Dave Gibbons’ covers for The Watching-men, the comic adaptation of the Zack Snyder movie have sold for a ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous amount of money. I mean, the comic was all right. It wasn’t nearly as dope as the movie, but seriously what is?
Alan Moore doesn’t like Grant Morrison. That shouldn’t be surprising. Alan Moore doesn’t like anything that isn’t wizardry, orgies involving mythical creatures, or giving birds a home in his beard. After taking a continual beating from everyone’s favorite comics scribe turned necromancer, Grant Morrison has responded to Moore’s criticism.
Dan DiDio is taking to The Guardian to defend Before Watchmen, calling it s love letter to Alan Moore’s creation. What DiDio doesn’t mention is that sometimes love letters are epistles scribbled in feces and blood, rambling incoherently. Rambling to such a degree because those penning the shit-blood missive are empty souls, without an ability to define their existence without the object of their love.
Where the soul should be, there is a distinct gaping maw. Warner Bros. and DC are trying to fill this with all sorts of (Bef0re) Watchmen drivel. It can only make sense that one of the many marketing diarrhea-experiences would be a toaster. Wait. No. No this doesn’t make sense, even if we’re talking cross-marketing bullshit.
Watchmen is a lot of things. A deconstruction of the superhero archetype. An exploration of Cold War tensions. An actualization of the comics medium’s potential. One of the most meticulously-plotted, visually layered, and rewarding narrative experiences ever stuffed into paneled pages.
There’s no denyin’ that Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons created something special.
However, noticeably absent from discussions about Watchmen are any considerations as to why the creators placed the story within its given time-frame. Sure, everyone is quick to point out that this alternate history’s dark vision of 1985 conjures up all sorts of anxieties about mutually assured destruction and the necessity to avert nuclear holocaust. But the overlooked time-frame is the season in which the tale of middle-aged superheroics unfolds.
Again, it’s easy to remember that Watchmen is a lot of things – deconstruction/exploration/actualization/masterpiece – but let’s not forget that it is a metaphor for autumn itself.
Paul Krugman has seen the light. He realizes that the only way to rally ourselves out of our fiscal slump is for the government to fake an alien invasion. Well fuck, do you have any better ideas?
Are you like me? Riddled with mental problems. Socially retarded. Stewing for the past eighteen months or so about the Watchmen movie? Have you wanted to kick Zack Snyder’s ass and roll him down a hill of turds and landmines? Well, now you can do it. In fact, you can do it in your own fucking Rorschach mask. Youtube user guinness0507 is dropping knowledge bombs, letting us all know how to pull it off. It involves shit like “Thermochromic paint pigment and clear screen printing base”, which is way beyond me.
But it’s still fucking rad as hell to see in action.
Hit the jump to watch our boy Guinness break it down.
Anyone who insists that the Christmas season is all about Jesus Christ and his magical mystery tour is going to need to sit out of this one. You see, it’s been stolen! By secularists, agnostics like myself, and apparently awesome witches like Alan Moore. You may know Moore as the genius behind Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Swamp Thing and a myriad of miscellany too long to type.
Alan Moore is also an anarchist, and witch. But that isn’t stopping him from seizing the Christmas spirit. And casting a spell of totally fucking awesome giving.
Alan Moore has made news by making a generous Christmastime donation to the needy in his hometown of Northampton, England. The co-creator of such memorable graphic novels as Watchmen and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen will make a gift of 300 Christmas baskets (valued at £3,000) in December.
Mince pies, coffee, sugar, puddings and canned food will be among the items contained in Moore’s gift baskets, according to the Northampton Chronicle. The package will be made of re-usable cloth bags provided by Northampton’s own Co-op supermarket.
Fucking awesome. Take that! Alan Moore is a perfect candidate for Santa Claus. He has an amazing beard. He has obviously magical powers. What does he have to say about his obvious position as the real-life Santa Claus?
“This particular issue is dear to my heart as it’s the area I grew up in and it is one of the most deprived areas in the whole country,” said Moore. “Those people who are living in sheltered housing and those going to the Salvation Army, who often don’t have homes, are living in very difficult circumstances and I think that any sign that they have been remembered and not forgotten is going to mean something to them.”
Alan Moore is my kind of Santa. I’ve always wanted a Santa that penned creepy Lovecraftian gangbangs with mythical creatures like he did in Neocomicon #2. But more than that, Moore is my sort of dude. Despite not being one with the Jesus Guy, he’s leveraging the spirit of the season to do something solid for people in need. So next time someone gives me shit for being in the spirit of Christmas, or rocking a tree and having a giving attitude despite being an agnostic, I’m sending them in Uncle Alan’s direction.
He’ll done straighten it out.
While I thought the movie Watchmen was a turd that seared my soul and crushed my dreams regarding an adaptation of one of my favorite comic books of all time, it did have one perk: blue dongs. Or specifically, Dr. Manhattan’s blue schlong.
Reddit does it again, using a screencapture of Google Trends to show the extreme rise in user searches for the term “blue dong” in the begining of 2009, around the time that Watchmen was released in theaters.
Naturally, people’s eyes were opened to the glory of blue dicks. Not blue as in priapatic, the blood flow cut-off. No elastic bands and cock rings. Legit blue cocks. What followed was a Blue Dick Search Term Explosion.
You don’t want to see midnight.
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