[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

If you can’t fap to art, what the fuck is the point? Particularly art featuring set in latex heaven.

[Editor’s Note: Intergalactic Space Cowboy Bonesaw proposed he write a column on space for OL every Saturday. Or thereabouts. The Powers That Be (me) obliged. The following is his madness, not ours. I’d say I vouch for it, but I also vouch for fetish porn and child labor. So take it as you will.]

Time is a dimension. It’s hard to perceive it as a planar dimension given that it is not visually evident as we may find height, width, or depth to be, but it can be explained in a way that may give it relevance to other dimensions despite never exactly emulating one. Spatial relativity dictates time’s expansion with the increase of speed. That is to say that as you travel faster on a planar dimension, you’re experiencing time faster as well.
Another force affecting time is force exerted upon an object. This force that is majorly holding our time in check beyond our speed is gravity. The closer to the gravitational field you are, the slower your time is going to be moving. An easy way to think about this is considering that an accurate clock being held a few feet above you will travel faster, albeit a relatively negligible amount, than a clock on the ground.

This is interesting when considering that if we can alter the speed of an object we can consequentially edit its time path. This is relevant when considering that astronauts experience time at a considerably different pace than us here on earth when factoring in their speed with their distance from large gravitational forces.

Absolute time was the principle in which two good clocks should have an identical time regardless of the events leading up to the time checking. This notion was declared false upon the Theory of Relativity’s supporting realization that the speed of light is seen as the same to all beings irrelevant to their movement. Time has since been considered personal as in this instance each observer would carry an individual clock which wouldn’t agree with each other observer’s clock.

Hawking used the example of a cup sitting on a table versus a cup that has been smashed to pieces by falling off of said table. The cup on the table is in a state of order while the smashed up is in a state of disorder. The chances in which an ordered state diminishes into a disordered state increases with time, however we don’t see cups putting themselves back together and flying up to the table again. This is an example of not only a term known as the Arrow of Time, but also the second law of thermodynamics which Hawking uses to govern time. “In any closed system disorder, or entropy, always increases with time. In other words, it is a form of Murphy’s Law: things always tend to go wrong!”

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If I owned a bar on the moon, these are the types of jams I’d blast. Tap your toes. Nod your head. Mack on a babe in a spacesuit.

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Science fiction and fantasy do just fine on their own. They’re both autonomous. Wonderful in their own ways. They don’t need anyone else.

But sometimes they can’t help but reach out to one another. It’s 3AM and science fiction can’t sleep. He scratches his stubble, thinking for a minute, and then grabs the phone. Without even looking at Caller ID, fantasy knows who’s on the other end. She lets it ring twice, but then can’t help but pick up.

You know why? Because when science fiction and fantasy hook-up, it’s fuggin’ phenomenal. Duh.

THOR #619 is an exemplar, a showcase of just how hot’n’heavy the science fiction/fantasy booty-call can be.

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Hello everyone, welcome back. You look terrific. After getting over the bummer of Season of the Witch, we can finally kick back and be excited about Drive Angry 3D. A new image and totally NSFW clip was released this week – enough to wet our appetites for the film’s February 25 release date.

We’ve also got an exclusive clip from the rarely seen Time to Kill. Seriously there was no clips on YouTube from this Cage gem until I put one on last night. In the mix as well is an awesome homage to Cage’s diverse hair styles, a thought-provoking interview with the Times of India, some painful news from the Ghost Rider 2 set, a Netflix recommendation, and whimsical music video. So much stuff! Let’s do this.

Cage Is a Bad Influence on Iguanas

Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere) is a 1989 film written and directed by Giuliano Montaldo. Cage plays a soldier in the Italian Army as they invade Ethiopia in 1936. He leaves camp because he has a toothache and this choice sets off a string of cosmic incidents. One of these incidents is coming across an iguana (Bad Lieutenant foreshadowing???) and putting a cigarette in its mouth. Iguanas must be Cage’s spirit animal.

The movie is OOP and not that great. It’s actually really dull and the scene above (that I so selflessly put on YouTube last night) is the best part. BUT every Cage film is important. You know this is true. So if you get a chance, see it. Used VHS copies are dirt cheap on Amazon.

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Over my semester break, I rediscovered my love for reading. Particularly of funny books. It’s a hell of a thing. Reading, you know? I do a lot of reading every year. I read thousands upon thousands of pages and churn out limitless lines of bullshit in classes in front of my fellow graduate students.

I consume novels and puke up rhetoric about them without so much as a thought. I am a well-oiled analytical machine. But I don’t love it. Actually, maybe I do. But it’s a different sort of love. The thrill of finding an argument you want to make, and then meticulously building it in your head.

For as much as everything I blog about is off the cuff and and unedited, the academic bullshit I pen is painstakingly agonized over in my brain. The lead-up to a term paper is countless hours driving in my car, staring out the window, and thinking.

Zoning out, forever, into the distance. It’s how I shut down the grind of the world, the din of the noise factories. Websites, Twitter, sports talk radio. It all melts away as I drive and contemplate.

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Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged to some choreographer. But before she transforms into a fat housewife she was nice enough to pose topless for this Miss Dior perfume ad. Consider this the final testament of how awesome she used to be. I guess Harvard doesn’t teach you that kids ruin everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAGE! Yes, the world’s greatest actor turned 47 last Friday, which also happened to be Season of the Witch‘s opening day. Cage had this to say about the combination birthday/premiere:

“I’ve never had a movie open on my birthday before. We’ll see what the movie gods wanna do about it.” (via)

Well *ahem* the movie gods must have been sleeping because SotW got shit reviews (including from me). January is always a dismal month for movies. It’s when studios infamously dump out the leftover projects after awards season is over. But I have a very good feeling about next month’s Drive Angry. VERY good.

So besides bumming on SotW, it’s an exciting week at Cage Match. Yesterday I posted a video on YouTube that was currently unavailable. It’s some rare shit and Devin at BadAss Digest first posted yesterday. I hope you all get a kick out of it. I did. We also get the dish on why Michel Gondry is a moron and a chance to revisit Christoper Coppola’s classic Deadfall on Netflix. Let’s go!

Season of the Witch Is a Silly, Silly Movie; Inspires a Lousy Critic

The long awaited release of SotW came over the weekend. It made a noble $11 million but garnered truly abysmal reviews   – including our very own. It currently has a 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and while cruising some of its bad press, I discovered a critic who may possibly be six-years-old. Seriously:

This is the puffy-faced Nic Cage.  The one who fights for Christ and Little Debbies and not necessarily in that order. (Editor’s note – WTF does this mean?)

Before the opening credits roll, it’s clear that Season of the Witch should have been called Season of the Which Way out of this Theater?

“I wish I had that big red fist from Hellboy now,” said Perlman.  ”But I left it up  Guillermo del Toro’s ass.”

His entire “review” is made up of zingers like the ones above. You’ll laugh until it HURTS!

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I’m goddamn tired of all the Batman 3/The Dark Knight Rises/Bruce Wayne Runs Like Hell rumors. Can we get some concrete fucking casting news? No? We have to rummage through rumors like pigs through shit? Okay, okay. Better than nothing.

Importantly, tonight we may have confirmation of the character of my wet dreams, Talia Al Ghul. Raise the roof!

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