#April2019

Apple is spending a billion dollars on its gaming service. This seems both a colossal amount of money, and reasonable, I guess?

apple billion game service

Apple! They’ve got more money than I got sexual fetishes! So, is it surprising that they’re spending a billion on their gaming service? Nah, not really. At the same time though, that’s a lot of fucking money.

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Apple is planning a “Netflix for games” along with every other company planning the same fucking thing

apple streaming gaming service

Apple is apparently planning a  “Netflix for Games”, my friends. This makes sense, since it seems that every fucking company is planning the same thing.

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Apple officially orders TV series based on Isaac Asimov’s ‘Foundation’ series, for better or worse

apple the foundation series david goyer

The cool: The Foundation series is being made into a TV show. The potentially not cool: It’s being done through yet another streaming service, this time’s Apple’s. The definitely not cool: David fucking Goyer is involved. Verdict? Uncertain.

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Apple orders comedy from ‘It’s Always Sunny’ stars Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day

apple comedy charlie day rob mcelhenney

Two of the men behind one of my favorite shows ever are creating a comedy for Apple. While this is pretty cool, it’s yet another fucking streaming service I’m going to have to get involved with.

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Rumor: Apple is thinking about buying Netflix, cause Disney or something, right?

apple buying netflix

Apple can’t just sit around and let Disney buy up our culture! Hell to the fuck to the no! So, what’s an equally aspiring monolith to do in the face of Disney’s Fox acquisition? It’s simple, friends. Buy Netflix.

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Rumor: Apple considering buying Disney for $200 Billion. Hail The Monoculture!

apple buying disney 200 billion

If Apple buys Disney, our culture would be consolidated to such a degree, if it isn’t already, that I’ll probably begin removing my teeth fillings and building my cabin in the woods.

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Apple bought the company who helped with ‘Star Wars’ motion capture

Star Wars.

Apple seems to be fancying themselves some augmented reality! I mean, they probably fancy something everything technological. But still. The company has bought Faceshift, which is a group that helped out on Star Wars‘ motion capture. Now it’s just a matter of time before they unleash iReality on the world.

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‘Steve Jobs’ Trailer: Meet The World’s Favorite TechnoJerkLord

New York Times: New Apple TV to focus on gaming

I’ve been thinking about an Apple TV lately. Not for any good reason. Because I’m a technology glutton, and playing with new gadgets is fun for me. But even though I’m both a) a gamer and b) thinking about an Apple TV, I have to confess that the fact that Apple is focusing on gaming with its newest iteration doesn’t make it any sexier to me. How about you?

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Report: Apple is already looking to test its self-driving car

ph33r

Apple wants to infect you, friends. Your brain. Your palms. And now your car. When the GoogleSkyAppleNetApocalypse kicks off, you’re going to have your choice of which sentient car will drive you to the prison camps. That’s what it’s looking like after this report. The Google Car? Or the Apple Car? Either way — it’s the dirt mines for you, with the rest of humanity.

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