Aquaman has been delayed. But, for once, it doesn’t seem the cause of a DC movie delay is gross incompetence or Development Hell. Rather, the movie is going to take the place of the delayed Avatar 2.
James Cameron is looking around this week and seeing a movie beginning to legitimately challenge his shitty Runs With Blue Wolves flick for box office records. And, dammit, while I ain’t psychic, I have to imagine that’s why he’s injecting some Avatar news into the Pop Psyche.
Sigourney Weaver has been spittin’ the word that she’s returning to the Avatar Universe in the sequels for a while now. Most wondered how the fuck she would, since she died in the original flick. Like didn’t flowers eat her up and shit? Man — Avatar. That fucking movie was real, and people actually paid for it. Goodness gracious. Anyways, Jimmy Cameron found a way around her death in the original movie. Just give her a new character to portray.
What’s worse than one Avatar sequel? Why, three! James Cameron has hired a legion of writers to help pumping out scripts for the three movies. Nothing says inspiration like churning out a factory of mediocre scripts from a variety of people! Jimmy Cameron must really be feeling this Pandora adventure. Or three!
Here is hoping that the Mayans are right! Or rather, the panicked white people glomming onto misinterpretations of Mayan calendars. For if they are not, Jimmy Cameron is going to slather digital celluloid with two movies of utter fecal matter.
The hardest part about so much time passing between these Avatar movies is finding people still willing to dress up blue and fuck me with their tails. It was the hot shit at first. People were doing it in droves. Now that time has passed? Shit me. Whole scene has dried up like a successfully strip mined Pandora. Get it? That was the name of the dumb world, right?
I wish that James Cameron would keep doing awesome things like going to the deepest point in the ocean and planning to mine the shit out of space rocks. This would keep me from having to contemplate the salt-and-peppered bastard as a movie maker, which quickly gets my Hulk going.
The sequels for Avatar was supposed to start dropping on our futile simian brains starting in 2014. They would herald the unfurling of the fourth dimension in cinema, and allow James Cameron to ride a pile of baby corpses all the way to his secret base on Mars. The problem with mastering the 4D is that it takes some time, and it appears that Avatar 2: I See You Ethnographic Stare is going to be a smidge late.
Go ahead and search the OL backlogs. I was one of those rubes duped by the shiny gadgets and nonsense of Avatar. Then I saw it again, was horrified, and puked throughout the years as the 3D nightmare ensued. Avatar 2 is delayed? Fucking good.