#Video Games
FIRST LOOK: Valve’s PROTOTYPE STEAM BOX
Here is a glimpse of Valve’s Steam Box. Often heard about in whispers, its name repeated somewhat erotically during a steamy shower, now we can see clear its corpus.
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Press Start: This Is Your God
Phil Harrison, European XBOX Chief, in all of his shiny-headed wisdom has hired British TV personality Jonathan Ross for some sort of bullshit executive producer position. He’s going to challenge the way games are made. I don’t know what’s going on any more.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ DLC is returning to RAPTURE in NOVEMBER
We know when Ken Levine’s latest brilliant project is coming out. And when I say brilliant, I mean his pandering, fan service DLC that makes me feel like Irrational really didn’t have any fucking DLC planned initially.
But me? I’m still excited. Reject the binary, man!
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‘CALL OF DUTY: GHOSTS’ GAMEPLAY LAUNCH TRAILER: There Will Be Dog
Almost that time of the year again. Where I buy the latest Call of Duty, ride the zeitgeist of our Rotting Times, and secretly hate myself.
Here’s the gameplay launch trailer.
‘TITANFALL’ dropping MARCH 11 for XBOX ONE, PC.
The whole “when do I need an Xbox One by?” question has been answered single-handedly by Respawn. The company behind my most-sweated next-generation title has revealed they’re dropping their game during the Ides of March. Or sometime. Sometime in March.
PlayStation “FOR THE PLAYERS SINCE 1995” TRAILER: TIME-CAKED GOOSEBUMPS
Oh man, this video. I can feel the winds of time brush over me as I watch it. As someone who has consistently owned a PlayStation product since buying his PSX on launch day, the little retrospective simultaneously amps me for PS4 while making me nostalgic for some Battle Arena Toshinden.
Jump into the time machine after the jump.
SQUARE ENIX creates ‘FINAL FANTASY COMMITTEE’ to OVERSEE FRANCHISE.
Yeah, that’s what Square Enix needs. More fucking bureaucracy. They’ve created a “Final Fantasy Committee” to oversee the franchise. With the franchise dying a general laughingstock for gamers of my generations, it’s good to see them making an effort. Makes sense. But I’m not sure it is needed. They could just try reading any news story written about them over the last twelve years.
Press Start: Panic-Delaying the Next Generation
I feel like I’ve just emerged from another womb; a womb of my own creation, fitted with a plasma screen and an XBOX 360: filled with the stench of my own self-loathing and regret. Yeah, I’ve been playing a lot of GTA V lately, so much so that I forgot I had a duty to talk shit about video games and pontificate like you all gave one. Despising myself as I was, but conveniently blaming GTA V at the same time, I was surprised to find out that the game hadn’t just fucked up my life, but the industry as a whole.
‘MASS EFFECT 4’ features NO SHEPARD. Will still feel like ‘MASS EFFECT.’
Despite the ending. I miss Mass Effect. I miss the fucking Citadel. I miss biotics. I miss the Universe. A lot. So Jesus Christ BioWare, give me something to get a Mass Erection over.
‘WATCH DOGS’ delayed until SPRING 2014. SHITTIN’ ALL OVER MY LAUNCH DAY PLANS
Titty fuck a goose! Goddamn Watch Dogs. Goddamn UbiSoft. The game I was sweating in a sensual coupling with my launch day PS4 has been delayed. What’s next? What’s next!
