Monday Morning Commute: The Practicing of Pragmatic Hope
Hello, good friends! How is it going? Hope you’re staying healthy, hope you’re staying cool. There’s an absolute fucking monstrosity of a heat wave plastering the Northeast, and I’m realizing taking my daily two-mile walk was not the best idea. Said realization stemming from what can only be described as a scorched-ass feel from my unadorned cheeks. But, fuck! You know how it goes, dudes. I need my steps on the regular! Without a campus to canvas, it’s way too easily to let my pallid ass (a lot of me is tanned — my ass, and accompanying asshole? pale) fall into a sedentary lifestyle.
However, I’m paying the tab for it right now. A cruel mistress, nature happens to be. A beautiful one as well, though. What must be understood, what must be accepted, though — is she bargains with no one.
Anyways! Outside of a sun-raked skull-piece, I’m doing well. Today marks the true beginning of my pseudo-vacation. And dammit, I’m feeling better already. I’m sleeping, I’m more relaxed, Reality and All Its Horrors seem a bit more endurable. However, I don’t know if it’s disappointing to know that this isn’t how I always feel, you know? Like, this certainly isn’t my typical disposition. Or rather, my disposition during the middle of the semester. That said, at the same time? Perhaps I wouldn’t appreciate these moments of placidity if they were the norm. That said, at the same-same-same time? That’s probably the perspective the Endless Behemoth of Industry and Cultural Commands To Hustle To Death want me to fall for!
Eh, what the fuck can you do? Enjoy the moment, motherfuckers. It’s really all that’s promised our asses, anyways.
This is Monday Morning Commute!
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Best Of OL Plays: Can You Imagine Saying “I Love You” During Sex?
…I’d rather die during sex.
Fungus growing at Chernobyl could protect astronauts from Cosmic Rays. Like, what the fuck?
Friends! It appears the fucking flat-out disaster at Chernobyl might have some sort positive outcome. You see, motherfucking fungus growing there could protect astronauts! From goddamn cosmic rays! Which, you know, is cool and all. If you don’t want to gain Fantastic Four-like powers.
‘Avowed’ Trailer: After Obsidian went ‘Fallout’ now they’re going full ‘Skyrim’ and I’m here for it!
You know, I never thought much of Obsidian. Despite them making Fallout: New Vegas, which is beloved. However, they absolutely blew my tits off with The Outer World. Which means I’m completely down with Avowed, clearly their take on Skyrim. Here’s the trailer!
Weekend Open Bar: Stylin’ & Profilin’
Woo! It’s motherfucking vacation for me, baby! Well, almost. My summer class has concluded, which means that all I got across the next six weeks is the occasional work at the Writing Center. Woo! Woo! Drink in the musk of my euphoria, which will slowly burn off by early evening. I mean, I had to get up at 6:30 this morning. But, fuck it! Woo! Woo! Woo! It’s all good in this realm, baby! And, I hope you motherfuckers are ready to hang out this weekend!
Let’s pop on our robes, pop off our pants, and get to it, fellas! Stylin’! Profilin’! What are you beautiful fucks up to this weekend? Playing anything dope? Reading anything worthwhile? BBQing? It’s the time of times during the week when we all hang.
New York Times has dropped another story about how aliens are real. This timeline is wild, my friends.
The New York Times has dropped yet another story about how aliens are real, dudes. Like, just throwing it out there. Stories about “off-world vehicles” and shit like it’s no big deal. Tremendous.
Star Wars Rumor: There’s a Lando series starring Donald Glover coming to Disney Plus. We don’t deserve it, but fuck yes
Holy shit, please let this be true. Rumor has a Lando series coming to Disney+, starring none other than Donald Glover. Goddamn. Goddamn! All you fucks who wrote off Solo and never saw it, suck my ass! It was a forgettable, fun-as-hell popcorn flick, and Glover was the highlight.
Venus has dozens of active volcanoes, farting on the idea that its a dormant planet
Man! Here we were, so sure that Venus was a dormant planet. Nope. Nope! Quite the opposite. The son of a bitch has dozens of active volcanoes.
So These Are Comic Books (7.22.2020) – Stranger Things Have Happened
Jesus fucking Christ, friends! Is it really happening? Have I emerged from the mucus-covered womb of Oblivion? To resurrect the comic book column? Well, powder my scrotum and call me your baby boy! I have. I have! It’s been over four fucking years since I last babbled incoherently about the funny books! The sequential sweethearts! And in that time? Darkness! A pall over my comic book life. Like, no, seriously. I stepped foot in a comic book store for the first time in forever yesterday.
It was a glorious moment, not unlike Superman coming out of his Tomb-Thing, with a rich mullet and a black costume. At the same time? I have fucking no idea what’s going on in the world! Like, at all. So, that’s why I have CLEVERLY rebranded this column, to celebrate my reentry into this glorious world. So These Are Comic Books! Get it? No? Yes? Fuck you!
Seriously though, I need you fuckers to participate in this weekly New Comic Book Day column! Now, more than ever. ‘Cause let me tell you, I’m fucking clueless about the world these days.
Per usual, I’ll go first! But I hope to see you in the comments.
Here’s what I snagged this week.
NASA experiment shows that radishes could probably grow in Lunar soil. I fucking hate radishes, but this is…rad
Man! What the fuck we going to eat, when we’re living on the Moon? Well, according to this NASA experiment? Radishes! Grown in the lunar soil.
