Monday Morning Commute: Maybe It Just Needs A Little Love
Whelp, the end of the semester has arrived. Just in time to compliment last week’s news that my wife doesn’t have cancer! A really lovely double axe handle to 2020’s absolutely brutal ennui. For the first time in a while I’m sleeping again, smiling again, enjoying the general day-to-day existence. Of course, I’m still concerned that dickheads out there are partying as the Pandemic reaches its peak! Of course, I’m still concerned that a significant strand of the Republican Party has turned into a reality-denying sledgehammer that is attempting to split the head of democracy fully open.
But, but, hey. We aren’t going to be able to turn the entire ship around. Not this quickly, perhaps not at all. However, the changes in my personal life are enough to gloss the synapses a bit, and allow me to enjoy my time with my wife! With you fucks! And make the best out of a mutilated holiday season, sans physical contact with friends and family.
Thus my friends, let’s dance the dance of digital reverie! Hark! What are you up to this week? Hark! What are you enjoying this week? This is Monday Morning Commute.
Yes, Cyberpunk 2077 dropped last week. Yes, it’s absolutely fucking unfinished. Yes, it’s fun despite that. But also, yes, I’m going to wait until they patch this motherfucker before I play more. Shit pains me right in my hair-covered asshole. Goddamn, have I ever waited for this title. However, that’s exactly what I’m going to fucking wait. What the fuck is another half year or some shit? Pretty much nothing.
What the fuck does that mean for my gaming diet, then? Man, I don’t fucking know! Obviously, Dead Cells with Bags. But on my lonesome? When my wife is in bed, the lights are down, and I got some alone time? Not sure. I have a backlog of unfinished titles (Days Gone, FF XII, Doom Eternal) and an unplayed copy of Assassin’s Creed Valhalla to choose from. Definitely not how I envisioned my Winter Break, but hey. You know what they say, right? If you want to make JCVD laugh, tell him your plans.
Motherfucking Mando wraps up his second season this week! And, man. While I’m stoked to ingest the season finale, I’m going to miss my weekly dollop of Star Wars to ease the ennui.
Meanwhile, I’ve been watching a couple things with my wife. There’s The Queen’s Gambit, which is essentially a coming-of-age story meets chess-as-Rocky. Great shit. As well, we’ve been watching How To With John Wilson on HBO. Produced by Nathan Fielder, shit is part spoken-verse, part documentary, part…I don’t even know. Just a really wonderful, surreal experience.
Meanwhile, as well, in addition to, I’ve been watching Spartacus with my husband. Great shit, man. It’s like if 300 didn’t take itself so seriously. Copious sex? Yup! Copious violence? Yup! Copious enjoyment? You fucking bet!
Every Time I Dropped two new songs last week, and goddamn are they tasty. Vocalist Keith Buckley’s lyrics are cutting, and they’re only outpaced by the vicious riffs ripping across the two tunes. I don’t always listen to ETID, but I’ve been following them for years. For Good reason, too. Motherfuckers just don’t disappoint. Check the songs below, titled A Colossal Wreckage and Desperate Pleasures.
Just to show how fucking bipolar I am, I’ll let you in on what I’ve also been obsessed with: Christmas cocktail jazz. Yup, I’m just a fucking straight-up maniac. If I ain’t listening to ETID rage against the cruelty of man, I’m hanging out by the hearth to some chill renditions of Christmas classics.
Gimme a fucking Hell Yeah, fellas!
[The Winter of the Wonderful Stephen King]
What does it mean, now that the semester is over? Well, it means several things! Staying up late and masturbating too much! Eating too many calories and cursing the Elder Ones as I drill diarrhea after diarrhea dump! And! Diving back into Stephen King’s magnum opus, It. I’ve read about fifty pages in the last day, and I’m reminded of what a maniac King was while riding high on the Devil’s Dandruff. Within those fifty pages, dude has already referenced an eleven year-old’s nipples, a nice cock, and dropped a pretty impressive paragraph or two of cosmic horror.
Glad to be back in Derry.
[Blow Snow, Baby!]
Whelp, I’m old. Really am, my dudes. I thought it when I stopped wearing shorts to walk the dog when the temperature turned cold. I thought it when my groin refused to heal and my beard turned grey. Now, I’m thinking it as I eagerly await the arrival of our newly purchased snowblower tomorrow. Man, I really shouldn’t be as excited as I am to get one. But fucking fuck shoveling, man! Too old for this shit, you know?
Sure, sure. I’m definitely going to lose a toe, or a finger, or a finger and a toe thanks to the unrelenting machinery within the blowing device. I’m a clumsy fucker, it’s only a matter of time. But can you put a price on the glory of not having to shovel? I don’t think so, I truly don’t.
Anyways, my friends! I’m done rambling. What are you enjoying this week? Let’s hang.