#September2012

‘BORDERLANDS 2’ golden key dares you to use it. Early. Often.

I’m not really sure if I’m getting a golden key with my copy of Borderlands 2. I ordered the most expensive copy I could find on Amazon, so if it I’m not getting it, I got fucked. The conceit behind the key is pretty awesome, and one that I quietly am hoping I can exploit to my own wonderment.

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‘BORDERLANDS 2’ SEASON PASS ANNOUNCED. $30 for all DLC. I’m thurr.

The Money Making Minds behind Borderlands 2 have announced a season pass for the upcoming title. Such a swag bag will entitle you to all of the game’s DLC for a mere $30. I’m not a computational wizard, but that shit is at least 50% off what you’d have to spend to buy it as it came out. As a dorkus who was going to snag all of the DLC and rub it so, so, so lovingly all over my own shanty towns, I’m excited.

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‘METAL GEAR SOLID: GROUND ZEROES’ announced. Sexy Snake is back, yo!

People attending the Metal Gear 25th anniversary event were lucky enough to catch a glimpse at the next MGS jam. The game is titled Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes, and if the teaser footage is any indication, we’re getting sexy Snake back. I’m pumped. Don’t get me wrong, having Snake as an old wizened piece of shit in MGs4 made sense thematically. Emotionally, it was a drag carrying his old fart balls around.

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‘BLACK OPS II’ gets two ridiculous editions. Care package and Hardened. Freudian wet dream.

We can’t go a year without a new Call of Duty dropping some over-the-top wallet fucking edition, can we? Hell no. It’s about as American as it gets. November is football, turkey, and expensive killing packages.

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‘STREET FIGHTER’ producer Yoshinori Ono helping with the combat in ‘REMEMBER ME’, hell yes.

As if I couldn’t get any more jazzed for Remember Me, the game is getting a titan to consult. Street Fighter producer and uber-legend Yoshinori Ono is helping with the combat system. Yus.

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‘MASS EFFECT 3’ Leviathan DLC is dropping August 28. We…care?

Mass Effect 3 is finally getting some DLC that isn’t promising to fix the ending. Those lasses and lads at BioWare really through themselves off their schedule when they decided to shit directly into the game code after about thirty hours of fun. They’ve finally doubled back around though, and are ready to release some new content.

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‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ hype machine begins with viral ‘Epsilon Program’ site dogging Scientology.

Vroom! Vroom! That’s the awful-pun sounds of Grand Theft Auto V‘s marketing campaign kicking off. Ain’t never been no sacred cows in the line of this franchise, and now it appears that Scientology will be getting dragged through the mud in the fifth installment. Fantastic.

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Gearbox Software CEO: I can’t believe gaming industry hasn’t copied ‘BORDERLANDS’ yet.

Randy Pitchford is shocked that no one in the gaming industry has copied Borderlands yet. Now that you mention it, so am I. It’s like Diablo, only first-person stylee. It’s like Diablo III, but good. In fact, the sequel is my most desired title of the year. Get it! get it!

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‘BORDERLANDS 2’ TRAILER: Full ‘LION KING’ Treatment For Our Horror-Win

Borderlands 2 goes In The Jungle. Wasn’t what you were expecting, but god dammit you’ll fucking love it.

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UNREAL ENGINE 4’S FIRST GAME Is…’FORTNITE’ Well Then.

I guess I don’t have to worry about having a rig that can play the first game running Unreal Engine 4. Phew.

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