with me this weekend! After all, that’s the point of the motherfucking Open Bar!
Man, I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been here! Spinning off a Monday Morning Commute! But, I’m going to level with you. Just been mired in a February Funk. Fucking ashen skies, long-ass work days. Been feeling the funk. The February Funk! However, don’t think that means I don’t miss ya’ll! I do, I truly do!
Especially since Bateman and I have not been able to stream due to scheduling conflicts. Streaming on Saturday nights is the perfect way to spend a Saturday night (in my opinion), but it also puts directly in the Existential Line of Fire. That said, we’re back this week, though! And I hope you’ll join us.
Until then! Let me tell you what I’ve been enjoying and anticipating as of late, in-between foggy-headed malaises and eating too much.