I don’t particularly buy this rumor, but I really dig anything Star Wars related. So I’ll indulge it. If the latest batch of boiling nonsense is to be believed, Episode VII is going to be starring Uncle Luke and his Force-sensitive niece and nephew.
Timothy Anderson has taken the original Star Wars novels and smashed them deep into the soul of pulp. Mixing them around, he has recombinated the parts into a serious of gorgeous novel covers.
The latest acquisition for some sort of asshole with too much money are the pants that Luke Skywalker wore while he and a bunch of terrorists were running around destroying Space-Stations in A New Hope. Them fuckers didn’t go cheap, either.
I feel you if you’re worrying (you being the three or four people who actually are present) that this site has devolved into a Star Wars wankfest as of late. However, my retort? I don’t know what to tell you. The Force sculpted my nerd-spine. So when news drops thata new animated series being helmed by legitimate talent is coming down the pipeline, I have almost no choice but to stick my Chewbacca Fleshlight onto my sad Sarlacc and go to work.
Take this with so much salt that you being to seize. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers has been linked to Episode VII as the franchise’s first potential cast member. Like I said. So much salt.
Why is this news? Because I jack off into a sock that I’ve fashioned to look like Chewbacca! That’s why. A new Star Wars is less than a year from filming. Oh God, the texture of my nipples as I type that sentence.
I want to be bitter about the fact that the fat ass Leviathan that is Electronic Arts has snagged the Star Wars franchise. However, maybe this means that they’ll churn out some space-worthy adventures. Just imagine! It has potential. For example, if this results in KOTOR 3, I’m going to jizz all over my belly.
My lightsaber is igniting.
This just feels right, no? J-Daddy Lensflare expects the master of all Star Wars tunage to be returning to the franchise for Episode VII. While I’ve thought Williams has been sort of mailing it in the past couple of works (heresy, I know, whatever), just the idea of having the man behind the iconic score(s) makes me a bit wet in the slop-house.
Thanks to The Dude for bringing this horrifyingly glorious abomination to my attention. A minor league baseball team shall be donning these jerseys on the same evening of sport where they will be selling Star Wars-themed food. It seems like the best nine innings conceived of thus far this year.