‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ Trailer: Well, at least it has Jeff Goldblum

Here’s a trailer for the stupid follow to the stupid movie, Jurassic World. It is equal parts, lame, banal, and forced, but at least it has Jeff Goldblum.

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‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ poster appeals to your nostalgia because the last movie was garbage

jurassic world

Fuck this poster and fuck Jurassic World.

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Jeff Goldblum joins the ‘Jurassic World’ sequel

jeff goldblum jurassic world sequel

Can Jeff Goldblum has joined the second Jurassic World flick. Can he save the shit-tastic movie’s sequel? We will see.

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Obviously: ‘Jurassic World’ confirmed as planned trilogy

Jurassic World

Obvious news is obvious. But, uh, here, enjoy it, those of you silly enough to like Jurassic World. Seriously though, who knows, maybe the sequel will be better. Jurassic World was in development hell forever, and one can hope that’s what led to such a horrid, mutant script.

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‘Jurassic World’ becoming a trilogy; #runrunrun!

‘Jurassic World’ Final Trailer: Run! Run! Run!

Why have one Jurassic World movie when you can have three?! Especially when the first pile of dinosaur turd made $4 trillion dollars?

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Report: Spielberg’s Dreamworks is splitting from Disney


I guess I didn’t even realize that Steven Spielberg’s Dreamworks was aligned with Disney. But I suppose this revelation is a tad late, since it’s only been brought to my attention to inform me that this partnership was ending. Alas.

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‘Star Wars: Episode IX’ to be directed by Colin Trevorrow


I guess it makes sense in some sort of financial way. Get the director behind this year’s biggest hit (Jurassic World) to direct a Star Wars movie. Unfortunately, that same movie is a bag of bloated CGI bullshit, that fails for most of the same reasons that the Prequels fail. Here’s hoping if he’s chosen, Colin Trevorrow brings more of the heart from Safety Not Guaranteed and less of the Hamster Ball Vomit Pile from Jurassic World to the final movie in the new trilogy.

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Weekend Open Bar: Dismembermentship Has Its Perks

Weekend open bar

Oh fuck! It’s been a hell of a day, and that’s why I’m late opening the bar. (Why was it late, Ian?) I’m glad you asked! I’ll tell you! SAM-OMEGA and myself went to see a house today, as we are (were?) hunting for a new abode. And what began as a viewing snowballed into a four-hour extravaganza that ended in us having an offer accepted! So fuck! I’m on my way to thirty years of Debt Slave toiling. And I’m excited about it! But even if the grind gets too much (SEGUE!!!) from Monday through Friday, I’ll always have the Weekend Open Bar.

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Monday Morning Commute: The Person We Wish We Could Be

Damaged Folk

This is my third week of marriage. It feels very much the similar to the life I was living  prior to marriage – namely a maelstrom of responsibilities and too few nights spent actually enjoying the company of my Wife. We spent the weekend house shopping, and now she’s away on business. When…when does life calm down? And in the midst of all that bullshit — we are submitting an offer sheet on a house tomorrow. So there’s that. Either we get a house tomorrow, or we have to hit the house hunting grind again this weekend. Which, admittedly, is a privilege. I get that. But it’s stressful as fuck, and at a certain point having more space for shit you probably doesn’t need must feel irrelevant in the Frowning Face of Not Enjoying Time with a loved one. Right?

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‘Jurassic World’ makes $1 Billion at Global Box Office in record time

lol "he's the alpher" lol

Well, the nostalgia-fueled mediocre monstrosity juggernaut seems intent on smashing records. And preventing me from seeing it. Am I still bitter about you nostalgic dorks cluttering the theaters, preventing me from seeing it? Yup! Stop going! It isn’t that good! Cause, I need to go!

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