#Video Games
Press Start: Dew n’ Dorito Nightmare
All week I’ve been vividly imagining the symbiotic relationship between Mountain Dew and Doritos whilst trying to figure out just how video games fit into it. Cross-promotion is a bizarre concept to me; I keep trying to see the links, the patterns and then I get scared and frustrated when it doesn’t all piece together. I’ve been having fevered nightmares about neon, corn-peppered shit slurry: really vivid, nasty stuff. I need to write this to exorcise them demons.
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New ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ artwork is all ‘Vamonos pest!’
When you’re dying of starvation, you’ll take sort of sustenance. Here is a little, little morsel from Grand Theft Auto V. The roof is going to be blown off this fucker in the next issue of Game Informer, so stay strong. Chew this slowly.
‘HALO 4’ GAMEPLAY TRAILER: What is old is new again?
Maybe it’s because I’ve taken a few years off from the franchise, coupled with a new dev team, but I’m fucking excited for Halo 4. Am I the only one? Who doesn’t want to dress their significant other up as Cortana and rub maple syrup over their boobs or balls? I mean, really? How does that tie into the trailer? Shut up.
Destruction of one small ship in EVE ONLINE costs dude $6,000 in cargo. G’damn.
This is one of the reasons I couldn’t play EVE Online. Some dude was making the Kessel Run or some shit with a ridiculous amount of cargo when his shit got vaporized. Cost him mofuckin’ $6,000 in cargo. I would suffer something very close to a nervous collapse if this shit happened to me.
‘HALO 4’ Live Action Launch Trailer: You believe a Chief can go Vader
Fuck yeah. I don’t give Halo much thought, but I’ve been interested in seeing what 343 Industries can bring to the franchise. If anything, their rocking out on Halo 4 has brought this gorgeous live action trailer into the fold. Produced by David “I love male bonding flicks” Fincher, it’s a look into a piece of Master Chief lore.
PETER MOLYNEUX quit his company because of a parody Twitter acount. Future ++
Good news, folks. If a creator you either particularly like or disdain has erred, you can help them. If they have spiraled into a fatal descent of bloated promises, you can help pop their delusional packaging and drag them into reality. All you need to do is create a Twitter account and relentlessly savage them.
Press Start: Buddhist Multiplayer Shooter
I’m not playing around with silly accents, half-assed attempts at comedy and protracted self-deprecation this week. Hell no: I’m injecting this fact-stream straight into your cerebral cortex, just like you were Motoko Kusanagi. We’re all in the machine now and you need a games news hyperderm. I’m gonna give it to ya.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ TRAILER: The Beast of America is a glorious breed.
More Sunday goodies! If this trailer for BioShock Infinite is any indication, we ain’t got anything to worry about. The game will dominate in typical Levine fashion. And I mean, whenever has a trailer duped us?
PSP VITA selling slower than the Dreamcast. OOPH.
Ain’t this a bitch. The Dreamcast was a hell of a system for a select few of us, but it certainly didn’t sell well. Fuck, it ended Sega’s participation in the console wars. So when word comes that the PSP Vita is selling slower than it? G’damn.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Collector’s Editions revealed. But what if it sucks?
Yeah, I went there. As much as I want to be hyped for the fucking BioShock Infinite Omega Level editions, I can’t get there. People are leaving that game’s development team like it’s a flame-covered donkey ride in the middle of the ocean. What is that, exactly? Fuck you! I don’t know. Anyways, so yeah. Buy these. At your own risk.
