Directed by Twilight Zone veteran Ted Post and written by schlock scribe Abe Polsky, The Baby is a standout of ’70s unhinged depravity. I saw it for the first time last year through Cinemageddon, an obscure movie lover’s wet dream website. Last week, schlock film distributors extraordinaires Severin Films announced that they will be rereleasing The Baby. It was originally released on DVD in 2005. I’m not sure of the quality of that one, but judging from Severin’s treatment of Psychomania and Hardware, The Baby is going to get the primo-fucking release it deserves. Trust me when I say you’ve never seen anything like it.

It’s not gory or sexually explicit. It didn’t push the limits of the film censors. And, surprisingly, it’s not the film’s premise that shocks. The sight of a 30-year-old man dressed and acting like a baby seems to shock very little people – even in the film. For me, it’s the twist at the end that left me open-mouthed as well as the well-executed ingredients sprinkled over this exploitation romp.

Keep Reading »

Every Tuesday I post a section of my novella DEFEAT. While I think the readership of OL would be interested in a science fictional tale guaranteed to end with the hero killing himself at the nexus of his reality, I know that there’s skepticism about the value of any fiction appearing on the `net. Whatevs, bro!

However, every episode of DEFEAT. is accompanied by a piece of gorgeous art by my pal Brian Galiano. I’ve given him free reign to do whatever he wants – every Tuesday I just check my email – and the results have been fantastic.

Hit the jump to check out all of the art that Bri has submitted thus far!

Keep Reading »

I’m just a fan.

That’s the truth of it. Maybe you already know this. But as I said, that’s the truth of it. I don’t know if it’s a bad thing, or if it’s a good thing. To aspire to be nothing more than a fan. At this point in my life, at this point in the site’s life, maybe it isn’t even worth reflecting upon.

I’m just a fan.

Keep Reading »

Today, it’s my birthday. Twenty-eight years spent spinning along with this blue marble. Twenty-eight years of good memories, and entropy. Can’t defy the laws, I have it under good authority the Universe can’t even trip the life immortal. Oh well, so it goes. A fantastic twenty-eight years.

My birthday is not impressive. I am a dot on a blip on a relativistic scale. As someone who thinks on a far more cosmic scale, I’ve found myself thinking bigger. Larger. Over the holidays, I started thinking about the upcoming New Year, my upcoming birthday. I began mulling over the simple, obvious, yet entertaining notion: what exactly is a year?

Not in the sense of memories, or moments cobbled together in the illusory concept of self-experience and identity. But rather, what exactly is a year?

Keep Reading »

Welcome to the first Cage Match of 2011, dear readers. Last week we posted two days late due to the holidays and stomach flu, but the tides of Nicolas are now calm and we’re back on schedule. If I look like I’m glowing this week, it’s because Season of the Witch comes out this Friday! I haven’t experienced Cage on the big screen since his turn as Big Daddy in Kick Ass, so I’m stoked. January releases almost certainly suck, but I love Cage and the Black Death so look for my review on Friday!

The majority of the news this week concerns Season of the Witch, but being a Cage bloodhound I managed to find some other nuggets, including the streaming of a forgotten Cage gem on Netflix. Let’s do this damn thing.

AP Talks Season of the Witch With Cage; His Horse’s Name Was Dali

Cage recently sat down with AP and talked about some of his horse training for Season of the Witch. Just like his during his interviews for Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Cage says that he’s been waiting to play this role since he was a boy. First he dreamed of shooting plasma out of his hands now he says he dreamed of being a knight. I kid, I bet he did.

Cage makes it point to say that his horse on Season of the Witch was named Dali, like Salvador. Because when he first said it I thought “Dolly” which is the name of his right testicle. Only hardcore fans know that.

Keep Reading »

From 1971 until about 1979, Blaxploitation was enormous. At one time there was something like 3,000 movie theaters in the U.S. that played exclusively Blaxploitation films. Film movements like that just don’t exist anymore. Blaxploitation played off of white stereotypes of blacks, sometimes, unfortunately, reinforcing them. Film critic Ryan Diduck once explained Blaxploitation really well when he called it “empowerment through an overturned representation of long-established agency limitations for black men.”

