Super Harmony! Superhero Online Dating Service FTW.
This video imagines what it would be like if you could use a dating service to hook-up with superheroes. I know what you’re thinking, fucking lame. Naw son! Or daughter. The video actually delivers. On an ancillary note, who would you make a rush for, if this shit existed?
I’m all about latex, so I’m thinking Black Widow. Or Sharon Carter.
Hit the jump for the video.
5 Comments »
New Arkham City Screens! The Joker and Cleavage!
Every batch of Arkham City screens features at least one image pimping some glorious cleavage or latex bound babe. This is crop is no exception, and I think we all know how pleased I am with it. Oh yeah, the Joker is in it too.
Hit the jump for some new looks at the bonerfying sequel to Asylum.
Source: Zack Snyder’s Superman Already Sucks.
I already have my reservations about Frat Boy Rock’s Superman, and there’s news coming out of the Grand Motion Machinery that’s only fueling them fears. Snyder was thought to be helming up the 300 sequel Xerxes, but he’s been pushed off of it in favor of Guy Ritchie. The reports are that he’s getting pushed off for two reasons; Sucker Punch ain’t tracking well, and more salient to this column, Superman needs all his attention.
Variant Covers: Hot Soccer Moms and School Girls.
Thank goodness it’s almost Wednesday. The weekly grind demands a brief respite, and on that third day of every week comic books come to the fucking rescue. This is Variant Covers. Inside you’ll find the comic books dropping tomorrow that I’m interested in.
Opinionated? You’re on the internet so you fucking must be. Hit the comments section with the funnies you plan on snagging this week.
—-
Jennifer Blood #1.
Jenny Blood is a new comic dropping tomorrow by Garth Ennis and Adriano Batista. The premise? Something fittingly Ennis. Blood is a suburban housewife by day. She feeds the kids, takes them to soccer, cooks them dinner. But by night! Oh you knew this was coming. But by night, she’s a totally elite assassin. In a latex get-up, which is always, always, always a good thing to me.
There was a time when Garth Ennis was my fucking idol. Between Preacher, Hitman, and his take on the Punisher, the good man owned my soul. Over time, I’ve grown less and less enthused with his efforts. While some people may find it heretical to say, I got tired of The Boys. I get it, I get it. A vulgar deconstruction of superhero motifs. Like I said, I probably just pissed a good amount of people off. I’m hoping that Jennifer Blood can rekindle my love affair.
If it’s nothing more than a female twist on the Punisher, I’d be fine with that. Perhaps my time away from the Ennis bag of tricks has been enough to recuperate my love for him.
—-
S.H.I.E.L.D. #6.
The first volume of Marvel’s most mindrapingly fantastic title concludes tomorrow. It is, without doubt, going to be my title of the week. Hickman and Weaver’s panel-smashing, contemporary narrative structure-defying, philosophically curious title has been nothing less than the fucking belle of my pull list ball since it started. This week we get the epic battle between Leonard Da Vinci and his free spirits versus Isaac Newton and his Hobbesian belief that mankind must be corralled. I think these motherfuckers are going to come to blows.
Hickman has been nothing short of brilliant to me in everything that I read of his. His killing of a member of the Fantastic Four? Had this guy in tears. His exploration of ideologies and the fictionalization of historical figures in S.H.I.E.L.D. has been something special. It isn’t a question of whether or not the sixth issue will be fantastic, but if the second volume can possibly top this first arc.
—-
Morning Glories Trade #1.
I have not read Morning Glories yet. However, I have only heard wondrous things regarding the title written by Nick Spencer and drawn by Joe Eisma. In fact, the buzz was so good that it drove me to pick up Spencer’s newest title, Infinite Vacation. Conclusion from reading that title? Spencer can fucking pen, yo! I’m not certain what Morning Glories is about. There’s been a concerted effort made by myself to stay away from any plot synopses, because I’ve read there’s a mystery afoot in the title.
Basic plot summary from various sites is, “Morning Glory Academy is one of the most prestigious prep schools in the country, but something sinister and deadly lurks behind its walls.” It doesn’t sound amazing, does it? Probably why I passed on it the first time. Do these copywriters realize people make financial decisions based on their bland fucking description of something that could be fantastic? Doesn’t seem that way.
I’m there.
—-
Phil Plait: There’s No Proof of A Giant Ninth Planet.
If you’re an astronomy geek like myself, Phil Plait is the man. His blog Bad Astronomy features daily space porn, and more than that, it features dissections and explanations of said space porn. When I mentioned the possible ninth planet Tyche a couple of days ago, I used the disclaimer, “I’m telling you to take everything I’m about to blather about as more than likely science fiction.”
