Kevin Smith Wants To Do ‘CLERKS 3’ As A Play? C’mon No Dude Please No.
Clerks 2 felt like a hot wet dump on my soul. Having grown up muttering the lines to the original to myself for hours, I don’t know what I expected. I wasn’t even opposed to it in theory. I should have been. It looks like I’ll be getting another drizzling of butt syrup, if Kevin Smith backs up this noise.
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‘STEP UP REVOLUTION’ TRAILER: Miami Boner Jams Meet #Occupy
You’re unlikely to see a more amazing thing today. Behold the trailer for Step Up Revolution, something so chuck full of insanity that I wish I was there snorting the drugs and krumping to Pitbull while they wrote this script. It’s so, so, so goddamn horrible. I need it.
‘THE AVENGERS’ TV SPOTS: Dong Measuring Contest Between Loki and Stark
The Avengers got itself a couple of new TV spots. One in Brazilian, one in Dialect of the Empire flavor! Both of them have Tony Stark and Loki measuring each other’s proverbial hog, leading into the now famous “We have a Hulk” line.
Original ‘PRINCE OF PERSIA’ Source Code Found…In Dad’s Closet
Jordan Mechner is the lad who set the ball rolling that eventually resulted in Jake Gyllenhaal running around shirtless in that awful Prince of Persia movie. It must chilling, watching your work of art used for evil. Mechner hadn’t had his hands on the code that launched a thousand promos of Gyllenhaal’s HGH-fueled pectoral muscles for a decade, but now that’s changed. His dad checked his closet.
Popular Game Box Art Done Up As ADULT MOVIE PARODIES. Clever/Not Clever Amusement.
Here’s an ass load (probably a pun in this context) of video games’ box art done up as porn parodies. I can’t tell if the cheesy almost groan-worthy titles are on the creator’s part, or they’re simply fulfilling the non-clever-but-amusing porn title manifesto. Analo? Really? Sounds…silly (send me a copy). The whole thing is validated by the Samus In Latex cover.
Face of a Franchise: The Hulk!
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
The Hulk is a pretty easy character to support. I mean, seriously, what’s not to love? Is it the fact that the dude is a research scientist hoping to improve the state of the world? Could it be the tremendous lengths he goes to while trying to win over the love of his life? Maybe it’s his incredible aversion to violence, the reticent willingness to engage in fisticuffs only as an absolute last resort?
Or perhaps it’s the fact that when the Hulk gets pissed off and push comes to shove, he fucking smashes.
Despite the general consensus about big green bastard’s appeal, a debate arises when discussing those depictions outside of the paneled page. Old school Banner-believers may cite the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno tagteam from The Incredible Hulk series as being the definitive portrayal. On the other hand, the more rabid fanboy-augurs amongst us are already claiming that the best Hulk-performance will be found in Mark Ruffalo. There’s no denyin’ that all three of these actors deserve recognition for their contributions to the superheroic Jekyll & Hyde mythos.
But when it comes to live-action dramatizations of the triple threat match between Banner’s id, ego, and super-ego, two actors stand above the rest.
In 2003’s Hulk, Eric Bana used his supreme thespian skills to conjure up an image of a brutish, mentally-deficient being with enormous muscles. And that was just his take on Banner! Zing! Seriously though, the Aussie-actor guides the audience through a vision of the Hulk that must navigate his way through a whole mess of psychological pitfalls, including inferiority issues, Oedipal complexes, and the volatility of suppressed rage. Bana paints a portrait of the green goliath that uses both the broad strokes of intense violence as well as the subtle strokes of a shattered psyche.
Five years later, Edward Norton got the chance to bring the breaker of worlds to life in The Incredible Hulk. Somewhere in between a sequel and a reboot, this film tries to give fans exactly what they love about the character. Banner’s on the run, Betty Ross is lookin’ dope as hell, Thunderbolt Ross is bein’ a pain in the proverbial emerald ass, and there’s another monster for the Hulk to fight. Eddie Norton fit particularly well, as he looked the part of the scrawny science nerd but carried himself with the intensity of a man trying to iron out emotional wrinkles of the most brutal sort. Additionally, most fans agree that this second feature-length attempted was more successful than the first…but how much of that can be attributed to Norton?
This is a tricky one. Australia vs. America. Nero vs. The Narrator.
So who’s the best Hulk? Eric Bana or Edward Norton?
‘HUNGER GAMES’ Propaganda Posters Are Tongue-In-Cheek Time.
Here’s a whole slew of propaganda posters for Hunger Games by Caldwell Tanner and Nathan Yaffe. That’s it. Don’t really have much more to say about the bunch. They’re amusing. Does that work?
Video: Re-Illuminating A Light Bulb That Was Buried For 100 Years. Edison Smiles.
Thomas Edison is high-fiving Jimi Hendrix in Hell. Just recently GE dug up a time capsule that had some light bulbs in them, and found that three of them were in working condition. This video is the crazy bastards lighting up one of them after a century. No word on what they did with the dessicated corpse of Edison and the Illuminati Jewel he held in his rigid skeleton hands, though.
Press Start: PlayStation 4 Will Finger Bang Your Optic Nerves
Well dang! It’s been a minute since I butt cheek titty fucked this particular column. Press Start! Column where we chat up the weekly happenings in the gaming world. I’ve been busy, okay? The sculpture of Casey Hudson I’ve been crafting made out of my own excrement and sticking pins into to punish him for Mass Effect 3’s ending won’t make itself. Lots of chicken finger plates. Lots of bowel movements. Lots of fun! What matters is that I’m here now. We’re all snuggled up, don’t sniff my fingers, and I’m about to rattle off five things that caught my eyes this week. Don’t see something you dug on the list? Good, this little community doesn’t work without your input. Let’s jam.
‘CAPTAIN AMERICA 2’ Potential Directors Down To Four. Keep The Machine Going!
Marvel has this thing they do, where if there’s a moderately enjoyable film of theirs, they manage to squeeze the director out of the chair. This is in contrast to paying them what they deserve, or giving them the control they probably earned. Captain America 2 is getting going, and the director who made the flick isn’t even on the potential list of minds to helm the sequel.
