J.J ABRAMS has APOLOGIZED for LENS FLARES. Self-Awareness++
Despite all my shit talking of Abrams (perhaps misguided because it’s the plot for STID that I so loathe), I’m excited for the dude to be doing Episode VII. So when he comes out and directly addresses his over use of lens flares, I can only get a bit more excited. Self-awareness? I’ll take it.
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Monday Morning Commute: Gravity has got a hold on us all
Welcome, friends. Welcome to Monday Morning Commute. The column where we announce (proudly?) the various things we’re going to enjoy across the next seven days. It’s an integral motion, you know. Enjoying things. Helps me personally get through ten hour work days. The calming influence that is having a movie-video-game-album-stroke-fest on the horizon.
Here are the subjects I shall be dabbling in.
Press Start: Micro-Transact My Dick
A vulgar response to a vulgar practice, right? No term sours my gaming experience more than ‘micro-transaction’: something about the idea of paying real money for virtual items just irks me. Call it an out dated, desperate grasp on the good ol’ days, or just plain xenophobia, but it’s an idea that I have real difficulty getting on board with. If solid old school mechanics taught me one thing, it’s that persistence and skill can overcome most hurdles, but very soon, the norm could become dropping a few sheckles to defeat that boss or snag that upgrade instead.
NBC developing ‘CONSTANTINE’ TV SERIES with the cruddy DAVID S. GOYER
Things that don’t excite me: David S. Goyer. Otherwise I’d be pretty jazzed about a Constantine television show. ProvidedhesfuckingBritishjesuschrist. ‘Cause you know what? The Garth Ennis run on Hellblazer is some of the finest fucking comic book writing I’ve ever consumed.
VALVE reveals STEAM CONTROLLER. DIE, ANALOG STICKS, DIE!
Valve ain’t fucking around, brolos! They’ve revealed their Steam Controller, and the son of a bitch is interesting. Ain’t got no analog sticks! Take that upside your conventional head. I’m intrigued.
MARTIN FREEMAN starring in ‘FARGO’ TV SERIES
Good news, Sherlockians! It appears that Benjamin Cumberbund isn’t going to be the only member of the show who is hideously over-exposed. Dildo Ballbaggins himself is going to be all over our telly in the Fargo small-screen adaptation. Me? I’m pretty excited for the endeavor, my snark put aside.
BILL GATES says CTRL-ALT-DELETE was a mistake. SHUT UP, BILL.
Bill Gates! The fuck!, bro? Shouldn’t you be taking pies to face and funding programs that turn human turds into beef patties or some shit? Not spitting such heresy about ctrl-alt-delete. That fucking combination was essential to my growing up as a Windows-cursing PC gamer. Where would I be without it?! Eh?!
DAN SLOTT and MIKE ALLRED planning something ‘RAD’ for MARVEL.
No seriously, that’s what the promo image says. Something rad. And in case you don’t know, mofuckin’ Silver Surfer’s last name is Radd. So like. Yeah. You do the non-literal math.
Hit the jump for the full teaser.
NASA’S CURIOSITY has FOUND F**KING WATER IN MARS’ SOIL
Yeah, boiii! Pull out your space-genitals of choice and slap them lightly to this news. NASA’s Curiosity Rover has found water (molecules) in the soil on Mars. Dope as fuck.
Cosplay: LADY CLOUD STRIFE makes my BUSTER SWORD bad pun et cetera
Been a hot minute since we had some cosplay up in here. (Been a hot minute since we had much of anything up in here, but hey what the fuck whatever.) Here is a glorious Lady Cloud. Not to be confused with regular Cloud, who my mother confused for a woman back in the day more than once.
