HBO launching standalone service. VALHALLA ARRIVES.

hbo go and shit

HBO is finally givin’ motherfuckers what they been clamoring for. Pleading for. Beating fists upon gravel and demanding. An internet-based HBO service that ain’t tied to a cable subscription.

Read the rest of this entry »

Warner Bros. announces Justice League, Wonder Woman, Flash movies & more

Dawn of Justice

Warner Bros. revealed their slate of movies today, officially announcing like three-thousand DC flicks. Justice League Part 1: Wake Me Up When Snyder Ends, its sequel, Flash-Movie Guy (Not TV Guy Tho)Khal Drogo Goes Swimming and more.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ewan McGregor being considered for ‘Dr. Strange’

Ewan McGregor

Looks like Ewan McGregor could be fucking busy, fucking soon! Apparently the Bearded Force Babe may not just be collecting checks from the House of Mouse for an Obi-Wan trilogy. The son of a bitch is also being looked at for the role of Dr. Strange. Along with, you know, 75% of White Hollywood.

Read the rest of this entry »

‘Ms. Marvel’ scribe G. Willow Wilson taking her talents to ‘X-Men’

X-Men.

Ms. Marvel‘s writer is taking her talents to the X-Men Universe. Which, if her four-part X-Men run is anything like her depiction of Wolverine in Ms. Marvel, means that it is going to be fucking incredible. I WILL USE COMMA SPLICES.

Read the rest of this entry »

Space Porn: Saturn totally impaling one its moons on its rings.

Moon!

It’s all perspective, baby! That’s what I shout at the men and women recoiling from my advances at the local tavern. You could say I’m missing thirty teeth! Or you could say I have six! Perspective! Just like you should say that this picture is one of Saturn impaling its moon, Tethys. Or you could say it’s just a trick of the lens! That’s not the same? C’MON FUCK I HAVE SIX TEETH CUT ME SOME SLACK.

Full image and details after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Rumor: Russo Brothers to direct ‘Avengers 3′ and ‘Avengers 4′

The Russo brothers.

Last night the RDJ+CP3=MCU’sCW news broke. And while I dug it, I agreed with most who were all “Wait, Civil War, already?” But what I was hoping (OH HOPES OF HOPE) was that Cap 3 was merely the jumping-off point for Cinematic Civil War. The kick-off, the impetus, the boiling point. And if the rumors of the Russo Brothers maybe/sorta directing the next two Avengers movies are true, it would help perpetuate my hope. Sanctify it. In blood and comic book flesh and the mewling whimper of a decaying star’s doomed infancy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Woah: Robert Downey Jr. joining ‘Captain America 3′, movie will start Marvel’s ‘Civil War’

Tony Stark.

Robert Downey Jr. is going to be in Captain America 3. And if the tea leaves are to be believed the movie is going kick-off the MCU version of Marvel’s Civil War. Well! Looks like I was TOTALLY FUCKING RIGHT about Marvel’s Civil War push next year being about tying into an MCU version of the event. Truthfully, nothing’s been proven definitively. But my dick is small and my mind is shot and I need victories in my life.

Read the rest of this entry »

Marvel teasing new ‘Civil War’ comic event. All refried everything.

wut.

The fuck? First Marvel reveals that next year Secret Wars is making a comic book event comeback. And now Marvel is teasing a new Civil War event? All the old events! Redone! Spit-shined! For our enjoyment?! Ehhh. Though I have to say this sort of makes sense in a SUPER FUCKING SYNERGY sense, since the MCU seems to be building to some form of Civil War. But still.

Hit the jump for the promo image and details.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning Commute: nanobot-induced autoerotics

nanbots

If there was one thing Grandpa was good for at Thanksgiving, it was sniffing a legion of nanobots before sitting down at the dinner table. There was an inevitable moment during the passing of the animal-flesh and the smashed-starches where his slackened, tired jaw would clench-up. Science retrieving something scattered decades ago by the natural progression of his Meat Case. Somewhere between that third fucking scoop of potatoes his eyes would dilate. His neck would kink. And as he tried to keep his hands from jittering upon the wooden offering-plank, a barely audible moan would escape them cracked lips.

“Oooh, the potatoes” he would murmur. False teeth clacking. “Ohhh, this turkey. Th-the gravy” he would gasp. We tried not to stare. When you’re one-hundred and thirty-four you write your own rules. None of us said a word, but we all knew the goddamn truth. That withered one man’s dick was titillated. An orgy of chemicals in his veins, an orgy of nanobots in his balls prodding his phallus into a seemingly-impossible climax.

Goddamn Grandpa and his goddamn nanobot-induced autoerotics.

—-

This is Monday Morning Commute. Share what you’re up to this week.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dave (f**king DRAX) Bautista cast as ‘Bond 24′ villain

NOTHING

Good for fucking Dave Bautista, man. Dude was one of the biggest surprises in Guardians of the Galaxy for me, proving to be more than an ass-kicking wunderkind. Then news broke that he’s going to be all up in Avengers 3. And now the dude is going to be holding it down as the villain in Bond 24. Wonderful news for the Beefy One.

Read the rest of this entry »