So, despite my distaste for Kinect, I continue to chronicle the odd shit that the device is being co-opted to do. We’ve got lightsabers, and now we’ve got it being used to remotely control a robot. Oh good lord! Haven’t we all learned from Terminator? Next thing we know, this son of a bitch is going to go sentient, and then begin using the Kinect webcam to cyber robosex other mechanical non-organic beings.

It’s happening!

But no, seriously. Hit the jump to see Kinect as a means to remotely control a robot.

The apocalypse marches forward.

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Oh good lord, what the fuck is this bullshit. I thought I could comfortably throw my weight behind Zack Snyder to deliver a lighthearted, flashy Superman. Then I wake up today and everything doesn’t make sense and I found out he’s leaning towards making a 100% CGI Superman? What? What the fuck? Someone cockslap me, I want to wake up.

io9:

Movienewz is reporting that director Snyder, “has plans to rely heavily on CGI for the Man of Steel.” Which we can only imagine would mean Goode in the flesh for all of the Clark Kent shots, and some sort of Green Lantern-meets-Avatar CG nonsense when he’s kicking butt as the Man Of Steel.

Oh Jesus. Why would you do this? Aren’t we all burned out on Avatar-esque bullshit? Even assholes like me (listen, I fucking hate myself) who were totally wowie-kazowied over Avatar initially? Stop, don’t tell me anything else.

IGN:

We at IGN have been hearing talk of a CG-enhanced Superman as well. In fact, our sources claim that Snyder stopped by to meet with the effects folks behind Avatar recently to check out their techniques, which kind of/sort of suggests that he’s interested in Avatar-izing his Man of Steel.

I’m about to barf up the sixteen cans of Diet Mountain Dew I’ve pounded today. Maybe this shouldn’t surprise me. All of Snyder’s movies have relied on deep, thick, chunky amounts of CGI. Even Sucker Punch, which I’m sweating, is a computer generated wank fest. But to go 100% CGI for a Superman? Barf. Barfalicious. Fuck you, Frat Boy Rock. Haven’t you seen how assy the Green Lantern suit looks?

God dammit.

Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake? Fucking gross. Mind you, this isn’t coming from some hater of Marky Mark. I dig the dude. Boogie Nights? Check. I Heart Huckabees? Check. Meanwhile, roles of Nathan’s Dad and Uncle are being written into the movie. ‘Cause they sure ain’t in the game. The roles of Uncle and Father? DeNiro and Pesci. No, seriously.

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You may know something about me. I have a certain fetish. A latex fetish. So good lord. Good lord ever does this Jill Valentine cosplay speak to my primal drives. Namely the one in my pants. Actually, only the one in my pants. Gorgeous blond girl? Check. Video game reference? Check. Latex? Check.

Someone save me.

Hit the jump for a gallery of the pictures that may very well end my life.

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Hubble has found Mount Doom in space. Or at least that’s how the chaps at io9 are describing the Carina Nebula. Am I riding their title to fame and glory? Naw, probably just to infamy and derivation. How do you top a title like that? Hint: you can’t. They go on to quote the Hubble website’s explanation:

The NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope image, which is even more dramatic than fiction, captures the chaotic activity atop a pillar of gas and dust, three light-years tall, which is being eaten away by the brilliant light from nearby bright stars. The pillar is also being assaulted from within, as infant stars buried inside it fire off jets of gas that can be seen streaming from towering peaks.

This turbulent cosmic pinnacle lies within a tempestuous stellar nursery called the Carina Nebula, located 7500 light-years away in the southern constellation of Carina. The image celebrates the 20th anniversary of Hubble’s launch and deployment into an orbit around the Earth.

Gorgeous.

[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

At just about the same time that the battered son of Lieutenant Larry Buckley was regaining consciousness and Daryl Millar was returning home with the most important gift of his entire short life, 8-Bit was shooting ducks out of the sky.

In his darkened basement.

With a plastic gun.

That was hooked up to his Nintendo Entertainment System.

The game was Duck Hunt and without it 8-Bit would have had absolutely no idea what it means to exert control over another living being. The simulation allowed him to feel a sense of power, twirling the Light Gun on his finger like Eastwood in A Fistful of Dollars and blasting pixilated ducks out of the televised sky. Being shrugged off by almost everyone in his life, 8-Bit relied on Nintendo’s processing power to help convince him that there were instances in which he was empowered.

He was the big-bad-man with the motherfucking gun.

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Amazing, NFSW picture below the jump. I censor, because I want you to feel comfortable mindlessly refreshing us from your cubicles.

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This is Variant Covers. Keep your fucking fingers off the cover. Mind the spine, yo. The comic book column where I spit with vitriol, glee, and mostly confusion about the books dropping this week. Hit the comments section with derisive, witty, or contributory recommendations and comments.

Shazam.

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Thor: The Mighty Avenger #6
My friends, we have failed. As comic book reading collective, we have failed. Failed hard. Last weekend news leaked out that Thor: The Mighty Avenger was getting axed. This is nothing sort of a calamitous disregard for one of the most wondrous, beautiful mainstream titles hitting shelves. Canned, canned, canned. While other titles are hitting the shelves, depleted of quality, offering nothing new to existing mythos. I am significantly bummed out about this. Half of me wants to recommend nothing more than this title. A militant stance. But alas, there’s other worthwhile shit dropping, and that would be unfair to them.

But!, please, check this shit out tomorrow. The good news is that apparently they’ve been given the ability to wrap up the storyline by the final installment in January. You’re only six issues behind. It’ll cost you nothing more than something like twenty-four Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. It’s a refreshing take on an existing origin. The dialogue is great, the artwork is gorgeous. Both of these creators, Roger Langridge and Chris Samnee will assuredly continue on doing dope work somewhere else.

But still. Hit this while you can.

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Elsewhere In the Marvel Universe:
Thankfully, I don’t think we’re failing in regard to following Hickman’s current work on the Fantastic Four. Tomorrow sees the release of Fantastic Four #585, which promises to work towards the conclusion of the “Three” storyline. I have a good idea that someone is going to die. I think maybe the storyline’s name gives that away. Hickman’s continues Reed Richard’s desire to solve everything while grounding it with a thunderous round of heart and humor. Last month when Ben Grimm got his one-week of humanity back, and went to see Alicia? I teared up. I know, fuck me.

Also dropping is Captain America #612 which follows Bucky as he goes on trial for his crimes as the Winter Soldier. While I like the story, and generally everything Brubaker does, I’m wondering how long he’s going to examine Bucky’s guilt over his past. Fair enough it’s been introspective to this point, and now he’s dealing with the public outrage regarding it. As I said, I still dig it. And finally, Invincible Iron Man #32 promises to be a slobberknocker, as Iron Man throws down with Detroit Steel. Fraction penned action scenes being realized by Salvador Larroca? I’m there.

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My boy the Bonesaw pointed this shit in my direction. The Adidas x Star Wars sneakers for the Fall/Winter. The motherfuckin’ Super Death Star Stormtrooper! Oh good lord, my loins ache for these. Do they make them in a 15? Of course not. Fuck my bloated feet bones!

Hit the jump for a gallery of the Star Wars hotness that I can’t wear.

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So this is what Nintendo felt like they needed to trademark “It’s On Like Donkey Kong!” for? Outstanding. Yup. This is it. The best part about the advertisement is the next line. Where they urge everyone to hold onto our bananas. Well then! I’ll just grab my cock and get ready to play this shit!

It’s on!