I thought of revisiting Boss Nigger yesterday when Rendar mentioned how he was in the mood for westerns after seeing True Grit. I’m not a huge fan of the genre by any means – far too many of the “classics” are racist toward Native Americans and I don’t play that –   but Blaxploitation I do know so this popped into my mind. Hit the jump to read more about a unique film that packs more than a controversial title!

Keep Reading »

When you’re an internet addict like myself, the end of the year is fucking stifling. Ain’t nothing going on! Everyone is off. Everyone is merry. But what is someone like me supposed to do? When I refresh the pages, there isn’t a magical assortment of news stories to digest and regurgitate? It’s confounding. Here’s some bullshit worth checking it to get you through the lull.

—-

….TO THE FUTURE!
“Screenshots, teasers and minuscule titbits are my bread and butter — I’m a man who enjoys the chase. The build-up is better than the act, so they say. Anyway, enough with this poorly masqueraded sexual innuendo, let’s get on with my most anticipated games of 2011.”

—-

The Bloglin’s Best of 2010: The Top 20 Movies
Over at Mishka, our own Cooper takes a look at the top twenty flicks of the year. Numerical ordering and debates a-go-go!

—-

Don’t send bugs to Mars
“A plan to send live microbes to the Red Planet’s largest moon risks wrecking our search for extraterrestrial life, argues Barry E. DiGregorio.”

Keep Reading »

File under: shit I didn’t know. To be fair, that file is enormous. According to io9, around the time that McQuarrie was dropping the concept art for Star Wars that us geeks have jacked it to for years, he was designing some Trek concept sheezy too. The concept art is for a Trek movie that never got off the ground, Star Trek: Planet of the Titans. However flawed the scripts may have been, the artwork is fucking gorgeous. And familiar. Very familiar. There’s some super-Star Wars overtones running throughout, but that’s pretty win-win, no?

Keep Reading »

Without equivocation, 2010 was the best year of my life. What happened in it exactly? Well, nothing. For someone who spent his twenties in an insanely turbulent mess of depression, virginity, addiction, and social reclusion, I’ll take quiet. 2010 was the culmination of getting my shit together in the past two years. Do you like sports metaphors?

I blew my psychological knee out in 2008. The powers that be sent me to a wonderful place with fifteen-minute checks and people who were kind but would tackle you, should you make a break for it. Consider that reconstructive surgery. Last year was my first season playing on the new knee. Internally, this knee was glorious. Cleaner than it had ever been. But I was still learning to play the game again. To trust the knee. This year? It’s been the second of two quiet years, and I love every fucking minute of it.

At some point this year I noticed that I was genuinely happy to exist. To know how I was the prior seven years is to know how remarkable this was. Like a cough that wasn’t fucking there anymore, it took time to realize. Oh shit! I thought to myself. This is it, this is the fucking real deal. I’m happy to be alive! I stuck it in my mind and walked around with it. Like a toy that I didn’t want anyone else to know I had. Happiness. It was there in my fucking belly.

I’m wildly excited to be a part of the human race, in this particular moment in our development. This isn’t cheeseball bullshit. Well it is, and I mean it.

2010 was awesome.

Keep Reading »

Take off your shoes and step into the Cage. We’re coming at you a couple days late this week. Partly because of the holidays, partly because I had a large writing order to fill for another site. In all honesty, I had a debilitating stomach virus Tuesday-Wednesday that had me living in a bathroom and surviving off of saltines. It was most heinous. But we’re back with the final Cage Match before 2011. Thank you for taking this trip with us, you swine.

I wish there was more news to spill into your laps this week, dear readers. But after his outburst in Bucharest, it seems Cage is laying low and keeping his real life activities limited to buying Marvel action figures. Wait…that’s awesome! Let’s go!

Cage Scoops Up Some Marvel Figures in Weston

On Monday, The Weston Mercury reported that Nic took advantage of those sweet after-Christmas sales by picking up some Marvel action figures at Lloyds Toys and Models. Man, that image in my head is so so awesome. I bet they’re not even for his son, aptly named Weston. He probably won’t even let Weston look at them.

Cage was also seen shopping at a couple cell phone stores. But I know what that’s all about. You hit a certain age and you have to balance out action figure purchases with “adult” purchases. For every R2D2 I buy I balance it out with a shower curtain or bird seed. I hear ya, Cage.

The above picture is from when Cage lit the Christmas lights in Bath. I just really like it.

Keep Reading »