Somehow. Some fucking how, Obsidian has raised nearly $4 million on Kickstarter. Color me flummoxed. All I know the good folks over there at that gaming company for is shitting out sequels to cherished games.

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The Xbox dashboard update is rolling out today, dropping a variety of features it should already be…featuring? You’re going to get an Internet Explorer up in the house, and much, much more! Or something.

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Sweet crap. Tasty, honeyed crap. BioShock Infinite keeps shedding developers like woah. Can’t even come close to keeping them in tow. They’ve lost two more on top of the already plagued procession that is this game’s development.

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Have I already written an intro where I apologise for it being a ‘quiet news week’ and then try to make light of the situation and appear witty and insightful by pretending that I know lots about the video game industry? I have? Damn. Well, somehow the games industry has managed to stay quiet throughout NYCC. Go figure. The nether realm is upon us and reality has collapsed into itself. I don’t believe in anything any more.

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Sometimes it’s quite difficult to come up with amusing and witty quips for these intros. Well, it is if you’re me, anyway. So, in the absence of comedy and wit, here are some suggestions for amusing accents that you can use whilst you read this week’s Press Start in your head:

-Stoic Japanese Samurai
-Hollering Redneck
-Swedish Chef
– Disgruntled Pierce Brosnan
– Aroused Patrick Stewart

Now, on with the video games.

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Whether it be good or bad, Resident Evil 6 is getting written about and talked about a whole lot. Every gaming website seems to be running a ‘best bit of a bad game feature’ or a condescending guide on how you’re playing it wrong, all just to keep that sweet advertising revenue rolling in and make sure they avoid another Jeff Gerstmann situation. That said, review scores have hardly been kind to the latest installment of the Resident Evil series and it isn’t hard to see why. Keep Reading »

This is a fucking treat. Caleb Mendoza is the winner of some sort of Dead Space 3 contest, and the weapon he designed is going to be up in the game. It’s a cute little reference, Caleb. Though, not what I would have chosen. I would have designed some sort of head-splitting cock rocket that Isaac channeled through his suit’s internal energy pack and out of his hog. Directly out of his hog. It would have been magic.

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This is a bit shocking to me. Folks, there has been a separation of unfathomable gaming magnitude. I never thought I’d see the day that Dude Huge would leave Epic Games. Dude went together with them like Miyamoto and Nintendo, Kojima and Konami. Up is down, left is right. Dorks with really honest replicas of Lancers are unknowing who to get to sign them. This is pandemonium.

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I have to admit. I’m not really sold on Ouya being real. Seems way too cool. The minds behind the “product” continue to defy my skepticism, all naming chairmen and shit! Fooey! We will see who shall have the last laugh. Probably God, actually. Cackling right at the Heat Death of the Universe.

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Confession time: I missed last week’s article for three incredibly valid reasons.

1. Borderlands 2
2. A stealth hangover (seriously did not see the bastard coming)
3. Hernia

OK, I possibly invented the third one, but still one and two are still pretty solid. Now, do you see the validity? Absorb it. Forgive me and then let’s move on. I’m about to hit you with such an incredibly powerful fistful of gaming news and titillation that you’ll wish I’d finally eaten myself into that early grave.

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