Game of Thrones: A Golden Crown
So long, Viserys. I’m glad to see that in the end you finally got that crown you were constantly whining about. You have to admit though, Viserys went from being a total prick when we first met him to just plain pathetic right before they pour gold all over his head. I wouldn’t call it tragic, but he’s been told since he was five years old that the he would be king – a “dragon.” Watching a crowd chant the name of his sister’s unborn prince – Rhaego – was his tipping point. Ah, well. The crowning scene was beautifully brutal nonetheless.
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‘Modern Warfare 3′ Gameplay Trailer Is Here. Fuggin’ Aye.
At this point it should be obvious that I’m an unabashed Call of Duty slut. I’ll spread my legs for Infinity Ward, Treyarch, it doesn’t matter. So without exaggeration, this trailer made my nipples hard.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Monday Morning Commute: Alien AutoSpy
The American Dream walks among us and we don’t recognize him. He’s not a weepy bootlegger, changing his name and spying on his babe from across Long Island Sound. And he’s not some punk-ass kid running away from Pencey Prep, hoping to bang broads in the big city and failing miserably. And he sure as hell isn’t some over-the-hill salesman who’s hopin’ that his suicide will save his family.
This is the fuckin’ future, so let’s pay it some damn respect. The American Dream is digital – aspirations have been converted to ones and zeros. The collective consciousness is uploaded and downloaded, torrented with the assistance of an Electrical Storm Zeitgeist.
You’re reading MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, the weekly post where I jabber pseudo-philosophy at you and then show you what I’ll be doing during the week. We all know the drill – the workweek sucks, so let’s find some refuge in the shit that makes us happy. After I detail my plans, you hit up the comments section and share yours. And thus, a dialogue is born.
Let’s do this.
Sony’s PSN Hacking Will Run Them A Cool $171 Million.
Sony’s having a rough fucking go of it this year. Latest case in point: the PSN calamity which has kept may a dork aflutter with video game website news is going to cost them $171 million.
Jupiter’s Moon Io Has Active, Grumpy Sulfur Volcanoes.
The Penguin In ‘Arkham City’ Is The D-Bag You Know and Love (?).
Rocksteady Studios has dropped their rendition and interpretation of The Penguin from Arkham City on our asses, and it’s the same character we’ve come to know throughout years of Bat lore.
Face of a Franchise: Betty Ross
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
The Incredible Hulk is one of the most venerated comics characters of all-time, and rightfully so. In one way or another, can’t we all sympathize with the plight of Bruce Banner? A repressed weakling, Banner occasionally allows his frustrations to get the best of him. And when they do, the dude turns into a giant green rage-monster and starts beating the shit out of everything in sight.
Maybe the guy just needs to get laid.
So who’s Banner’s lady of choice? Well it’s Betty Ross, daughter of arch-nemesis General Thaddeus Ross (oh, how naughty!). While countless artists have penciled Betty over the years, she’s most recently been portrayed by two smokin’ Hollywood babes.
In 2003’s Hulk, Betty Ross was played by Jennifer Connelly. The movie was a damn disaster (a movie based on the Hulk should never try to be a psychological thriller) but Connelly was damn gorgeous. Truthfully, I can’t really recall how her acting was in the flick, but she won an Academy Award for her role in Crazy Math-Guy so I’ll assume she rocked.
About five years later, Liv Tyler took the reins for The Incredible Hulk. Tyler, having proven her worth as a half-elf, was more than ready to play Banner’s beauty. This movie was definitely a step in the right direction, and I think it’s fair to give Steven Tyler’s daughter some of the credit.
So, who’s the real Betty Ross? Jennifer Connelly or Liv Tyler?
Friday Brew Review – Milk Stout
Say what you will about his latest exploits, but I believe that the good Arnold Schwarzenegger has done for the world far outweighs the bad. First, he pushed the limits of the human physique (albeit with steroids), proving that science can even be used to improve the doughy mounds of flesh that we call our bodies. Then Arnie took it upon himself to redefine action movies. Hell, just think of all the great Schwarzenegger flicks – The Terminator, Predator, Total Recall, Conan the Barbarian, Kindergarten Cop, True Lies, and so many more.
Space Station Omega: Press Pause!
Hello! How are you? This week marked the end of my longest fucking semester ever, and I’m burnt like a mo’fuckah. You may have noticed the updates around these parts growing thinner and thinner as the winter turned into spring. This was in direct correlation with the workload I had on campus, the frying of my synapses, and the amount of tears I wept into my pillow as my boy-parts shriveled and decayed under constant duress. Shit culminated this week in the absence of an edition of Variant Covers, and for that I apologize.
I’m done though, fucking done! So I’m shutting my brain down for the weekend, starting now, and you’ll have to make due without me. I know it won’t be hard, I’ve barely been here anyways. So no Press Start!, and unless something calamitious or outstanding happens, I’m drinking Diet Mountain Dews and watching television until I shit and piss myself with glee.
Shit will be back to normal on Monday, and I wish you all a flushing of your genitals until we meet again.
[Coops or Rendar may be bringing their fury this weekend, I’m not sure. If they shall, you will be blessed, for they are my far superiors.]
