Apple’s 2019 Gaming Revenue Beat Out Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony combined. Holy fuck.

apple gaming revenue beat sony microsoft nintendo combined

You know, I don’t really think of Apple as a gaming company. But, that failure is probably due to my own antiquated idea of what constitutes a gaming company. That fucking shit is on me, and I gotta correct it. ‘Cause man are they into gaming, and man do they make a fuckload of money off of it.

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‘GLOW’ creators bringing new anthology series to Apple TV+ starring Alison Brie, Cynthia Erivo, and Nicole Kidman!

glow creators apple tv alison brie

Them GLOW creators aren’t staying on the mat (heh) for too long! No, indeed they’re not! They’ve got a new series in the works at Apple TV+, and the former show’s star Alison Brie will be joining them.

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Apple is apparently working on secret satellite technology! What could possibly go fucking wrong?

apple secret satellites data

Apple! Working on some secret satellites to send data to devices! Another star in the developing Skynet constellation.

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Apple is spending a billion dollars on its gaming service. This seems both a colossal amount of money, and reasonable, I guess?

apple billion game service

Apple! They’ve got more money than I got sexual fetishes! So, is it surprising that they’re spending a billion on their gaming service? Nah, not really. At the same time though, that’s a lot of fucking money.

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Apple is planning a “Netflix for games” along with every other company planning the same fucking thing

apple streaming gaming service

Apple is apparently planning a  “Netflix for Games”, my friends. This makes sense, since it seems that every fucking company is planning the same thing.

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Apple officially orders TV series based on Isaac Asimov’s ‘Foundation’ series, for better or worse

apple the foundation series david goyer

The cool: The Foundation series is being made into a TV show. The potentially not cool: It’s being done through yet another streaming service, this time’s Apple’s. The definitely not cool: David fucking Goyer is involved. Verdict? Uncertain.

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Apple orders comedy from ‘It’s Always Sunny’ stars Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day

apple comedy charlie day rob mcelhenney

Two of the men behind one of my favorite shows ever are creating a comedy for Apple. While this is pretty cool, it’s yet another fucking streaming service I’m going to have to get involved with.

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Rumor: Apple is thinking about buying Netflix, cause Disney or something, right?

apple buying netflix

Apple can’t just sit around and let Disney buy up our culture! Hell to the fuck to the no! So, what’s an equally aspiring monolith to do in the face of Disney’s Fox acquisition? It’s simple, friends. Buy Netflix.

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Rumor: Apple considering buying Disney for $200 Billion. Hail The Monoculture!

apple buying disney 200 billion

If Apple buys Disney, our culture would be consolidated to such a degree, if it isn’t already, that I’ll probably begin removing my teeth fillings and building my cabin in the woods.

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Apple bought the company who helped with ‘Star Wars’ motion capture

Star Wars.

Apple seems to be fancying themselves some augmented reality! I mean, they probably fancy something everything technological. But still. The company has bought Faceshift, which is a group that helped out on Star Wars‘ motion capture. Now it’s just a matter of time before they unleash iReality on the world.

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