Were we supposed to know that Tales from the Borderlands was dropping today? Or did it sort of erupt out of the Dark Anus of News Not Yet Revealed, hitting me off the chest? Either way — fuck yeah I’m buying this when I get home.

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Furious 7 trailer straight to the fucking dome. Featuring uppercuts, drag races, shotguns, cars being dropped out of planes, and most importantly –The Rock. All the sort of shit we demand. And this franchise provides. I cannot wait.

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Ms. Marvel‘s writer is taking her talents to the X-Men Universe. Which, if her four-part X-Men run is anything like her depiction of Wolverine in Ms. Marvel, means that it is going to be fucking incredible. I WILL USE COMMA SPLICES.

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Oh! You think it’s been quiet around here? It has! Oh! You thought I wouldn’t find the time in this first week of classes to talk about THE ROCK?! EGG ON YOUR FACE, PLEBS.

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If you watch Game of Thrones and you weren’t totally swooning over Syrio Forel — stop fucking lying. J.J. Abrams seems intent on stacking the cast for Episode VII with a bevy of my bitties. And the latest to join the cast is Miltos Yerolemou, who plays the aforementioned awesome swordsman.

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This is a Better Call Saul teaser. Starring the show’s creator (along with co-creator Peter Gould, who I am admittedly ignoring the fuck out of here like an asshole). Perhaps this teaser’s existence is a testament to how forcefully Vince Gilligan has penetrated our Pop Culture Psyche. I mean. How many shows feel comfortable enough plugging themselves by just sort of letting the Venerated Creator babble about its premise? In a commercial? I reckon not many. And maybe even more important, it works! I’m sold. Let’s do this, Vincent.

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Hey friends! Pull up a stool. Pound your beverage of choice. Be it monkey urine, which is empirically proven to make you stronger, and run faster. Like the Reebok Pumps of liquids. Or be it alcohol, which will make me more appealing, and less annoying in your eyes! Whatever you drink of choice, slam it down and then enter this column. Weekend Open Bar. Where we shoot the shit for the 48 hours that The Man lets us have to pretend we live fulfilling lives. Or, if you have to work, bitch in here about how the Weekend Grind is a condemnable offense in the Eyes of the Lords of Kobol.

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Did you give up on Agents of SHIELD last season? If so — I don’t blame you. However — it got pretty stinkin’ good right about the time of the Winter Soldier crossover. So I say goddamn!, I’m sweating the second season. A season which now has a debut date. And if you gave up on the show, I’m urging you. Give it a second chance. I promise it’s deec.

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Oh god. OH GOD. Oh god! This trailer for Star Wars Rebels is the fucking berries, man.

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Shazam! This is Monday Morning Commute. And I am Caffeine Powered, the faithful Steward of Space-Ship Omega. Much like I said almost verbatim last year at this time, I am a man under pop culture duress. With E3 popping off, I got my hands seriously full. So forgive me if I work my way through this column with stunning brevity this week. Oh shit! The point of this column? For you and me to share the various things we’re looking forward during the next seven days. Let’s fucking jam.

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