#Video Games
‘FINAL FANTASY VI’ coming to iOS, Android. ALSO GETTING SUPER WIMPY NERFED.
FFVI may be dropping on mobile platforms, but it isn’t going to be my fucking FFVI. Naw. Not at all. They’re casualizing (fuck you — it’s my own word) the entire fucking enterprise. Reducing grinding. Fucking assholes eliminating remnants of the good old days when you had to fucking earn your Ribbons. Kiss my ass, everyone involved.
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‘HALF-LIFE 3’ trademark REMOVED FROM EUROPEAN DATEBASE. F**kf**kf**k.
It appears that some sort of malicious douchebag planted that Half-Life 3 trademark application over in Europa or whatever. God dammit.
BLIZZARD files ‘HEROES OF THE STORM’ TRADEMARK. No word if the heroes are panda bears.
Looks like a new WoW expansion pack of brewing. Fuck you, World of Warcraft. Fuck you. Despite my diminishing enjoyment with every successive expansion pack, I know that you’ll lure me back into the Storm. With the Heroes People Stuff.
VALVE trademarks ‘HALF-LIFE 3’ in Europe. DON’T TEASE ME, BRO.
Probably a nothing story, but I’ll take any chance to jam a crowbar in my ass and speculate about Half-Life 3. You know, that game. The one we’ve all been waiting for since…2004? Valve has trademarked the son of a bitch in Europe. Which could mean nothing. But leave me alone, I need this.
Press Start: Micro-Transact My Dick
A vulgar response to a vulgar practice, right? No term sours my gaming experience more than ‘micro-transaction’: something about the idea of paying real money for virtual items just irks me. Call it an out dated, desperate grasp on the good ol’ days, or just plain xenophobia, but it’s an idea that I have real difficulty getting on board with. If solid old school mechanics taught me one thing, it’s that persistence and skill can overcome most hurdles, but very soon, the norm could become dropping a few sheckles to defeat that boss or snag that upgrade instead.
VALVE reveals STEAM CONTROLLER. DIE, ANALOG STICKS, DIE!
Valve ain’t fucking around, brolos! They’ve revealed their Steam Controller, and the son of a bitch is interesting. Ain’t got no analog sticks! Take that upside your conventional head. I’m intrigued.
VALVE LIKE WOAH: THE STEAM BOX IS REVEALED
Man! Fuck that earlier post. Yeah, I’m a slow ass motherfucker these days. So, Valve has revealed the Steam Box. The Steam Machine. The Steam Boxing Machine. You in, bro? Brodette?
CONSOLES PUT ON BLAST: VALVE reveals STEAM OPERATING SYSTEM.
Valve gives no fucks about the upcoming wave of consoles. Or rather, they’re seemingly swinging at the knees of said consoles. They’ve revealed a Steam OS, and it is a safe bet it shall be powering whatever the fuck they’re dropping on our living rooms.
‘FINAL FANTASY 15’ TRAILER: So Slick You’ll Slip and Crack Your Head
Here’s a new trailer for Final Fantasy XV. The first half is the usual pretentious, half-fried nonsense that has come to embody Japanese storytelling in my dumb, thick-headed skull. The second half of the trailer is a parade of gorgeous, hyper-kinectic visuals detailing the combat system.
This is a fair trade to me.
Press Start: It’s Tough Being A Kid
It probably goes without saying (but I will anyway) that most of our formative experiences with video games stem from childhood. Whether it was skipping school to hike to the nearest Street Fighter II cabinet, or locking yourself in your room to explore the vast kingdom of Hyrule, most of us will have some key memory that comes to define what games are to us and they would have been formed at a pretty young age. For me, they were worlds of wonder; simple though they may have been, they unlocked my imagination more than any teacher-fed book could ever hope to do. And though I find myself fawning over the ability to now play as a fully fledged criminal in the online space, I still think the contemporary world of video games is incredibly limited, at least for children.
