I’m anything but an Alpha Male. In fact, SAM-OMEGA is definitely the Matriarch of our officially unified relationship. An Alpha Female, who is willing to punch down doors, and vaporize the Walls of Impossibility to get what she wants for her family and herself. This is perfectly okay to me. Every Batman (her) needs their trusty Robin (this dickhead). And so I’m looking forward to wasting the weekend away with her before she departs on Sunday for Alpha Female Business Trip #Something of the year. What are you up to the next couple of days? This is Weekend Open Bar, the weekly post where we share what we’re up to on our (hopeful) Siesta from the Grind.
Welcome back to Monday Morning Commute! Missed it last week. Was away. Being on a “honeymoon” with the “love of my life” doing “cool things.” Naw — I’m just fucking around. It was pretty fantastic. But here I am. A year-and-a-half journey has come to its end and now SAM-OMEGA and I “on to the next chapter of our life”, which hopefully doesn’t “cost thousands upon thousands of dollars” to live out like the previous one.
Lots. And lots of people came out this weekend to see Star-Lord ride deep with raptors. I haven’t yet, cause of the whole “honeymoon” thing, but I’m interested. How about you?
So okay. I’m pretty much down with this movie until proven otherwise. It’s got the goddamn Star-Lord riding with a DinoSquad, ready to take on the most dangerous dinosaur ever: ScienceT-RexGeneticSpliceRoar. Or whatever they’re calling it.
Fuck you, Chris Pratt. And fuck your talent, humor, and now that you’ve put down the Klondike Bars, your irrepressible beauty. This picture from the set of Jurassic World with you rockin’ it on a motorcycle is a whole new level of unfair. Hit the jump to join me in my revelry.
Jurassic World ain’t playing fair. It knows I’m middling at best when it comes to the movie. So it keeps stacking the fucking cast with people I adore. First Chris Pratt, and now they’re rolling out my other Spirit Animal? Jake Johnson? God dammit.
Chris Pratt isn’t rocking that laziness tip these days. Guardians of the Galaxy, Parks and Rec, a role in Her. Now the good sir who plays my spirit animal (Andy Dwyer) is going to be starring in the next Jurassic Park flick.