‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ TV Spot: Rey Makes Big Promises To Luke

New TV spot for The Last Jedi! I haven’t watched it, ain’t gonna watch it, but if you’re inclined…watch it!

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Jake Gyllenhaal rumored to replace Affleck as Batman. Don’t tease me, bro

rumor jake gyllenhaal replace ben affleck batman

Rumor has Jake Gyllenhaal as the dude eyed to replace Ben Affleck, should the actor drop the mantle. Like, this is fantastic, and I want it. Gyllenhaal is similar Ben Affleck, except talented, better looking, and ostensibly wouldn’t hate the role with every fiber of his being. Still not convinced? Go watch Nightcrawler and Prisoners and then get the fuck out of my faceee.

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Desktop Thursdays: make trash edible again

make trash edible again

Woah! Oh! Shit! Woah oh shit shit oh woah! It’s Desktop Thursdays! I’m currently: burning the fuck out of my mouth, trying to house some chili. I’m currently: supposed to be on my way to the gym. I’m currently: typing this up in a hurry, so I can finish the aforementioned two other activities! It’s Desktop Thursdays! Check out my world(s), and then share your own!

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‘Rampage’ Trailer: Seriously, The Rock. What the fuck are you doing?

Man. I’ve been binging 1980s action movies this year. And around the time of my twentieth or thirtieth one, I had a revelation. The Rock is goddamn wasted on all of these adaptations, franchise revivals, and fucking disaster porn spectacles. He should be mirking dudes with his biceps and boomsticks and bayonets. Smashing skulls, driving fast, ripping off one-liners. Not, Jesus fucking Christ, running around the city with his goddamn genetically engineered gorilla friend. Fighting other shitty looking monsters.

Like, what the fuck is going on. This looks so, so stupid.

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‘Fantastic Beasts’ sequel gets an official title and first look. Everyone looks so fucking lame, dude

fantastic beasts crimes of grindelwald title and first look

Look at this fucking horde of goddamn dorks. They’ll be starring in Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald.  What a fucking pack of nerds.

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‘Black Panther’ International Trailer: T’Challa’s Suit Gets Some Upgrades

Black Panther has gotten itself an international trailer, and I am 100% not fucking with it. Man, I’m so goddamn sold! I don’t need to be persuaded, I don’t need anything else spoiler. But, apparently, it features some dope upgrades for T’Challa’s suit.

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James Franco starring as Multiple Man in ‘X-Men’ spin-off movie. Like, what the fuck?

james franco multiple man movie x-men spin-off

James Franco, who loves himself more than I love anything in the world, is returning to the world of comic books to play Jamie Madrox in a Multiple Man movie. I slightly fuck with the dude as an actor, but like with fellow dicklord blowhard Jared Leto, I often struggle separating his self-satisfaction from his performances.

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Rumor: Matt Reeves already has Ben Affleck’s replacement in mind for ‘The Batman’

matt reeves ben affleck replacement the batman

What, what the fuck are we doing here? Ben Affleck clearly doesn’t want to be Batman. Furthermore, Matt Reeves already got a fucking replacement in mind. Can we just call the BatFleck experiment over, already?

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‘Deadpool 2’ Trailer: Equal Parts Bob Ross and Merc With The Mouth

The first trailer for Deadpool 2 has dropped, and it has dropped in straight fuckin’ Deadpool fashion. It’s equal parts Bob Ross and Merc with a Mouth. Makes sense, right? For, what would this franchise be now, without some self-aware meta sprinkled in with its sleek utlra-violence? Fucking nothing, that’s what!

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That ‘Lord of the Rings’ TV series for Amazon is going to be a prequel. ‘Cause why not the teats must be milked

lord of the rings amazon prequel series

Hey! How do the powers that be at Amazon compensate for pretty much all of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit having been beaten into paste, snorted, puked up, and snorted again? ‘Cause, you know, they’ve got a TV series coming? Prequel, baby! Ah yes, that insipid fucking narrative technique.

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