PlayStation 5 Is Fastest-Selling Console in U.S. History. Pretty Impressive, Considering They’re Fucking Unicorns!

playstation 5 fastest-selling console in us history

Suppose there’s two ways to look at the PlayStation 5 being the fastest-selling console in U.S. history. In one way, I’m impressed, because supply has been so limited. In a second way, perhaps they feel so rare due to this limited supply because of how fast they’re selling. Right?

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PlayStation 5 has had the biggest launch in console history. That, uh, explains the shortages.

ps5 is is biggest console launch in history

Can’t get a fucking PlayStation 5? Well, that’s because it’s the biggest launch in console history. I mean, it’s also because of fucking shit-ass scalpers. But, also because of its launch success.

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Weekend Open Bar: The Cold War Is Heating Up Again!

weekend open bar the cold war is heating up

The Cold War is heating up again, motherfuckers! Meanwhile the heat is colding up again, motherfuckers! Man, that was awkward-as-fuck. What I’m trying to say, and failing mind you, is that it’s getting a bit frigid here on the Northeastern Arm of the Empire. But, that ain’t all bad news! With the temperature dropping, and the sun setting, it’s the perfect excuse to stay inside this weekend. Boot-up the PlayStation 5, load-up the new Call of Duty (and Miles Morales) and just be a sack of comfy, cozy shit!

In-between gluttonous play sessions, I hope to spend some time with you fucks here at the Open Bar! I got the hearth going, the suds on tap, and the high-fives primed to be dispensed! Let’s hang the fuck out! Tell me, what are you dudes up to this weekend?

Watching The Mandalorian? Rocking some pre-expansion World of Warcraft? Eating an exorbitant amount of food, happily ensconced in sweatpants and a blanket?

Let’s hang the fuck out.

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Monday Morning Commute: A Cascade of Comfort

Seven years ago today, I wrote a Monday Morning Commute where I was getting excited for the PlayStation 4. It was titled “A Cascade of Nonsense” and captured how stoked I was! Now, I’m writing an MMC getting excited for the PlayStation 5. Mamma mia, right? This place has been around for a long, long time. And I’m glad it is, to serve as a community and a chronicling of my adventures and excitements.

Small comforts in big times, my friend. They’re the only way I’m navigating this minefield of civic unrest, worldwide sickness, and Zoom classrooms. For if we can’t find them, then what? Doom! Gloom! Madness!

So, I’m about to tell you what I’m excited for this week. Then, I hope you’ll hop into the comments section and give me your own run down.

This is Monday Morning Commute. On a Wednesday. Live from the Space-Ship Omega.

Let’s do this.

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Monday Morning Commute: Pleasant to Death

monday morning commute pleasant to death

Welcome to Monday Morning Commute on Election Tuesday! I’ll tell you something, my friends. I had begun writing this column yesterday, and it was full of piss, vinegar, and a real fucking white-knuckled fist at the world. And, you know what? It was just exhausting, my dudes. I petered out after the first paragraph and called it quits. I just don’t have it in me to rage, rage, against the Dying Democracy. Instead, fuck it. I offer you this boon, this refuge from the insanity of the Outside Digiverse.

Now listen, I’m not saying to not care. Now listen, I’m not saying to not vote like your future queer daughter’s life depends on it. However, lost in 2020 is the need for self-care. For sure, i’s a privileged practiced. Everyone needs it, not everyone can attain it, and I care and have empathy for those less fortunate.

But, if you can spare a few minutes, hang out here at MMC with me. I can’t promise you anything other than my kindness, but I’m genuinely curious what you’re looking forward to in this Hellscape of a week. Okay, fuck, that was dark. Listen, I’m trying, but reality does penetrate me straight through the ass every once in a while.

I got my own collections of diversion, distractions, and diluting potions I’m imbibing this week. In fact, I’ll fucking tell you! Then follow-up in the comments with your own laundry list of pleasantries.

I love you all, this is Monday Morning Commute!

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Sony sold as many PS5s in first 12 hours of pre-orders as they did PS4s in first 12 weeks of its sales. Good fucking god!

Sony got itself a motherfucking hit on its hands with the PS5s. We probably knew that already, right? But, how big of a fucking hit? The company sold as many PS5s in the first 12 hours of pre-orders as it did the first 12 weeks of PS4 sales. Mamma fucking mia!

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Sony will optimize PS5 fan performance for individual games through software updates. Fucking bonkers!

sony ps5 fan performance optimize software updates

It appears that Sony is ready to hear our prayers this generation. After years upon years of the PlayStation 4’s fan sounding like a jet engine, it seems the PlayStation 5 will be much, much quieter. It’ll be done through software updates, to optimize the fan’s performance for individual games.

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Monday Morning Commute: Welcome To A.P. Poor Taste

monday morning commute ap poor taste

What’s up, slugs? Are you existing in a marmalade of twinkling optimism and oppressive anxiety? Or, is that just my bipolar ass? Either way, welcome! For me, it’s a gloomy-as-fuck Tuesday, following a long weekend. Which means that everything requires just a smidge more emotional energy than usual, and if I’m being honest, I feel as though everything costs more emotional energy for me than most.

That’s neither here nor there, though. I mean, right? That ain’t the point of this shit, Monday Morning Commute (on a Tuesday). No, no! Indeed, the point is to share what I’m anticipating and enjoying this specific week. Then, I hope you’ll join my ass in the comments.

Regal me, motherfuckers! Regal me with your own happenings! I beg. I plead. I demand.

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Sony says PS5 is definitely launching this year. So like, some fucking deets please?

sony ps5 still launching this year

A Sony Czar has confirmed, once again, that PS5 is launching this year. That’s all well and fucking good, but give us some fucking details. I beg you. This Microsoft and Sony stand-off is so fucking stale by now.

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New PlayStation 5 patent suggests its using liquid metal cooling paste. Whatever the fuck it takes, dudes!

ps5 liquid metal cooling paste

Apparently, according to a patent, the PlayStation 5 is using an “Eutectic Liquid Metal type paste, which should improve the heat transfer from the previously used thermal paste” (Fisher). Whatever the fuck that means! I genuinely don’t know. All I know? Is that when I’m playing Ghost of Tsushima, my PS5 sounds like an airplane and runs hotter than fucking balls. So, let’s hope this works!

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