According to Phil Plait, I’m probably right.
Brian Wood’s DMZ Makes My Tits Hard.
I figured I’d throw together a couple unintelligent sentences regarding Brian Wood’s DMZ. I’ve been burning through the trade paperbacks in an effort to catch the conclusion as it drops onto stands this year. It’s been an addictive rush through a crumbling reality for the main protagonist. But no less addictive. Wood gives the world Matty Roth, and like a variety of other main protagonists I’ve fallen in love with, the dude is immensely flawed. Starting off as a young idealistic journalist thrust in way over his head, I’ve been given the privilege of watching him make one poor decision after the next.
Brian Wood doesn’t fucking flinch.
Trapped Chilean Miners Requested Sex Dolls, Porn, and Drugs. Makes Sense.
There’s thirty-three dudes stuck down in the middle of the Earth for a couple of months. Stuck down there in the miserable darkness with one another, not sure when they’re going to get out. Of course these men have some requests. And of course these requests consist of drugs, sex dolls, and porn. You’re stuck down there for months, you need to actualize some basic needs, right? With plastic dolls!
Thankfully, these requests were met. For the most part. While the drugs and the porn was smuggled down to these poor dudes, the request for sex dolls was denied. Why? Well apparently they could only drudge up ten sex dolls, and we know how men handle sharing women. For all our bluster, we’re a jealous sort. The doc denied “the men’s request for sex dolls …because [he] was afraid jealousy could spread after only 10, rather than 33, dolls were found.”
How the fuck can only ten sex dolls be found? These men are trapped! Goodness gracious.
What I don’t get is why they just throw their typical definition of heterosexual tendencies to the wind. Right? I’m not up to speed on Chilean definitions of heterosexual normativity, but clearly there must be escape clauses for when you’re trapped underground for months. I mean, we exempt everyone when it comes to the army barracks or prison around here in the Empire. I’m sure we’d float the pass when it comes to being stuck in a mine.
All the guys are already tripping on drugs and hammering out loads next to one another, why didn’t they just lend an orifice or two?
Just saying.
Via.
Is This The First Set Shot From The Dark Knight Rises?
[Note: I wrote this up last night, thought it was too sensationalist, and then discarded it. But then legit places starting pimping it, and if they do, why shouldn’t hits-needy places like OL be a whore as well? Lesson learned: always be a whore.]
Fair warning: The Brother Omega have a aching purple priapism for the forthcoming third Batman flick by Christopher Nolan. It rages within our collective pants, beating against the confines of cotton and denim and zippers. So if you can’t hang with that, you’re going to be doing a lot of scrolling in the next fifteen months or so.
I’m going to be fapping over everything. Like this: a purported first set shot from the film. Shit doesn’t even have to be confirmed for me to get excited about it. This possibly, maybe, could be, a set picture. The elaboration on the origination of this possible picture comes from Nolan Fans:
A photo popped up on the JoBlo forums today of what appears to be the set for Arkham Asylum in The Dark Knight Rises. The poster says, “my good mate who is working on set at cardington where it’s being shot sent me this.” Not quite sure how legit this is, but we’re figured it’s worth a share. Perhaps it’s just a left over set from Batman Begins?
Hit the jump to see the whole thing.
Monday Morning Commute: Continue to CRUSH IT!
This time next week, I’ll be on vacation. I’m hopping on the first shuttle out of Hoth and heading towards the glorious Cloud City. Once there, I plan on drinking forties with Lando and crusin’ the skies with Lobot. To top it all off, my babe’s going to be accompanying me, providing the Leia necessary to complete my Han Solo fantasy.
As long as I don’t wind up frozen in carbonite, it’s going to be a good time.
Unfortunately, this week is going to see me wading knee-deep in work-caca. So until first transport is AWAY!, I’m going to keep my mind pacified with all sortsa goodies. Check out what I’ll be doing this week, then hit up the comments and tell me what you’ll use to pass the (space)time(continuum).
–-
Rockin’ / Devin Townsend Project – LIVE EP (Free)
[obtain]
Rumor: Dude Behind “Eagle Eye” To Direct Preacher? Saint of Killers Save Us.
Preacher is a monolith which shouldn’t be touched in various other mediums. Talk of attempting to adapt it into anything, especially a film, is an adequate way to have me doubling my daily prescribed intake of antipsychotics. The current news about who may be directing it is just increasing this anxiety within the rattled halls of my rotting brainstem.
Currently rumored? The fucking guy who directed Eagle Eye, DJ Caruso.
