Your inclination, I imagine, is to take the headline as a joke. It is not. Apparently when Disney bought Lucasfilm, they didn’t have any money left to actually spend on ideas. Sick! Sick burn, right? Fucking sick! Sick burn! (I don’t know, I’m just covering up how much I fucking hate this news with my usual tepid intelligence and shoddy jokes.)
Obi-Wan Kenobi is star of the next ‘Star Wars’ spin-off movie. In a derivative galaxy, far, far away!
We’ve sort of known for a good long while that Kenobi was going to be the star of the next Star Wars spin-off movie. I mean, right? But, now it is all but confirmed. I don’t know. I’m not particularly hyped about Lucasfilm just perpetually regurgitating and consuming and regurgitating stories based around established mythos. Would it be fucking insane to tell a goddamn original story within the Star Wars Universe? I don’t think so, but what the fuck do I know.
‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ images drop courtesy of EW. Get ready for hot ass cloaked Luke action, and more!
Want some new The Last Jedi images? You’re in the right fucking place. You don’t? Then get the fuck out of here, you goddamn donkey!
Most people I know, including myself: Oh golly, my dick, my dick shrivels with fear for Episode IX, because Colin Trevorrow is writing it.
Well, not anymore. UNFURL, dick. Trevorrow‘s script is being “polished up” by a new screen writer. And hopefully, by polished up, they mean there’s a trashcan where it rots, reeking of inadequacy and turds.
‘The Last Jedi’ News: Leaked, clear promo image of Supreme Leader Snoke and oh god what’s wrong with your face
Want a clear ass look at Supreme Leader Snoke, from The Last Jedi? You know, better than that blurry-as-fuck dur dur build the suspense hologram you see in The Force Awakens? Then hit the goddamn jump!
Oh man! Some foreboding-ass character posters for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Following the ominous, red-tinted logo for the movie, these character posters are also drenched in sanguinary portent.
As is their wont with the new Star Wars movies, Lucasfilm has dropped a Star Wars: The Last Jedi “Behind The Scenes” sizzle reel. It’s replete with all the perfunctory feels, and some new looks at the movie.
‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ poster appeals to your nostalgia because the last movie was garbage
Fuck this poster and fuck Jurassic World.
Ron Howard is officially taking over directing duties for the Han Solo movie. And, man. Talk about pivoting from two interesting filmmakers to the most middle-of-the-road, inoffensive, boring-ass choice. The first two post-Lucas Star Wars offerings have een a shameless remake of the original movie, and a heavily reshot movie that cleaved far away from its director’s vision. I’m fearful Lucasfilm is straight-up afraid or unwilling to offer anything remotely fresh in a galaxy far, far away.
Sure, whatever, okay.