The WACHOWSKIS developing TV series called ‘SENSE8’
I wasn’t sold on the whole Cloud Atlas thing until I caught a trailer for it before Looper. Then I was all intrigued and shit! What is goig on? Dost I maybe dig the duo still? So yeah. Maybe the Wachowskis have rallied. Or at least gotten a bit ambitious. Now if they could pull off a space opera on TV? Goodness me.
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JUNOT DIAZ wins $500k ‘GENIUS GRANT’, vows to write monster book. ILU, Junot.
The shit! I’m not even done picking the boogers out of my snot-covered face after finishing Diaz’ This is How You Lose Her when this bomb drops. The son of a bitch has been given a half-milli genius grant, and homeboy is pledging to use it to finally write his monster book.
New California laws will provide free DIGITAL TEXTBOOKS to university students! Wha?
Fooey! What are these Californians thinking? Giving away digital textbooks? That is a fart in the direction of accessible higher-education, leading to…god forbid…a critically thinking public. Certainly they’ll be crushed by debt and won’t be able to find a job, but this is a great step. A dangerous one. I’m laying it on thick. Leave me alone.
EMMY WINNER penning the unnecessary two-part ‘HUNGER GAMES’ finale ‘MOCKINGJAY’
Double the movies, double the dough. I get why the studios have been splitting finales into halves. It makes a lot of financial sense. Thematically? Eh, I’m not so sure. Though, if there was a book that needed more room to breathe, it was the conclusion to Hunger Games. Maybe this is a good thing. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? This is double Jennifer Lawrence.
Seth MacFarlane hosting Oscars. This makes sense. Both aren’t funny! #Trolling
Seth MacFarlane is hosting the Oscars, an event known for inspiring utter apathy in my ass. It’s a bit fitting, since MacFarlane generally does nothing for me as well. Oh lord, I’m trolling, I’m trolling. So maybe Family Guy has devolved into a legion of non sequiturs, but this summer’s Ted was pretty radical.
Somebody tried to hack the White House? Summon the Bauer.
For some reason I just sort of assumed that the White House was always getting hacked. Too much 24. Apparently it ain’t, because today this nonsense is making news. I imagine it was repelled by Kim Bauer screaming “Phoenix Shield levels dropping!” while squirting milk out of her left nipple. Just like how it goes in real life.
YouPorn declares they’re now on the Xbox 360. Change I can believe in!
With Internet Explorer coming to the Xbox 360, times sure are a changing. Gone are the days where pornography was typically located to flavorful descriptions of what some kid on Black Ops was going to do to my mouth with his rectum. It all sounded good. Never came to nothing. Now we got ourselves some YouPorn up in the heezy.
Head of HOMELAND SECURITY stays safe by…not using email. There is always that.
Here’s a brilliant way to keep your email secure. Don’t fucking use any! Goddamn. Why didn’t I think of that? I imagine it’d be harder to pull off if I was the head of something, though. If I had to run something enormous. Maybe a bloated off-shoot of the military industrial complex. Like, oh, shit, Homeland Security! I mean, I couldn’t possibly stay in contact with people without it. It’d be impossible. Right?
Monday Morning Commute: SOCIOPATHS are KNIVES with HUGS
Gather round, children. Taste the delicious taste of my nectar. This here sugary paste didn’t distill itself. No sir. No ma’am. Salutations to all genders, the myriad of multiple possibilities in a world where binary is only for coding! Ha! Speaking of delectable, what a pun, no? Where I am from you respect your mother and sharpen your pun. Did I ever tell you the story about how my Great Great Great Vat Father was shanked behind a stim stage for mouthing off without a retort? Old mucous-face tried to parry with a master of repartee and when his wits ran dry, his blood ran fluidly. Never forget what Jean-Paul said. Oh sure he was a coke-head and was banging the chicks working under him and sure he ultimately went even way too Red for my socialist, anarchist, burn-it-down ass. None the less. Remember when Jeanie said.
Words are loaded pistols.
What does that have to do with this column? Nothing. This is Monday Morning Commute. Gather around the watering hole, us shackled to the churning of the capitalist tides! How are you hiding from the next sixty years of brain-numbing repetition? This week, which arts are you finding salvation in? Movies, music, television, funny book, new sexy toys. I want to hear it all. Share it.
This is what I am digging.
