A new column has arrived, brought to you in part by my unslakable lust for talented people.
I bet you didn’t know this, but I’m a huge polygamist. Not the creepy Mormon kind, but the “holy shit there are too many attractive people that I want to bang for me to even think about being monogamous” kind. You see, I have about 27 celebrity husbands and 15 or 16 celebrity wives, and I’ve been gathering my famous spouses like beanie babies since, oh, 2001. I am married to 43 people. 43, you fuckers. It’s a big list, one that has been in flux since the start. Oh, I have my fixed 10, and they will remain in their spots on the list until the day I die and take my rightful place on the throne of Hell, but I’m constantly marrying and divorcing other people like it’s my job.
And guess what? Every Thursday, you’ll get to learn about 1 or 2 of them. Prepare yourself for Cinematic Polyamory, or “R.C.’s ovaries explode so often that the frequency can’t be textually rendered”. This post is a little late, as I spent last night stuffing my face at a fundraiser dinner, so apologies for cluttering up the Friday dashboard.
But why don’t we begin this ridiculousness with my number ones?
Keep Reading »
Image Comics Publisher Eric Stephenson: A Title Selling Out Isn’t A Good Thing
Eric Stephenson is the publisher for Image Comics, who are the hottest mainstream comics company in my eyes. Stephenson spoke out recently about the “success” of titles of theirs such as Saga selling out at comic book stores. He definitely dapped it up with those titles, but also pointed something out: selling out sort of sucks.
‘TWINS’ Sequel ‘TRIPLETS’ In Works. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito…And Eddie Murphy. The F**k.
The Schwarzenegger and DeVito jam Twins is a warm fuzzy memory from my childhood. Like almost all the other films from my childhood that were fuzzy memories, Hollywood now seems intent on plopping a dollop of feces right upon it.
China’s URINE-BOILED EGGS Push My Multicultural Understanding
I think I’m a pretty open-minded dude. Peace, love, and respect of one another’s cultures, man. Or at least I thought I was. ‘Cause now I’m staring at a batch of a Chinese delicacy and wondering just what the fuck in tarnation is going on here. Urine-boiled eggs, also referred to as Virgin Boy Eggs. Wut.
‘ASSASSIN’S CREED 3’ Pre-Orders Setting Records. The Groan Of The Marketing Machine
The marketing machine for Assassin’s Creed 3 is vomiting out press release, commercial, and info at obscene rates. Ubisoft is shoving it down our gullets and gleefully clapping as it falls out our ass, half-chewed. All of this nonsense is paying dividends for the swine.
Warner Bros. Reveals ‘MAN OF STEEL’ BANNER. Kneel Before Something…Such.
Goddamn Warner Bros. getting me up off the comforts of my couch far past when I want to be vomiting to you. They went and dropped the banner for the upcoming Zack Snyder Vomitfest Superman Reboot, Man of Steel. Yeah, it’s okay or something. I’m going back to my cold Diet Dew and the sporting events.
New Pics Of Robert Pattinson, Paul Giamatti And Juliette Binoche In Cronenberg’s ‘COSMOPOLIS’. I’m Ready.
I can’t wait for Cronenberg’s next effort Cosmopolis. 2012 could be accurately describe as “the year Caff-Pow become utterly insane with butt-lust for Carpenter and Cronenberg”, and these pictures have me taping my TV controller to my head and screaming “Long live the new flesh!” while the neighbors gaze in horror into my yard.
Physicists Add 11 Colors To The Rainbow By Ripping Apart Atoms.
They’re fucking up my box of crayons! Physicists have dared defy the contents of making a children’s room and my underwater unicorn dungeon by generating eleven new hues.
