#Caffeine Powered
Jupiter’s Moon Europa got the right kinda of water to support life. So. Well. You got that shit or not, Europa?
Jupiter’s Moon Europa got that salty water underneath its surface. Which, apparently, is the right kind of water to support life. Like, nice! Now, let’s see if it actually has it.
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In Japan, Domino’s has a pizza with two-pounds of cheese. The fuck we waiting for, United States?
A pizza with two-pounds of cheese? Such a concept is so utterly fucking American that I’m shook to my core that Japan got it first.
‘Panzer Dragoon’ remake heading to Nintendo Switch. For fuck’s sake, why did I sell my console again?
Son of a bitch. I really shouldn’t have sold my Nintendo Switch. I admit it. Even though it was getting way less use than my other consoles, I shouldn’t have. I mean, a fucking Panzer Dragoon remake! Plus, that new PlatinumGames title! Fuck!
‘Zelda: Breath of the Wild’ Sequel Announcement Trailer: The title that made everyone but me orgasm is getting a follow-up, obviously.
Orgasms are cool! I’m glad that Breath of the Wild made so many of my gaming friends orgasm! Me? Oh, I thought it was whatever. But, still! I’m glad that everyone who orgasmed over the title will have a sequel to blow their juices over.
‘Final Fantasy VII Remake’ is going to take up two Blu-Ray discs. And that’s just the first installment, my dudes
After watching the FFVII Remake reveal, I still have no idea if I’m feeling it or not. Is the combat going to be fun? Or just splashy garbage? Is breaking it up into installments a good idea, or a cash grab? I don’t know, I don’t know. What I do know is that the first installment itself is going to be enormous.
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‘The Division’ movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Chastain is heading to Netflix. This is cool by me!
Man, I had completely forgotten that The Division was being made into a movie. And that’s fair, right? It was announced in 2016, which is about 3,000,000,000 pop culture news cycles ago. But, it is! And, it’s starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Chastain, and being directed by David Leitch.
That’s enough talent to have me interested, especially since I enjoy the source material.
‘Watch Dogs Legion’ Trailer: All of London is ready to pwn the Powers That Be. Yeah, pwn!
Okay, I’m going to be upfront: I’m pretty fucking annoyed that the entire cast of Watch Dogs 2 has been jettisoned. That said, I’m really intrigued by the prospect of a goddamn Watch Dogs game where you can recruit anyone, and permadeath is a thing. Plus, them going full-cyberpunk aesthetics is always an effective, but cheap ploy to give me a boner.
‘Carrion’ Trailer: A “Reverse Horror” game where you play as the monster. It got ‘The Thing’ feels and I’m here for it!
Carrion is a pixel art game where you play as the fucking monster? Just straight-up destroying the eggheads and others who locked you up? Hell yes. Here’s a trailer for the game.
Astronomers have a found “deep structure” under Moon’s largest crater. We caught ya, Illuminati!
Whelp, we’ve finally found the bastards’ moon base. You know, the Illuminati. How do I know? You see, astronomers have found a “deep structure” under the Moon’s largest crater. Can’t fool me.
‘Halo Infinite’ Trailer: This son of a gun is a launch title for the next Xbox, which arrives Holiday 2020!
Here’s a trailer for Halo Infinite! The game is a killer launch title for the next Xbox, which is arriving Holiday 2020.
