Red Dead Redemption 2 is coming to PC! Man, I really, really enjoyed the title. In fact, I spent hundreds of hours in it. That said, I don’t blame anyone who found it boring, or plodding. Now after a year, a whole new crop of gamers are either going to lose their lives as they’re sucked into the world, or lose their mind at its slow-ass nature and asstacular controls.
Fuck you and your headlines, Caff-Pow! It’s like you’re thirteen Diet Dews and a Sudafed deep! Reality is buzzing and forget headlines, between the mucous drip and the shakes you can barely maintain a presence in this plane of reality! I say — precisely! But while I’m here, I’m going to enjoy the news that Hyper Light Drifter is dropping this holiday.
At this point in the dance, continuing to complain about microtransactions in gaming is like me complaining about blood in my stool. It is part and parcel for the area. If I didn’t want blood in my stool, I’d stop soaking my cells in aluminium filings to keep away the Illuminati Mind Control. If I didn’t want to deal with microtransactions, I would stop gaming. Dead Space 3 is the latest culprit in this spreading phenomenon. But don’t cry! It has N7 armor for some of us. Wee!
Yeahhh! Here are the deets you have been waiting for. Assuming that you have been waiting for details regarding Valve’s Steam Box. Buddy Gabe sat down with The Verge and unleashed a torrent of titillating details. It’s all well and good, but let’s get real. Where the fuck is Half-Life 3.
I’m not watching this. However, I’m presenting you with the opportunity. Do you dare to spoil?
The drums of war go boom-boom or something, heralding the approach of the next GTA. These drums bring with them promotional leaks and posters for those who are interested. I assume you are interested.
I don’t know. Are we supposed to be enthused by this? Spring is a pretty big season. Like, I’m thinking April. It better be April. Didn’t GTA IV drop in April? I like cookies. Do you?
Yeah, I went there. As much as I want to be hyped for the fucking BioShock Infinite Omega Level editions, I can’t get there. People are leaving that game’s development team like it’s a flame-covered donkey ride in the middle of the ocean. What is that, exactly? Fuck you! I don’t know. Anyways, so yeah. Buy these. At your own risk.
This is a fucking treat. Caleb Mendoza is the winner of some sort of Dead Space 3 contest, and the weapon he designed is going to be up in the game. It’s a cute little reference, Caleb. Though, not what I would have chosen. I would have designed some sort of head-splitting cock rocket that Isaac channeled through his suit’s internal energy pack and out of his hog. Directly out of his hog. It would have been magic.