Are you lowly spunk-dwelling peons even ready for this shit? I highly doubt it, so I’m recommending that you brace yourselves, for you see, the next-generation XBOX reveal is almost upon us and, due to my illustrious industry connections, I have some exclusive news nuggets that are so exclusive - you’ll find yourself questioning their validity.
Are you braced?
A lifetime playing video games hasn’t just taught me that I’m a fat, slovenly dork who prefers his own company and staying indoors. Far from it: games have allowed me to come to all sort of bizarre, self-therapy conclusions. See for yourself.
Borderlands 2, be still my fucking heart. I don’t know if I’ve poured more time into any one single game this generation. Finish a character? Replay. Finish that? Replay. Done? New character. So with that love in mind, I’m happy to show you this gorgeous case mod.
Ha! Suck it haters! Yeah, I’m talking to you! And you! And you! And Jesus Christ, pretty much every body I’m friends with. A leaked Microsoft memo confirms (confirms?) that the next Xbox will have core features that work offline. Namely, single-player gaming.
I want to be bitter about the fact that the fat ass Leviathan that is Electronic Arts has snagged the Star Wars franchise. However, maybe this means that they’ll churn out some space-worthy adventures. Just imagine! It has potential. For example, if this results in KOTOR 3, I’m going to jizz all over my belly.
What do you know. Another year, another Call of Duty. Here is a shit-ball trailer for the latest one to grace our Thanksgiving season.
Some people around these parts are going to lube themselves with this news and just start straight-up punishing their pink bits. (Yes Neo, I’m looking at you.) Word has come out that Microsoft isn’t nearly where they want to be in the development of the Durascal 720-Kinect 2 Leviathan, to the tune of six months.
Hit the jump for the cuts, then let me know what you think.
Rockstar has dropped a slew of trailers that take players into the lives of the sociopaths they will be controlling in their next Grand Theft Auto game. It also serves as personal reminder that this newest installment shall be arriving soon. With all the fervor about the next generation of consoles arriving, and other games on my plate, I keep forgetting that this son of a bitch is dropping before this year’s calendar expires.
Hit the jump to check them out.
I want to make a lot of witty comments about the possibility that BioShock Infinite DLC may feature a new companion character. However, two problems arise. First, I’m not really witty. Second, anything I can come up with is quasi-spoilerish and I ain’t going that route.
Let’s side-step what we think of Call of Duty, or the potential game from its creators. The fact that Microsoft may be sewing up the next game from these lads is pretty impressive. The Duty franchise is a veritable license to print money, and while there isn’t anything guaranteed about this new franchise I have to imagine it’ll be making crazy dollars. In a world where Sony and Microsoft are struggling to differentiate their console from the others, this could be a hell of a marketing point.
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